#COYI – Page 6 – Under The Hammers

Can Nuno secure a second win over Brentford this season when the Bees visit West Ham in the Monday night match?

I have long been critical of the frequent international breaks which come thick and fast at the start of each football season as they disrupt the momentum after only a handful of Premier League matches. Traditionally three breaks occur in the months of September, October and November with just eleven games of the season having elapsed when the third one occurs. However in 2026 the two week October break will disappear as part of a move that will see the September one extended to three weeks which will add an additional week for domestic football in the calendar.

The game on Monday night when Brentford visit the London Stadium marks the end of the second international break in 2025-26 with only seven games played so far. It has been a terrible start to the season with just one win and one draw and five defeats. We have four points and sit in 19^th place with the most goals conceded and the worst goal difference. And of course we have a new manager.

We are now two games into the Nuno Espirito Santo era and despite losing to Arsenal in which the team failed to register a shot on target, overall things seem relatively positive compared to how they seemed before he was appointed. And despite my previous comments regarding my dislike of the international breaks this early in the season perhaps this break has come at the perfect time for West Ham. We have already seen some signs of improvement in our performances since Nuno’s arrival but having two solid weeks to work with his players without the distraction of having to prepare for games has been vital in ensuring he gets his message across effectively.

Of course a number of key first team players have been away with their respective national teams, but at least the ‘non-internationals’ remaining behind will have had time with the new manager to work, learn and adapt to yet another new tactical approach. Additionally the fact that our game is the last one in this matchday as it is being played on Monday night gives the returning ‘internationals’ more time to recover and spend some time with the rest of the squad and especially Nuno to prepare for the game.

With fixtures against Brentford and Leeds United up next, we have an opportunity to start securing some much-needed points on the board and start climbing the Premier League table. Although no Premier League games are easy, these fixtures are more favourable than those coming up in November when we face Newcastle, Burnley, Bournemouth and Liverpool – even though three of these are at home. It’s about time our home record improved, because if it does not we could then be in serious trouble.

On the evidence of Nuno’s first two games alone, there is increased optimism that we may go into the next two with greater hopes than we had before his appointment. However failure to win either of them might lead to further panic and despair so soon after yet another managerial change. This is a pivotal period coming up. No wins out of these next two games and things will be beginning to look bleak for our prospects of continuing in the top flight. But success, or perhaps at least four points, would mean that we could perhaps start to look forward with renewed hope.

Brentford were promoted to the Premier League in the 2020-2021 season finishing third in the league and coming up via the play-offs together with Norwich and Watford who were automatically promoted. Unlike the other two (who are now languishing back in the Championship) Brentford have consolidated their place under Thomas Frank, one of the best managers around (in my opinion). As a result he moved on to Tottenham who have made a big improvement this season compared to last. It remains to be seen if Keith Andrews can do as well as Frank. Brentford have seven points from their opening seven fixtures with two wins (Manchester United & Aston Villa) and a draw against Chelsea. They sit in 16^th but we can match their points tally if we can win. But even a win can’t take us out of the bottom three unless it is by four goals or more (unlikely!). Nevertheless it is important to start picking up points sooner rather than later if we want to avoid a gap forming ahead of the relegation zone.

In the four seasons since their promotion we have a poor record against them. Although we won an FA Cup tie on their ground we have only beaten them once in the league, drawing once, and losing six times. Our sole victory was a 4-2 win the season before last which included a Jarrod Bowen hat-trick. Our captain has scored five of the eight goals we’ve scored against them in those eight league games, but we have conceded fifteen.

Current form is against us, and recent history of games against Brentford is against us, but nonetheless bookmakers still make us favourites, albeit slight, to win the game. Perhaps they sense the improvement under our new manager, or perhaps it’s because Brentford haven’t picked up a single point away from home, losing 2-1 at Sunderland, 3-1 at Forest (with Nuno as the manager) and 3-1 at Fulham. Can Nuno secure a second win over Brentford this season?

Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss: And Why Nuno Faces A Herculean Task at the London Stadium

A West Ham manager’s lot is not a happy one. Can Nuno find an answer to the long running conundrum of producing a sustainable, professional team at a broken and dysfunctional club?

Supporting West Ham has never been a pursuit for the glory hunter or the faint of heart. For most it is an act of faith founded on community, shared identity, loyalty, passion, a sense of belonging, and wherever possible, entertainment. It is not, sadly, a vision shared by the owners.

There can be no argument that English topflight football has changed over the years – some good, some bad – with its global appeal. TV deals, influx of money, overseas players and financial regulations. Where well-run clubs have innovated and adapted to these new realities, the leadership at West Ham has refused to shift, preferring to the celebrate their amateurism and defy progress. Compounding the unpopular handling of the stadium move with an approach to football that rarely looks beyond the next fixture. The added irony being that the cost cutting London Stadium agreement – feted by pundits as the ‘deal of the century’ at the time – now sits like a millstone around the club’s neck to limit the much needed matchday and commercial revenues that are growing rapidly at rival clubs.

There is a concept known (appropriately) as Maslow’s Hammer which states that “if the only tool you have is a hammer, then every problem will look like a nail.” In a West Ham context, this translates to a belief that all performance issues can be addressed by the mirage of a new managerial appointment. Nothing else in the slipshop way the club is run ever needs to change!

The result for supporters is a cycle of chronic anxiety. A Groundhog Day where each new manager enjoys a honeymoon period of variable length, inevitably followed by a steady decline of fluctuating velocity. A decline characterised by a campaign of undermining, leaks and sabotage from the Boardroom. The best-case scenario (for the club) is a manager who makes it through to the end of their contract before being terminated (Allardyce, Moyes). But more usually, they will be fired whenever the spectre of relegation (and financial Armageddon) appears on the horizon.

If you toss a box of assorted West Ham Premier League statistics into the air, what you get when they land is a picture of prolonged mediocrity. Averaged across 29 seasons, the return from 38 matches is 12½ wins, 9½ draws, and 16 defeats: a total of 47 points, negative 8 goal difference, with an expected 11^th or 12^th place finish. An optimist might interpret this as prudence and stability but really, what is the point of a survival only strategy when it is at the expense of entertainment, ambition and a raucous matchday experience.

In truth, the stats show little difference between the pre and post GSB eras. The only significant distinction being that the current owners have spent a lot more money and made a much bigger song and dance of how incompetent they are.

It would be unfair not to recognise that above average seasons do ocasionally arise: 2015/16 and 2020/21 are notable examples. But where these have occurred, they are the result of temporary good fortune rather than years of good stewardship, squad building and team planning. In 2015/16, Slaven Bilic was able to overlay the mercurial talents of Dimitri Payet onto the organisation inherited from BFS. In 2020/21, David Moyes had the emergence of Declan Rice and the inspiration of Jesse Lingard to turn trademark defensive caution into surprising attacking threat. Both false dawns which failed to survive the loss of key players.

So, what does all this mean for Nuno Espirito Santo as the latest occupant of the West Ham hot seat? Can he break the spell of mediocrity? Implement a style of play that supporters desire and are happy to pay to watch – entertaining, fast paced, front foot, quick transition football? I’d like to think he can but ask me again at the end of November for confirmation. He has been saying many of the right things, has been prepared to take a serious look at the younger players, and is much easier to listen to than his immediate predecessors.

But sorting out West Ham from where they are now is a Herculean task. In fact, Hercules himself would have to think twice before choosing whether to accept the mission or not. How to stabilise a careless defence, inject creativity into midfield, solve the age-old striker conundrum alongside other heroic labours such as pacifying the two-faced bull of Theydon, appeasing the multi-headed serpent of Knightsbridge – and complying with PSR regulations?

Following the hard-fought and well-deserved draw at Everton, a trip to the Emirates to face Arsenal was always going to be a tough ask. Several online commentators saw it as the typical West Ham capitulation against one of the rich six clubs. That Nuno’s approach had been as negative as those who had gone before. This was rather harsh in the context of facing (probably) the best team in the league at the moment, with only a week in post to prepare. But it is difficult to counter claims that West Ham had surrendered the game without putting up much in the way of a fight. Yet for once caution made sense. A gung-ho approach and a five or six goal hammering would have been in no-one’s interest at this stage of proceedings.

Defensively, West Ham managed to maintain good shape and discipline for much of the first half. But it requires an extreme level of luck to keep your goal intact for extended periods without an out-ball to relieve the pressure. Curiously, Max Kilman and Dinos Mavropanos may have put in their most assured performances of the season in helping to counter the host’s legendary set piece threat.

But going forward, West Ham were impotent. The full backs were unable to get out of their own half or support attacks in the way they had at Everton. But it was in midfield where the Hammers were most ineffective in transition. No-one capable of finding space, assuming control and picking the right pass.

It is a stretch on current performances to look at the pairing of Lucas Paqueta and Mateus Fernandes and be satisfied that you are seeing £100 m of creative talent. Paqueta is either too busy looking to buy a foul or making blind, hopeful passes while Fernandes has shown none of the ball carrying skills or creative passing that were advertised on his CV. Maybe it needs time for them to click but both appear to prefer playing in deeper positions than the team requires. It was only Crysencio Summerville who looked capable of the movement and quick control to create his own space and drive forward. Would he be better deployed as a Number 10 than on the wing?

It is becoming increasingly difficult to pinpoint how Niclas Fullkrug can be integrated into a Premier League side hoping to rely on rapid counter attacking. His inclination is to drop deep during build up play rather than looking to put himself about in the box. More in the style of a Haller or Scamacca than the Michail Antonio/ Chris Wood blunt instrument that is better suited to this style of play.

It was interesting to see Nuno opt for Callum Marshall when Fullkrug was replaced. It would have been a thankless task for anyone, but he showed plenty of energy and it was great that he got his first Premier League minutes under the belt. Marshall doesn’t look lone central striker material to me, so his opportunities may remain limited for now. That he was given the opportunity at all was a positive we can take from Nuno’s involvement.

The six matches following the international break will carry great significance for West Ham’s season. Collecting at least nine or ten points must be a realistic target to aim for if respectability is to be achieved and a relegation battle avoided.

With Premier League clubs looking likely to extend the current PSR regulations into the 2026/27 season – mainly because they can’t agree any alternative – next summer is already looking problematic for West Ham. Nuno will clearly want. need reinforcements but flat or falling revenues will likely require profit from player sales to offset operating losses. Unfortunately, there are few high-ticket assets available for sale. COYI!

There’s Nuno No No No Limits As West Ham Prepare For A Free Swing At Arsenal

A change of manager and change of atmosphere defined West Ham’s Monday night visit to Everton. Now the simple task of completing a hattrick of wins at the Emirates Stadium

Despite weeks of speculation the timing of last Saturday’s announcement that West Ham Manager Version 21 had already been installed came as a surprise to many of us. Just a few days after the club’s statement telling us how spectacularly well everything was going, it was decreed that Version 20 had just too many bugs in to fix. According to the release notes, the latest upgrade will provide greater stability and faster performance than the earlier two versions. The much-derided sideways possession mode has been fully deprecated and replaced by a pragmatic Ctrl-Alt-Defend shortcut.

Whether the new release turns out to be a real long-term upgrade in the eyes of supporters, and how long it can reliably perform on the club’s obsolete 20th century infrastructure is in the lap of the gods – or the holy spirit (espirito santo) in this instance.

The reason for caution is that we have all been here before. When Graham Potter was appointed ten long months ago there was a momentary optimism. Relief that we would no longer have to put up with the chaos that was Julien Lopetegui. We could understand what the coach was talking about, and a couple of encouraging performances suggested there was better to come. But then his ‘methods’ slowly started to take effect – and death by a thousand sideways passes took hold. The obstinance of playing a style of football that was unsuited to the players available – and which nobody in their right mind would willingly pay to watch – would be his ultimate downfall. With a growing portfolio of abysmal performances to defend, his persona at press conferences changed from deep thinking coach to prickly, beard stroking, waffler.

Potter’s failure will likely see him join the long list of ex West Ham managers whose time at the club was their last hurrah in topflight football. How can a pedestrian approach of possession for the sake of it football live alongside the frantic pace and intensity of the modern game? Maybe a new position as life coach at a wellness retreat is a better fit for his skillset.

Regardless of Potter’s shortcomings, his dismissal was handled with trademark insensitivity by the West Ham hierarchy. Allowed to continue with training and rolled out for the pre-match press briefing while Gladys in the club shop was furiously embroidering NES onto a fresh set of training tops. You can’t buy class like that!

The early signs from Nuno Espirto Santo were promising from Monday night’s game at Everton. He is confident and charismatic when interviewed, there was an immediate improvement in attacking intent, and he seems prepared to put trust in younger players. How refreshing that the average age of his team was a respectable 26.7 years – a good 3 years below that seen over recent seasons.

I think we all know what we can expect from Nuno. It will be a welcome return to the basics – buttons and knobs football rather than a temperamental touchscreen alternative. Out of possession it will be a mid to low block while in possession it will be vertical passing and quick transitions. Possession will not be a priority and hopefully no suicidal playing out from the back. Above all Nuno is a pragmatic manager. While the term ‘pragmatic’ is often used in a negative sense, if it means making the best use of what’s available then I’m all for it.

We know from experience with David Moyes that not all low block sides are created equal. When Declan Rice and Jesse Lingard were driving and carrying the ball forward at pace it was exciting to watch; when that changed to a reliance on long balls for Michail Antonio to chase it was dire.

Nuno worked wonders at Forest last season but the gameplan will need finessing to be effective with the current West Ham squad. The Hammers do not have fearless, physical centre backs like Forest, Niclas Fullkrug has shown few signs he can be as prolific as Chris Wood, and there is no-one to emulate the Number 10 role played by Morgan Gibbs-White. But there is, at last, a good sprinkling of pace throughout the squad. It was no surprise how slick and progressive the passing can be with fast, mobile players on the pitch.

While the new coach provides fresh hope for the season it does not fix the underlying problem at West Ham – the archaic and amateurish way it is run under the clueless leadership of Sullivan and Brady.

Having to pay off two woeful managerial appointments (and their entourages) in the space of one year is yet another blow to the club’s financial standing. You don’t need to be Mystic Meg to predict tensions over the next two transfer windows where Nuno wants to improve the squad while Sullivan pleads poverty and PSR restrictions. It is common knowledge that Nuno left both Wolves and Forest having fallen out with their respective Chairmen.

It has been interesting to see an increasing number of media articles criticising the way that West Ham is run. A malaise that most fans had identified many years ago. I have seen suggestions that the club is rotten from top to bottom – but I would disagree with that. The problems start and stop at the very top. The pressure for change must continue. One of the most loyal fan bases in the league deserve much better than an owner who is completely indifferent to the product being served up.

In the circumstances, Saturday’s trip to the Emirates Stadium has to be regarded as a free hit for the Hammers. Recent games against Arsenal have recorded topsy turvy outcomes. West Ham having won the last two in north London without conceding, and the Gunners winning twice by an aggregate score of 11-2 at the London Stadium. What chances of a West Ham hattrick?

Arsenal are again among the early pace setters at the business end of the league and victory on Saturday afternoon will see them hit top spot, if only for a few hours. They will certainly be in with a shout at the title come May, although the absence of a prolific, top class goal scorer may well be their undoing once again. Supporters of both teams will be watching the award of corner kicks with interest – but for very different reasons. Arsenal for their mastery of convering them into goals, West Ham for their naivety in defending them.

The evolution of set piece headed goals paints a fascinating picture. Once looked down upon by purists as the last resort of route one dinosaurs such as Stoke and Bolton, they have since been gentrified and made fashionable by the development of Mikel Arteta’s most productive tactic. To the onlooker, knowing what is and isn’t allowed in the resulting melee of holding, pushing, shoving and blocking is as impossible to know as the decisions made in rugby.

It would make sense for Nuno to start with the same eleven who began at Everton. Maybe Freddie Potts replaces Soungoutou Magassa at kick-off, but both deserve and need to get minutes in at this level. I hope there is no temptation to recall Tomas Soucek, other than to a place on the bench. Or to revert to the three centre backs that he preferred at Wolves.

There are no high expectations from the game apart from wanting to see a spirited and committed performance where Arsenal know they have been in a difficult contest. If that can bring a point or more then all the better. Arsenal can be exposed by pace if they commit to many players forward. So, moving the ball quickly in transition to Jarrod Bowen and Crysencio Summerville out wide will be vital in creating goal threats. The role of Malick Diouf will again be pivotal having to balance taking care of Bukayo Saka with his dangerous forays and crosses up field.

Let’s maintain the positive vibe for as long as it lasts and hope for nicking at least a priceless point. COYI!

What do we know about Nuno Espirito Santo, West Ham’s fourth manager in less than 18 months

When I wrote last week’s article ‘If West Ham were to appoint a new manager who would it be?’ which was published last Friday little did I know that just 24 hours later we would know the answer. It was no secret that Graham Potter’s position was under significant internal scrutiny with managerial alternatives being considered. He was under growing pressure to keep his job following a massively disappointing start to the season.

Nuno Espirito Santo, who had been sacked by Nottingham Forest following their home defeat to West Ham, was the odds-on favourite to replace him and that was what happened. That’s quite ironical isn’t it? Nuno was dismissed in the first international break and it was widely believed that the next break would signal the end of Potter. But the sack arrived sooner than we expected, but not before time. As was written in the statement on Saturday morning ‘results and performances over the course of the second half of last season and the start of the 2025-26 season have not matched expectations.’

You can say that again, 19^th in the Premier League table, six wins in 25 games, and an inability to defend corners which has resulted in seven goals conceded, an astonishing statistic that he appeared to have no idea how to reverse. In fact he struggled badly and seemed to be at a total loss in so many areas of managing a top-flight football team.

So who are we getting? What do we know about Nuno, who has become our fourth manager in less than 18 months? He retired as a goalkeeper at Porto in 2010 and began his coaching career as a goalkeeping coach. In 2012, Rio Ave, a Portuguese top division side, announced his appointment as manager and in his second season in charge, his team reached two major domestic finals as he led them to the UEFA Europa League for the first time in their history.

He became manager of Valencia in La Liga (Spain) in 2014 and led them to a fourth place finish in his first season. He was named La Liga Manager of the Month three times but resigned in the 2015-16 season after a poor start to their domestic and Champions League campaigns.

In 2016, he signed a two-year contract with Porto, however after a season with no silverware but a second-place finish in the league, he was sacked at the end of just one season.

In 2017, he became the new head coach of Championship club Wolves, signing a three-year contract. He led the club to the Premier League after a six-year absence, achieving promotion with four matches remaining in the season and being confirmed as champions with two games to spare. Wolves finished seventh in the 2018–19 league season; it was the club’s highest Premier League finish, and their highest in the top-flight since the 1979–80 season when they finished sixth. They also qualified for a European competition for the first time since the 1980–81 UEFA Cup, reaching the UEFA Europa League.

The 2019-20 season that was interrupted by Covid saw Nuno’s team achieve a second consecutive seventh-place finish in the Premier League (with a record points total for Wolves in the Premier League of 59), and reach the quarter-finals of the UEFA Europa League, the club’s best such performance since being finalists in the 1971–72 UEFA Cup. At the end of the following season Wolves announced that Nuno would leave the club by mutual consent at the end of the season.

In June 2021, Tottenham Hotspur announced Nuno as their new head coach on a two-year contract with an option to extend for a third year. He achieved the best start to a Premier League season for Tottenham with three wins from their first three matches. He won the Premier League Manager of the Month award for August, but on 1 November, after his team lost 3–0 at home to Manchester United, their fifth loss in seven matches and which left them ninth in the table, he was dismissed after less than four months in charge and was replaced the following day by Antonio Conte.

In July 2022, he was appointed by Al-Ittihad in the Saudi Pro League. He won the 2022 Saudi Super Cup in January 2023 and also won the club’s first league title in 14 years that season. He was sacked in November 2023, two days after a 2–0 loss to an Iraqi club in the Champions League.

In December 2023, he was appointed head coach of Nottingham Forest. He helped to secure the club’s survival from relegation with a 17th-placed finish. In his second season by January 2025, Forest sat third in the Premier League table on the 40 points defying the expectations of most pundits, who had predicted at the start of the season that Forest would struggle and get relegated. He became the first Forest manager to win the Premier League Manager of the Month award three times in a single season. The club eventually finished seventh and qualified for the Europa League, their first participation in European football in 30 years.

In June 2025, Nuno signed a new contract to stay with Nottingham Forest until 2028. However in September he was dismissed after three Premier League games of the season. The sacking seemed to arise due to his relationship with Forest’s owner Marinakis. Surely it was nothing to do with results!

One thing that stands out is the fact that in every case, more games have been won than lost in all seven clubs Nuno has previously managed. The same cannot be said for Graham Potter, Julen Lopetegui or David Moyes. It was a promising start at the Hill Dickinson stadium on Monday night, especially in the second half. I won’t look at the playing style of the teams he has managed at this stage; we’ll see how it transpires at West Ham in the coming weeks.

If West Ham were to appoint a new manager who would it be?

It’s no real secret that Graham Potter’s position is under significant internal scrutiny with managerial alternatives now being considered. He is under growing pressure to keep his job following a massively disappointing start to the season that plunged to new depths following last Saturday’s home defeat by Crystal Palace. Even prior to Saturday’s loss – our fourth from five Premier League games – it was widely reported that we had started the process of identifying potential replacements for Potter. He is the odds on next Premier Manager to leave his post at 3/10. Ruben Amorin is next on the list at 15/2.

Nuno Espirito Santo, recently sacked by Nottingham Forest, is understood to be among the options we have identified and is currently the favourite to be our next permanent manager. All sorts of stories exist about him being interviewed by Karren Brady and being spotted in Theydon Bois, close to the home of David Sullivan, Birch Hall, his palatial mansion nearby. The prospect of Slaven Bilic who has previously played and managed us returning on a short-term basis has apparently also been discussed internally. According to the betting odds these appear to be the two standout candidates.

We have not won a Premier League game in front of our own supporters since 27 February and have lost all three home matches this season to London rivals Chelsea, Tottenham and Crystal Palace. We have now lost our opening three home league games for the second consecutive season. Despite defeat, Potter described the performance against Palace as “spirited”. Asked if he still felt he had the support of the club’s board, Potter said: “Yeah, I’ve no reason to think not.”

Before Saturday’s game, thousands of West Ham fans protested against how the club is run and called for chairman David Sullivan and vice-chair Karren Brady to step down. But it seems very unlikely that it will happen in the foreseeable future.

So what next? With no change at the very top of the club a new manager will surely be appointed sometime soon, perhaps at the beginning of the international break? But what will happen if (in the extremely unlikely event) we manage to win at Everton and (even more unlikely) at Arsenal too? Will the manager be kept on? I seem to remember a similar situation when Lopetegui was manager.

So what are the odds on who will be West Ham’s next permanent manager? These change regularly according to who has been spotted where and other rumours that circulate. But the latest list that I saw read as follows:

Nuno Espirito Santo 4/7, Slaven Bilic 5/4, Gary O’Neil 5/1, Sean Dyche 12/1, Michael Carrick 14/1, Scott Parker 16/1, Liam Rosenior 20/1, Eden Terzic 25/1, Kieran McKenna 25/1, Gareth Southgate 25/1, Michael Beale 25/1, and then a whole host of others at 33/1 including Steven Gerrard, Brendan Rogers, Damien Duff, Frank Lampard, Danny Rohl, Lee Carsley, Chris Hughton, John O’Shea, Marco Rose, Ole Gunnar Solksjaer, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Robbie Keane, Ralph Hasenhutl.

Who do you think it might be? Do you fancy a flutter?

West Ham Monday Briefing: Corner Capers, Graham’s Crackers and Board Duplicity

How much longer can West Ham’s worst ever manager hang on at the London Stadium as he masterminds a twelfth defeat in 23 games. And what to do about the Board?

Welcome to West Ham where the misery never ends. Forget about the football. Enjoy the thrills of boardroom chaos, supporter protests, creeping apathy, clueless management and a spineless squad touted as relegation certainties.

Everybody knows it is only a matter of time before Graham Potter is shown the exit door at the London Stadium. Who’s ever heard of a manager ‘turning things around’ where performances have been awful for 20 plus games over eight months, and with no obvious signs of improvement on the horizon. What tactical masterstrokes could he possibly have up his sleeve to combat threats from a physical Everton side and set-piece specialists Arsenal in the two games remaining before the next international break?

West Ham have now beenbeaten in 12 of the 23 league games under Potter’s leadership (14 from 25 when cup games are included). At 52%, his lose percentage is higher than any other of the club’s Premier League managers, including the much derided Avram Grant. Why prolong the agony any longer than necessary?

Needless to say, replacing the coach is one small part of the multiple problems facing West Ham. Akin to putting anti-itch cream on a rash. It might provide welcome temporary relief, but the underlying chronic disorder lingers below the surface. The turmoil the club finds itself in hasn’t materialised overnight. It is a cumulative decline ten or more years in the making. As the business of football has evolved elsewhere to embrace strategic thinking and professionalism, West Ham have been petrified in an amateurish world of short-term thinking and season to season existence.

The club statement issued to supporters in the hope of heading off the planned Hammers United protests is a prime example of how tone deaf those in control are. Most likely penned by Karen Brady (sorry, Baroness Brady of Knightsbridge) – with a little help from ChatGBS – it was nothing more than a vain attempt to convince what a fantastic job they had all done over the years. No acknowledgement of the many mistakes made, the promises broken or an acceptance that change is needed to restore the identity, pride and passion to this great club.

I wonder what advice would be given to any business hopefuls on The Apprentice who had refused to listen to their customers, made promises they never intended to keep, and failed to hit any targets on product or experience. Just where do I find this world-class team and world-class stadium?

The obvious frustration is that in circumstances where the board are also the principal owners it is almost impossible to sack them. A change of ownership would be a complex and long winded process. The only interim hope for change is if the minority shareholders are sufficiently alarmed to band together, sideline David Sullivan and replace Brady with someone who understands the business of football. Over to you, Mr Czech Sphinx.

As far as Saturday’s game was concerned, it was more of the same from the fragile Hammers. Far too slow in possession and increasingly vulnerable at set pieces. Every opposing manager will have a clear idea now how to overcome Potter’s West Ham. Commit players forward, press high (safe in the knowledge they are too slow on the counter), and aim to win as many corners as possible.

It was amusing to hear one pundit’s view (Tony Gale, I think) that Potter would have had a word with his players at half-time about moving the ball forward more quickly. How ironic given that fannying around in the middle third safety zone is the very essence of Potterball. It’s what he dreams of, and why he is so besotted with the sideways passing skills of James Ward-Prowse. Potter was momentarily Wenger-like in his post-match comments by claiming not to have heard 50,000 boos when withdrawing Crysencio Summerville and Mateus Fernandes and leaving his favourite firmly in place. Now that JWP’s dead ball mojo has completely deserted him, he has nothing left to offer other than being a nice guy. A montage of his free-kick goals will soon be available to view on All Our Yesterdays!

It was a surprise to no-one when the opening Palace goal resulted from one of many corner kicks. As I understand it, West Ham do not employ a dedicated set piece coach. The role was added to the responsibilities of one of the existing coaching staff in much the same way as you give the new kid in the office a high-vis jacket and hard hat and call him the fire marshal. Not that it needed a coaching badge to tell Max Kilman that his job is to win the ball at all costs, even if it means occasionally getting hurt in the process.

Whoever signed off on a £40 million fee and seven-year contract for Kilman needs their head examining. In a crowded field for worst ever value for money West Ham signing he is in with a real shout of a podium finish. I’m all for ball-playing centre-backs but not when it comes at the expense of speed, strength, determination and defensive nous.

There was a brief period in the game immediately after Jarrod Bowen’s equaliser (where would we be without him) where the Hammers asumed the ascendency. The visitors suddenly looked rattled as West Ham belatedly discovered a sense of purpose and that they were allowed to attack with pace. Kyle Walker-Peters and Malick Diouf were looking dangerous along the flanks and Lucas Paqueta had a goal-bound header cleared off the line. But once Palace regained the lead, home heads dropped, and it was game over.

Once again, there was no evidence to support the assertion that Potter has a strong track record of developing young players. Several academy stars (Freddie Potts and Calum Marshall) who had featured heavily in pre-season were omitted completely from the matchday squad and will be questioning whether a pathway to first team action actually exists. Soungoutou Magassa and Luis Guilherme were given brief late runouts but at that stage of the game it was a thankless task. The earlier shape and discipline having transformed into a park football free-for-all by then.

There is something seriously wrong in any organisation where managers are repeatedly appointed at a time of crisis. Potter’s demise is now purely one of timing. If interested in the job, I expect Nuno Espirito Santo to be next up. Not that he is the ideal man for the task but because he is available and has shown at Wolves and Forest that he can work with what he’s got to produce a functioning team. It certainly wouldn’t be a long-term relationship as he will almost certainly fall out with Sullivan within 18 months or so. Unfortunately, the other desperate names in the frame (O’Neil, Bilic, Dyche, Benitez) all fill me with a sense of foreboding. As ever, the wild card is that Sullivan will screw up yet again by doing something truly stupid.

So there we have it. Stick with Potter and relegation is highly probable. Nuno would provide a fighting chance of mid-table obscurity even if it might not be an exciting ride. It’s about the best we can hope for until change is made at the top. If Nuno doesn’t fancy it before the international break, then find a willing caretaker to navigate the next couple of games. COYI!

Just four games into the Premier League season, but West Ham’s match against Crystal Palace on Saturday could be crucial for Graham Potter.

I’ll begin this article by referring you to Geoff’s excellent Monday briefing this week. It says it all really. Perhaps I can try to cheer you up?

Is the game against Crystal Palace a ‘must-win’ for Graham Potter? The pressure is surely building. West Ham have suffered league defeats to Chelsea, Tottenham and Sunderland to start the 2025/26 season; We have conceded the most goals (11), the most goals from set pieces (6) with all six arriving from corners. We have the worst goal difference (-7) equal with pointless Wolves, the biggest differential of goals conceded versus expected goals conceded (xGA) and sit eighteenth in the table. It’s not yet a relegation struggle but early indicators suggest that it may soon become one. Having said that one win could propel us into the top half of the table! But can we win this Saturday?

Derby defeats to Chelsea and Tottenham never go down well especially at home. But somehow they might have been bearable if we had been in the game and not capitulated once falling behind. Once Chelsea went 2-1 up, and after the second-half whistle went against Tottenham, we crumbled under the pressure. It didn’t take a lot for us to collapse. The 3-0 loss to newly-promoted Sunderland was the same after the first goal was conceded. A similar defeat to Crystal Palaceat the London Stadium on Saturday will be hard for us to take.

The manager’s record since arrival makes poor reading. It is in the Avram Grant area when it comes to winning matches. It’s eleven home games in the league, two wins, eleven away games in the league, four wins. As a manager Potter has faced Palace ten times and beaten them twice (4 defeats 4 draws). He says that everyone at the club is singing from the same hymn sheet. It’s just a shame that instead of singing ‘The Mighty Fortress Is Our God’ our keeper and defenders are singing ‘When I Survey The Wondrous Cross’.

One piece of nonsense I’ve read in the past week is saying that our keeper Mads is too small at 6ft 1.3ins. The tallest Premier League keeper is Nick Pope at around 6ft 5ins and most of the keepers are within an inch or two of Hermansen. In fact two Premier League keepers are shorter than Mads, they are Jordan Pickford and David Raya, and they do rather a good job and can command their areas well. I’m sure Mads is probably a decent shot stopper. He needs to be coached properly and convinced that he is allowed to leave his line and not leave it to our zonal marking defenders to try to win crosses that are landing within a couple of yards of the goal line.

Earlier I wrote about our abysmal record of conceding goals from corners (6 in just 4 games). We also have a big lead in conceding corners this season (32 in the four games). Every club (other than us!) seems to have analysts who have worked out our achilles heel. Ironically Palace have won fewer corners than all the other teams and are currently bottom of the league for winning them. If they have done their homework I reckon they’ll be moving swiftly up that particular table by Saturday evening.

Do you fancy some more positive statistics? Overall in history we have beaten Palace more times than they have beaten us. But if we take a look at the last three seasons in isolation then in the six games played we have lost four of them, winning just once, the 2-0 victory at Selhurst Park last season when Palace began the season very poorly.

Let’s broaden it a little and take the last six seasons into consideration. We have beaten Palace three times in those 12 games, all victories in South London. But we haven’t beaten them in the last six home games against them. That’s right you have to go back to December 2018 for the last time we collected three points against them at the London Stadium. Snodgrass, Hernandez and Anderson were our scorers in a 3-2 win that day. Of all the players on duty that day either in the starting eleven or on the bench only two could possibly be playing this Saturday. Fabianski was in goal for West Ham – could he make a return after he left the club in the summer? The other one was Wan-Bissaka who was playing for Palace that day but is supposedly not available for the game.

Let’s try a different tack and look at our recent form against all teams at the London Stadium. We haven’t won any of our last seven home Premier League games. The last three have been awful; we have lost them all scoring just twice and conceding ten. The last time we lost four home league games in a row Manuel Pellegrini was the manager. He never managed another game for us at the London Stadium. There’s a warning for you Mr. Potter.

Let’s look at Palace’s form away from home now. They have lost just two of their last seventeen away Premier League matches keeping nine clean sheets in their previous 15 on the road. Their previous nine away clean sheets beforehand came over a spell of 51 games. They have been very formidable on their travels.

All these statistics don’t make for good reading do they? Some questions in my mind as I write this. How did Kilman cost £40 million? How did Todibo cost £35 million? Will Brighton’s sixth choice Brazilian centre back on loan with us turn out to be an improvement on our other much costlier centre backs? Who will play in goal, Hermansen, Areola or Fabianski? I reckon Hermansen will keep his place. What has happened to Wan-Bissaka this season? How many corners will Palace get? Have we worked out how to deal with them? How many of my predicted ten outfield players will start the game? They are: Walker-Peters, Julio, Kilman, Diouf, Paqueta, Magassa, Fernandes, Bowen, Summerville, Wilson. There are some others I’d like to see given more minutes – Guilherme, Potts and Irving are three of them.

Do you think we can turn things around?

West Ham entertain Tottenham this weekend, things are looking up, and we look back on great memories of some previous encounters

We line up against our old foes from North London on Saturday evening in a much better frame of mind than existed just two games into the season. Before the games which preceded the international break we sat at the bottom of the Premier League table with zero points and two terrible displays against Sunderland and Chelsea as well as being dumped out of the Carabao Cup at Wolves. Spurs on the other hand had comfortably beaten Burnley and won away at Manchester City and were at the top.

But in the games in Matchweek 3 we comprehensively beat Nottingham Forest 3-0 with late goals, Fernandes had an excellent debut, the cameo return and pace of Summerville changed the game, and Wilson showed that he can be a short-term asset if he can stay fit. Diouf showed he could be the buy of the window, strong defensively and a superb crosser of the ball, and Walker-Peters had an equally impressive game on the other flank. Mavropanos and Kilman were much happier as two (rather than three) central defenders, Paqueta looked happier and looked like he might be returning to his best, and Bowen was his usual impressive, energetic self. He might have even scored the goal of the season had Wilson not unfortunately intervened, but it was 3-0 by then so it didn’t really matter from the team perspective, although it was still a little sad.

Hermansen looks to have settled and although he wasn’t tested too much he did all that was asked of him comfortably which hopefully will settle the hysteria that surrounded his first couple of games. And we still have high hopes for Magassa and Igor Julio, Wan-Bissaka, the under-rated Irving, the under-used Guilherme and the other youngsters (Earthy, Potts, Marshall, Scarles) as well as the other stalwarts in the squad. If only Potter can integrate our pacey players into his system it can only get better.

Tottenham were brought down to earth with a 1-0 defeat at home to a very under-rated Bournemouth team, so a win and we can be level with them on points!

With matches going back to the end of the nineteenth century West Ham have faced Tottenham so many times, with our North London neighbours having the upper hand more often than we have. My memories only go back to 1958 but as I was only four at the time I can barely remember my second ever visit to Upton Park on 25^th December 1958. That’s right – the date is correct – we faced Tottenham at Upton Park on Christmas Day. Regular buses ran along the Barking Road from Canning Town when I went to the game with my dad and uncle. It had a morning kick off at 11 o’clock. All I do remember is that John Dick (my first ever West Ham hero) and Vic Keeble scored the goals in a 2-1 win. I was also aware that the return fixture took place at White Hart Lane the following day and we won that 4-1 with Dick and Keeble once again amongst the goalscorers.

The next game against Tottenham that I remember being at came very early in the season that followed their double winning season. On a hot August Monday evening in 1961 we beat them 2-1 again. Once again I remember little of the game but there was also great jubilation amongst the adults I was with. All of my early games were viewed from the old West Stand.

In the 1963-64 season we won our first ever FA Cup. We had two terrific cup runs in that campaign as we also reached the semi-final of the League Cup. On my 10^th birthday the first leg of the League Cup semi final was played away at Leicester and although we lost I was happy with the result, a 4-3 defeat with the second leg to come at Upton Park later. (Unfortunately we lost 2-0 at home in the return!). But on the Saturday which followed the first leg one of my birthday treats was a visit to Upton Park with Tottenham the visitors. We gave them quite a thrashing, 4-0 to be precise. Geoff Hurst and Johnny Byrne were among the goalscorers on that freezing cold afternoon.

The game that really stands out in my memory came a few months later, early in our European Cup Winners Cup winning season of 1964-65. On a warm sunny early September afternoon, just five days after we had put five goals past Wolves on a Monday night, Spurs came to Upton Park. In what turned out to be a game where one player of either side stood out I remember an entertaining game which in the end had the result I hoped for. Nine of our cup winning team lined up that day with two changes, a surprise at centre half where the versatile Martin Peters wore the number 5 shirt and Alan Sealey replacing Peter Brabrook on the right wing.

In an entertaining first half Geoff Hurst ran from the halfway line deep into the Tottenham half and released a superb pass to Johnny Byrne who calmly slotted home past (I think) Jennings in the opposition goal. We went into the interval holding a 1-0 lead. Spurs were on top early in the second half and a mazy run and cross down the right wing by (I think) Jimmy Robertson landed at the feet of Jimmy Greaves who calmly sidefooted the equaliser. Both teams were looking for a winner when West Ham had pushed up too far and Spurs broke away leaving (I think) Robertson again one on one with Jim Standen in our goal. He went round him and Standen brought him down. A blatant penalty which Greaves calmly sent Standen the wrong way and once again calmly slotted into the opposite corner.

West Ham were pressing forward trying for an equaliser when Boyce who was having an influential game was pushed in the penalty area and it was our turn for a penalty. Unfortunately Jennings went the right way and saved the (weak?) spot kick that Byrne took so we were still trailing 2-1. That was one of only two penalties that he missed for West Ham. But we continued to attack and a wonderful cross from Boyce was met by an outstanding header from Byrne (not noted for his heading ability) to level the scores at 2-2. We continued to attack the South Bank and from a corner close to the end Geoff Hurst rose high to head the ball towards goal and it was scrambled home by Byrne to complete his hat-trick. A great afternoon.

Apparently the game was the first ever time we appeared on Match of the Day which began broadcasting three weeks earlier at the beginning of the season. In those days they only showed highlights from one game. The game that they selected was not announced in advance and information was not released on TV until 4pm on the day when the game was in its second half. They were worried that fans would stay away from games to watch the game on TV. How times change! It made no difference to me as Match of the Day was shown on BBC2 then in the early evening and our TV couldn’t get BBC2. But I do remember watching parts of some games through the window of a TV rentals shop in Canning Town as I waited at the bus stop with my parents for the Green Line bus to take us home to Rainham.

Other things I remember from those 1950s and 1960s games were the lack of argument following the awarding of penalty kicks with virtually no time between the offence and the kick being taken. And do you remember that when goals were scored whole toilet rolls were thrown onto the pitch from behind the goals. What was that all about?

The four games I’ve highlighted all happened by the time I was just ten years old. There have been other excellent wins since, a 5-3 in 1976 when we had five different goalscorers, Bonds, Brooking, Curbishley, Jennings and Pop Robson, a 4-1 on New Years Eve 1983 (Brooking, Cottee, Martin and Stewart) and a 4-3 in 1997 (Dicks 2 with one net breaking penalty, Hartson and Kitson). And a couple of very satisfying 1-0 victories too. Lanzini’s second half winner in 2017 and Antonio’s in 2021 come to mind. I’ve concentrated on the home games but some notable matches in North London too, perhaps one of the best was recovering a 3-0 deficit from the first 15 minutes of the game with three goals in the last ten minutes to draw 3-3. There have been lots of defeats too (too many really) but I prefer to forget them.

West Ham Briefing: Potter’s Wheel of Good Fortune, Summerville Love-In and Last-Minute Window Shopping

It was a vintage unexpected West Ham display at Nottingham Forest where only the overzealous or insane could have predicted a 3-0 demolition masterclass for Graham Potter’s men

I was so convinced that Sunday’s game was going to be another heavy defeat that I considered wearing a black armband just to watch it. How wrong I was. And it was this sudden and unexpected transition from dysphoria to euphoria over the course of ninety minutes (plus added time) that made victory so sweet and uplifting.

Having criticised Graham Potter in the past for his poor record in the West Ham hot seat, it is only fair to give him credit for his part in yesterday’s success. The decision to scrap the three centre back experiment in favour of a back four certainly had my support – and that of many others judging by online reaction. Some might say it was a case of Potter playing catch-up as many had singled out the defensive formation as the side’s greatest issue since the opening day. I have a real dislike of the back 3/5 as the default formation – it is too predictable and stifles creativity – and it is no surprise that so few coaches opt for it – only Manchester United, Wolves and Crystal Palace on a regular basis as far as I know.

Still, Potter made the right call and the relief in his demeanour palpable. In his post-match comments, Potter suggested that defeats to Sunderland and Chelsea were primarily down to individual errors. That it was results rather than performances which had been poor. For now, we must agree to disagree on that point but let’s see how events unfold after the international break. The win was copybook awayday smash and grab, and it will be fascinating to see how the approach translates at home in the London Stadium, where the coach’s record sits at just two wins from ten.

The Hammers made the usual tentative start at the City Ground with worrying early signs that they could be caught out by early through balls. But once settled, a more compact West Ham rearguard were able to limit the host’s threat to a succession of hopeful crosses. With Kyle Walker-Peters and Malick Diouf doing a great job of policing the flanks, the excellent Dinos Mavropanos and skipper Max Kilman were free to dominate the penalty area in a way that is expected of central defenders.

The brightest moment of the first half came when impressive debutant Mateus Fernandes perfectly picked out the run of Lucas Paqueta whose first time effort was tipped over by the Forest keeper.

Despite the Hammers growing confidence, caution continued to get the better of them when in possession. Reluctant to take risks, commit players to attack or move the ball forward with purpose. It took a collection of inspired substitutions to change the complexion of the game completely – Callum Wilson (64^th minute), Andy Irving (75) and Crysencio Summerville (82) on for Niclas Fullkrug, James Ward-Prowse and Fernandes respectively.

The introduction of Summerville might well have been a token gesture; to give him a short run-out after such a lengthy lay-off. Yet within six minutes, his pace, energy and direct running had set up Jarrod Bowen for a delightfully instinctive opener and won the penalty (converted by Paqueta) to double the West Ham lead.

The signing of Callum Wilson had divided opinion among West Ham fans. There’s no doubt he is an intelligent and mobile footballer with a level of close control rare in a West Ham striker. His presence and movement caused immediate nuisance to the Forest defence, and he capped off a fine display with a well taken headed goal – West Ham’s third and his 89^th in the Premier League.

Special mention also to Irving who, as ever, acquitted himself expertly in the few minutes he was allowed on the pitch. Quite why he has never been given the nod over several of the other underperforming midfielders is an ongoing puzzle.

And no forgetting a first clean sheet of the season. Well-done to Mads Hermansen for bouncing back from an awkward start to his West Ham career. He wasn’t unduly tested by Forest but handled everything thrown at him competently. It was noticeable how comfortable he is with the ball at his feet.

Despite Sommerville grabbing the headlines, my man of the match vote goes to Diouf. Strong in defence, quick to get forward and provider of wonderful crosses. But there were also many other fine performances including Mavropanos. Walker-Peters, Fernandes, Bowen and Paqueta. The mazy Payet-esque run by Bowen would have been a delightful goal had it not been for Wilson’s intervention.

Only time will tell whether Potter has answered his critics with this unlikley win. In many ways, it was a very un-Potter like victory based on fast breakaways/ counterattacks and defending a lead by trying to score more rather than sitting back, bringing on more defenders, and conceding space and territory. Was this by accident or design? Trying to visualise a Potter lineup that simultaneously includes Magassa, Fernandes, Paqueta and Summerville stretches adventure to mind bending proportions. Never mind, at least we now have three surprise points on the board and are only three away from a Champions League spot😉.

VAR – Ruining Football Since 2019

When West Ham scored their opener on Sunday, I was waiting for VAR to rule that the throw-in leading up to it had been awarded to the Hammers incorrectly and that the goal should be chalked off. This came on the heels of one of the most ludicrous VAR interventions ever in the Chelsea – Fulham game on Saturday when a collision in one half of the pitch was deemed to be a careless enough challenge to rule out a Fulham goal in the other. Quite why the VAR guy felt the need to get involved, why the referee went along with it and how it can take four minutes to check a clear and obvious error, highlights everything that is wrong with the implementation. Putting useful technology into the hands of incompetents will always fail. VAR is sucking the life, joy and spontaneity out of the football experience.

It used to be said that two pairs of eyes are better than one. But whoever said that had never met referees. Keep the goal-line technology and semi-automated off-sides but chuck the rest out until someone sensible can be found to operate it.

Pawn Man Swoops In To Save Kyle MacFallguy

The funniest story of the internet content week was the idea that David Sullivan was taking back control of the club’s transfer business due to the failure of Potter and MacFallguy to identify any players the Chairman was prepared to sign. Surely only an idiot believes this spin from the man who has undermined every recruitment specialist hired by the club over the last ten years.

Pawn Man announces two new West Ham signings

As it happens, it may just be possible that the club has made a few excellent signings this window. At least they are in the right age range and can move beyond snail pace. We will need to wait to see how reasonable the transfer fees paid turn out to be.

The club has taken an unusual approach to transfers. Announce at the start of the window that you are skint and must sell before you buy – so that buying clubs can screw you on fees received. Then do little or nothing for over 80 days before desperation sets in and allows selling clubs to similarly screw you on fees paid.

Today is, of course, the final day of the summer window. Most often, it is an anticlimax at the London Stadium especially when considering the typical time needed to complete a medical and seal a deal for each player. Will this year be any different? Was winning on Sunday bad timing, giving the board an excuse to do nothing more now that everything seems ok again?

We can definitely expect a few more outgoings with Nayef Aguerd and Guido Rodriguez ready and waiting with their bags packed . Maybe Andy Irving will also depart in search of regular football – I hope not. Plus, there are still rumours about Tomas Soucek heading for a Moyes reunion tour.

As for incomings, we are still short in cover for central defence and striker. Useful youthful cover in both areas would be more than welcome.

The bright spot is that with the window closing (slamming shut) at 7pm, there’s no need to stay up late this year. COYI!

Bottom of the table West Ham visit the City Ground on Sunday

(Part of the Reasons Not To Be Cheerful series)

The range of subjects that can be studied these days is extensive. This week I came across an examination paper set for a group who are on a Football Satirical Studies course. They have to sit a topical examination throughout the duration of the course and this week’s paper related to West Ham. I included a copy of the paper in my article yesterday. There is a follow up paper for keen students where the Nottingham Forest v West Ham game this Sunday is previewed – I thought you might like to take a look.

Football Studies: West Ham vs Nottingham Forest – Hope, Hype & Humiliation Examination Paper

Module: Premier League Prognostics

Date of Fixture: Sunday 31st August 2025

Duration: 90 minutes – After 45 minutes you are allowed a 15 minute break (time may be added on at the end of each half of the exam at the discretion of the invigilator – just ask if you need more time – you probably will!)

Instructions: Answer all questions. Use tactical insight, historical trauma, and gallows humour. Cite Chris Wood sparingly. Emotional outbursts are permitted in moderation, although marks will be deducted (whether justified or not) for expletives. No marks will be deducted for incorrect spelling of Nuno Espirito Santo or Evangelos Marinakis although you are expected to refer to them throughout the answers to the questions. Additional marks will be given for appropriate use of Brian Clough quotes.

Section A: Tactical Forecasting (30 marks)

1. Using Forest’s 3-1 win over Brentford and West Ham’s 1-5 loss to Chelsea, model the expected possession split, shot count, touches in opponent’s penalty area and defensive errors. Include projected minutes until West Ham concede their first goal.

2. Evaluate the threat posed by Chris Wood, who has scored 13 league goals at the City Ground since last season—second only to Mo Salah. How should West Ham’s backline prepare, assuming they remember how to mark?

3. Discuss the impact of West Ham’s belated transfer dealings this week.

Section B: Psychological Warfare (30 marks)

4. Discuss the mental state of West Ham fans heading into the City Ground, where Forest have won their last four home games against the Hammers without conceding. Include coping mechanisms and chants of defiance.

5. Critique Graham Potter’s motivational strategy after two league defeats, eight goals conceded, and one goal scored. Should he quote Churchill, channel Allardyce, or simply apologise?

6. Nottingham Forest are fresh off Europa League qualification. Debate whether this fixture is a mismatch in ambition, form, or just basic competence.

Section C: Creative Prognosis (40 marks)

7. Write a fictional match report for a Forest win. Include tactical breakdown, fan reactions, and a post-match quote from Potter that subtly blames the pitch, the weather or any other laughable excuse.

8. Compose a pre-match team talk for West Ham, delivered by a disillusioned club legend. The tone of the talk should mix part Shakespearean tragedy with part East End pub rant.

9. Design a fan protest banner that captures the existential dread of travelling to Nottingham with zero points and a minus-seven goal difference. Bonus marks for rhyming.

10. “West Ham’s chances this weekend have been described as being like their midfield – thin, confused, and negligible.” Discuss this statement using metaphor, irony, and historical parallels. How will the club’s late flurry in the transfer market this week change the outcome?