A Prod Is As Good As A Dink To A Signed Norse: Austbo Adds Gloss To West Ham’s Derby Demolition

Saturday 5 September 2026. London Stadium, Stratford E15. Partly Sunny 22C

Pre-match Tensions

Another week, another swing from desolate doom to unbridled celebration as West Ham’s season trundles along while transfer windows and boardroom plots lurk in the shadows. To keep on top of things in the modern game, a football fan needs to be as familiar with player amortisation, squad cost ratios and pre-emptive shareholder rights as they are with formations, transitions and inverted full backs. How have they made it so complicated?

Some years ago, a group of boffins – remember them, the one-time staple of tabloid headlines, as in “Busty Boffin In Raunchy Love Nest Romp” – calculated that when your team loses it robs you of four times the amount of happiness that is gained from a win. The joy of a win is fleeting while the sadness of defeat lingers for many hours more. Possibly even longer now there is a whole online ecosystem feeding off that disappointment and transforming it into outrage. Analysing each stray pass, defensive lapse, fluffed chance, and refereeing injustice.

Once upon a much simpler time, the only statistic I was interested in after the latest reverse to an undeserving opponent was my xP – the expected number of pints needed to completely forget what I had just seen. Now the postmortem extends way beyond the call of last orders.

It was interesting to hear Nuno say how much the win against Wolves had lifted the mood at the club. My belief was that erratic game-to-game volatility is the preserve of the supporter rather than the coach, whose job is to take objective and balanced views in fixing what isn’t working regardless of results. But I suppose winning builds confidence and today is an early opportunity to observe how that works out in practice.

The Teams Are Announced

There are two changes from the team that started on Tuesday. Veltman and Piroe come in to replace Walker-Peters and Pablo. Veltman was not the most exciting of summer signings, but he brings a wealth of experience and a definite sense of leadership to the team. Deadline day signings Boiro and Morato both find a place on the bench.

Pablo is the notable absentee from the matchday squad. Does that mean an injury or is an exit on the cards to one of the leagues where the transfer window remains open? With Ajala missing also, there are no backup striker among the substitutes.

A slither of hope for those willing Pablo to eventually come good is that it took Peter Crouch 1,229 minutes to score his first goal after his move to Liverpool. Pablo is currently on 1,150 minutes and counting. Perhaps bagging the winner against Millwall will do the trick.

Hermansen, Veltman, Mavropanos, Kilman, Scarles, Engels, Mukasa, Bowen ©, Solomon, Piroe, Taty. Subs: Herrick (GK), Walker-Peters, Boiro, Morato, Golambeckis, Lamadrid, Kanté, Austbø, Orford   

The match referee is Oliver Langford. His Mike Dean challenge for today is to perform a charade of Three Men and a Baby while sorting out the goalmouth skirmishes in preparation for a corner kick.

First Half Report

West Ham 1 (Piroe 6) Derby County 0

Nuno is persevering with his 4-4-something formation with all its loss of fluidity and the potential for overload in the midfield. Most coaches had abandoned it years ago, but Nuno must see what others don’t or else believes it to be the only one suited to the players in his squad – even after all the comings and goings of the summer.

On paper, the centre of midfield pairing of Engels and Mukasa feels lightweight. It is also a setup which places too much defensive responsibility on the wide attacking players, Bowen and Solomon. Fortunately, Derby have arrived without any ambition to compete in the midfield areas and are happy to surrender control to their hosts. Taty and Piroe are rotating up top, and it takes only six minutes for them to combine and open the scoring. Bowen’s fine cross, Taty’s header back across goal and Piroe perfectly placed to prod home.

The remainder of the first half is one-way traffic with the Hammers creating plenty of chances to extend their lead. The early goal has not galvanised the visitors into action, and they are content to keep it tight at the back and not concede further goals.

At times there is even a touch of swagger in West Ham’s approach play including several delightful combinations featuring Taty, Bowen and Mukasa. How refreshing to have a player like Mukasa able to carry a threat through central areas of the pitch. It makes the team so much less predictable. Elsewhere, the defence has looked collectively sound, and Engels is putting in an excellent shift in the engine room. It is also pleasing to see more bodies getting into the box in support of attacks.

The Hammers will be frustrated to go in the break just one goal to the good. For a team that has historically failed to perform in two consecutive halves of football the question is: will they live to regret it?

Full Time Report

West Ham 3 (Piroe 6, Austbo 87, Kante 90+5) Derby County 0

It’s not clear what Nuno says to his players during the half-time team talk but once again lethargy has crept into Hammer’s demeanour following the re-start. Whatever has been said, it has not had the desired motivational effect.

Luckily, despite their increased possession, Derby have offered little in the way of goal threat. But a single goal lead is always precarious. It only needs a deflected shot, a set piece scramble – or for the referee to have called hand ball when the ball struck Mav’s arm in the area – for it to be cancelled out.

As an attacking force, the Hammers had become especially weak down their left-hand side. Scarles game lacks composure and conviction at the moment and could well do with a break from first team action. Solomon, on the other hand, continues to flatter to deceive. He’s like a disappointing firework. Looks good, has great attitude, good control and first touch. But the explosion never comes. The blue touch paper has been lit but fizzles out in a puff of smoke and stray sparks. He had one great opportunity to enter the memorable West Ham goals hall of fame when an audacious lobbed pass from Mukasa fell nicely into his path – but the mistimed shot looped tamely into the keeper’s arms.

A welcome treat for Nuno this weekend was that his substitutions worked out perfectly. Orford replacing the injured Taty shored up the midfield, pushed Mukasa further forward and altered the team’s shape for the better. And it was the introduction of Austbo and Kante which triggered the late scoring flurry to secure all three points.

Full marx to Engels for his surging run and cross that arrived (via a scuffed Bowen shot) at the feet of Austbo to steer calmly home and register a dream debut goal. Then, as the clock ticked down, Austbo’s clever pass forward invited Kante to lash home from just outside the box.

In the end, it was a job well done. A decent and encouraging overall performance, a rare clean sheet, and a more respectable look to the league table. A second consecutive win makes it a double happiness week and evens up the balance for the season if you include cup games.

Now it must be done all over again for the upcoming games on Tuesday and Friday evenings. We must rely on Nuno to make the correct and intelligent squad rotation decisions to maintain the new found momentum. COYI!