A review of West Ham’s visit to Bournemouth, a preview of the Brighton game, and a tribute to Jarrod Bowen, via Rudyard Kipling.

If we’d been offered a point on the day,
At the Vitality we’d nod and we’d say
“Gladly yes”, but we didn’t forsee
How close we came to getting three.

Frustrating it was, we led so late,
But a sloppy free kick then sealed our fate,
The wall stood tall, we knew the drill,
A draw was deserved, for home fans a thrill.

Bournemouth’s shots twenty-nine in all,
Only nine on target that I can recall,
The first half was goalless, frantic and fast,
We matched them at first but how might it last?

A controversial call, we cared not a jot,
As up stepped Paqueta and scored from the spot.
A few moments later the Hammers undone,
Enes Umal’s free kick and the score was one-one.

Lopetegui’s tactics – he asks for more time,
We saw some improvement, but we need to climb,
We’re stuck down at fourteenth, a pretty poor show,
We’ve let in too many, our midfield’s too slow.

On Saturday it’s Brighton; so is it a sin
To hope for three points and pick up a win?
But one win from fourteen, just one that’s right,
At the Amex last season a 3-1 delight.

Seven games at home, top-flight pickings are thin,
We’ve lost two and drawn five but never a win.
But go back twelve years when second tier still,
A great Vaz Te hat trick, we beat them six-nil!

The Seagulls in London, ten winless they find,
The losses and draws must be haunting their mind,
Our recent home form has been on the rise,
Ten points from five is a pleasant surprise.

When Brighton face battles against top half foes,
With five wins in nine their confidence grows,
But with teams near the bottom they falter and strain,
Just one win in seven in a season’s refrain.

When taking set pieces we used to be best,
We still have the tools to make it a test,
Kudus with dribbling can dazzle and gleam,
Bowen’s goals and assists are great for the team.

A Premier clash under a Saturday sky,
Can we win, and go to Christmas on high?
I just have a feeling we’ll win this for sure,
Brighton may score but we’ll score one more.

I wonder if you know the old joke from Donald McGill, famous for his saucy seaside postcards –
“Do you like Kipling?”
“I don’t know I’ve never kippled”.
Rudyard Kipling was an English writer of the late nineteenth and early twentieth century, noted of course for writing amongst many great works The Jungle Book and his poem If. The following is in the style of the latter. So with apologies to Mr Kipling (no, not the one who makes exceedingly good cakes …..) here is a poem to resemble his famous poem If as a tribute to Jarrod Bowen.

If you can keep the ball when all about you
Are losing it, can’t blame it on you;
If you believe in yourself when England managers doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can pass and dribble and not be phased by tackles,
Or keep the ball and ignore the cries;
Or shoot on sight and resist the shackles,
And look so good to everyone’s eyes;
If you can dribble – and not make dribbling your master;
If you can bring others into the game;
If when you lose it’s not a disaster,
But winning the game is your ultimate aim;
If you entertain the fans and play so clever,
Up front, out wide, whatever your role,
Play consistently, be as good as ever,
Win a European trophy with the winning goal.
If you thread it through to make a chance,
Or cross it onto someone’s head,
Or pass to a team mate without a glance,
Or take it on and shoot instead.
If you stay for some time the fans will adore you,
And play like legends of the past have done,
Moore, Bonds, Brooking, Di Canio too,
And what’s more Jarrod Bowen, you’ll be a star my son.

Seasons greetings! Richard.

Hammers Briefing: Christmas Seaside Shuffle, Late Drama and A Lost Season

Limping Around the Christmas Tree, Have A Loppy Holiday. West Ham stumble along from week to week like a drifter with no identity. A good point at Bournemouth but little of note to look forward to.

West Ham kicked off their three match seaside shuffle by sharing the points in an entertaining Monday night encounter at Bournemouth’s Vitality Stadium. After that, their south coast adventures continue by hosting the Seagulls of Brighton in a rare Saturday 3 PM start before travelling back down to Southampton on Boxing Day.

Although the Christmas programme is nowhere near as congested as it once was, the Hammers still face eight games between now and the end of January 2025. As we are routinely reminded the games come ‘thick and fast‘ – certainly thick in West Ham’s case if not always fast. There’s not even time to fit in an international break.

The final match of 2024 will be a visit to Anfield on 29 December where West Ham will be seeking to avoid setting a new Premier League for the most goals conceded in any calendar year. The current record, set by Newcastle in 2021, stands at 80 goals – West Ham have conceded 73 so far with those three games remaining. Looks touch and go given past performances against Liverpool.

The point gained at Bournemouth provided few clues on the future of Julen Lopetegui and the latest ‘three games to save his job’ cliffhanger. A quick look at the bottom of the league table suggests that, unless something drastic happens, the survival threshold this season will be be well below the magical 40 points – maybe even as low as 30 to 32. With West Ham having already scrambled 19 points, the likelihood of getting dragged into the mire of a relegation battle is extremely remote.

Perhaps a different record for the club to target is for the most consecutive weeks spent in the same league position. Having moved into 14th on 2 November they have become so settled that they might be planning to give the place a lick of paint and replace the curtains. What are the chances of staying put right until the end of the season?  Limping along to reach a disappointing on-target total of 45 points by the end of May.

It feels increasingly likely that Loppy will see out the rest of the season. I don’t suppose the Board are happy with their return on investment, but they appear not to look too far beyond preserving Premier League status in any given season. Why pay out more compensation than you need in the circumstances?That an underwhelming bottom half finish might lead to an exodus of any players who are frustrated by the club’s apparent lack of ambition is a problem for another day – and a boost to the summer revenues. Is it not now time for the UK’s new head postman, Daniel Kretinsky, to deliver at the London Stadium?

West Ham’s performance at Bournemouth was arguably one of their better efforts of 2024/25. For long periods in the first half there was a distinct impression of a slick one-touch passing team revelling in the possession they were allowed to enjoy. It was a call back to the Newcastle display, demonstrating that when given time and space the Hammer’s do have it in them to play attractive football. Unable to turn that dominance into advantage, an open and entertaining half remained goalless at the break.

The second-half took on a very different complexion as Bournemouth came out with far greater purpose and energy. Whether they were weighed down by too many half-time hobnobs or bemused by the half-time team talk, the visitors were soon on the back foot and a succession of smart saves by Lukasz Fabianski were needed in the opening five minutes to keep the scores level. With space now at a premium, West Ham struggled to get their passes together.

The game looked to be heading to a scoreless draw as it entered the final minutes. Lopetegui had made some of the strangest substitutions since Tesco sent me a can of peaches in place of a frozen pizza. The result was an assortment of eleven players (including three full backs) with no apparent formation looking uncertain as to what they were supposed to do. There was some logic to replacing Carlos Soler and Edson Alvarez with both players on yellow cards, but not Mohammed Kudus who had been the main attacking outlet and is always a potential source of inspiration. There was encouragement in seeing a couple of youth players finally make it onto the pitch, even if Kaelan Casey’s introduction was purely symbolic in order to waste a few more added time minutes. Oliver Scarles had a mixed Premier League debut, looking nervous in defence but putting in one delightful cross towards the far post.

While most of us were holding heads in hands when Niclas Fullkrug’s point blank header hit the Cherries goalkeeper, good old VAR was busy checking the potential handball that would lead to a West Ham penalty. Should it have been a penalty? If the rules were applied according to common sense, probably not. But under the current interpretation determined by the wise men of PGMOL then not awarding it would have been inconsistent. The priorities of PGMOL have long been a mystery to the average football supporter. More than happy with the growing trend of handing out meaningless cards to managers and coaches but making no attempt to address the blatant cheating and play acting that blights the game such as Kyle Walker’s exaggerated collapse in the Manchester derby.

I am always a little nervous with Lucas Paqueta’s penalty technique, but the kick was accomplished with aplomb. And interesting to see him make a beeline for Lopetegui to celebrate. All that was now required was to hold out for a further three minutes plus stoppage time and three points would be added to the stick of seaside rock for the journey back to London. Sadly, it was not to be, and Bournemouth conjured up a deserved equaliser in the time remaining.

It has become customary for some supporters to blame Dinos Mavripanos for every goal West Ham concede. Granted it was an unnecessary challenge to make in the circumstances but is the type that defenders make multiple times during a game. The resulting free kick was well (rather than spectacularly) struck by Unal, but Fabianski’s positioning had provided an open invitation to aim anywhere in that area of the net. In the end, a fair result.

Next up is the visit of Brighton on Saturday. One of the league’s form teams a few weeks back, the Seagull’s fortunes have dropped off in recent weeks and are without a win in four. They are unbeaten in seven Premier League encounters at the London Stadium having earned two wins and five draws. Adding one more to the draw tally would be no surprise.

Frankly, it’s all rather depressing to believe that a season that is not yet half completed offers so little in terms of hope. Oh well, it is a cross all West Ham fans must bear. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose. COYI (or Allez les fers!)

West Ham faced Wolves on Monday night, our seventh consecutive home win on a Monday. Next Monday we travel to the South Coast to face Bournemouth

West Ham v Wolves – A Celebration of the Number Nine

The ninth of December – the stars did align,
This was the day – a tribute to nine,
Nine was the number that shone in the light,
The game was for Michail, an emotional night.

In the warm-up they wore shirts ‘Antonio 9’,
The game in his honour, this was his time,
The fans clapped and sang, this was because,
When the ninth minute came, 60 seconds applause.

Soucek’s header on 54 –far post this time,
Add them together, 5+4 make nine,
Bowen’s winner on 72, he made no mistake,
Add 7+2, you know what they make.

O’Neil wanted penalties, the ref he played dumb,
Big decisions did impact the overall outcome,
For West Ham’s head coach the win just in time,
For tonight was the night to celebrate nine.

Three points most welcome, let’s uncork the wine,
Nine over the drop zone, we’re starting to climb,
Our points rose to 18, add up one more time,
Put 1 and 8 together – and once more it’s nine!

Nine first half corners, nine shots on goal,
The Hammers were winning and now in control,
The Irons on top as they reigned supreme,
And West Ham were now in a Number 9 Dream.

Bournemouth v West Ham

Christmas is coming, time to bring out the berries,
As West Ham head south to be facing the Cherries,
In the coastal air where the sea meets the sand,
Bournemouth v West Ham, what have they planned?

Under Monday’s night sky with stars softly gleaming,
Can we win again or am I just dreaming?
The Cherries at home in their red and their black,
In claret and blue Hammers on the attack.

The game a tale of grit and delight,
Under stadium lights burning fiercely and bright,
The away fans sing loud, big boy what’s your name?
It’s Ludo Miklosko from Moscow I came. (Not really!)

The Hammers are fourteenth what chance of a win?
The Cherries are eighth and we’re 15 games in,
Two down at Everton almost at the last minute,
You wouldn’t believe that with three goals they’d win it.

One down at Ipswich as the game neared its end,
A dramatic late comeback that is their trend.
They also beat Tottenham when Huijsen did pounce,
Nine points from three games they’ve won on the bounce.

Their scalps are impressive they’ve beaten the best,
City, Arsenal and Chelsea were put to the test,
But Senesi, Tavernier on the injury list,
Two not playing this week and they will be missed.

With Antonio out who’ll be leading the line?
Ings or Fullkrug, or Bowen false nine?
Kudus missed five he’s had quite a rest,
We’ll all be hoping that he’s back to his best.

If Summerville starts, and I do hope he will,
Let’s hope we can witness his dribbling skill,
Soler’s started the last four, he’s looked very keen,
He’s certainly worth his place in the team.

Soucek Lop’s favourite, he picks him whatever,
We always are hoping he scores with a header,
There’s one midfield player we know can do better,
But he’s not on the ball – that’s Lucas Paqueta.

Defending’s a problem, we don’t shut the door,
There are only three teams who’ve conceded more.
And we’ve only scored 20, thirteenth on the list,
Our xg is better, note the chances we’ve missed.

Head to head’s positive, but here is the thing,
We’ve conceded a few to Wilson and King,
But they have gone now, Solanke’s gone too,
Here’s my prediction, a score draw 2-2.

Reasons To Do Nothing, Part 3: West Ham Win Against Wolves Gives Lopetegui Short Term Reprieve In Sack Race

West Ham are pleased to announce that the next game in the ‘one game to save his job’ series is scheduled for Boxing Day at St Marys Stadium, Southampton

Has there ever been a game, I wonder, where both managers have ended up losing their jobs after the final whistle? On the evidence of the first half, it wasn’t the most unlikely of outcomes as two extremely mediocre sides, who had conceded 63 goals between them so far this season, endeavoured to prioritise caution above enterprise.

The second half was thankfully more entertaining with three goals scored over eighteen frenetic minutes and various other incidents requiring the powers of VAR to intervene. Mohammed Kudus was so clearly offside for his disallowed goal that it is a mystery why the decision to derail his elaborate celebration took so long. As for the two Wolves penalty appeals, they could have gone either way – once again demonstrating the rather arbitrary nature of these rulings. The degree of contact, where it first took place, and whether it did or didn’t continue into the area must now all be taken into account when arriving at a split-second decision. Both were cases where the on-field decision was unlikely to be reversed no matter what. O’Neil seethed; Loppy was relieved!

The narrow Hammer’s win allows the can to be kicked a little further down the road before a decision is needed on Julen Lopetegui’s future. In times like these the Chairman likes nothing better than doing nothing. With each passing week the compensation for the Head Coach and his entourage reduces incrementally, and the list of potential replacements gets progressively longer – until they get snapped up by clubs more willing to pull the trigger. The view from the Boardroom is not of a team hovering just outside the relegation places, but one competing in an enthralling lower table mini league with the heavyweights from Tottenham, Newcastle and Manchester United. Let’s carry on limping along for now until the next “one match to save his job” event is scheduled against Southampton on Boxing Day.

There are, of course, significant financial consequence of jettisoning a coach or manager early in his contract and/ or buying another out of his contract at their exising. The costs involved must be accounted for under Profit and Sustainability Rules and will impact the amount available to spend in future transfer windows. It is said to have cost Manchester United £21m to ditch Ten Hag and recruit Amorim. A rounding error for the Red Devils but far more substantial for a club like West Ham with significantly lower revenues.   

Aside from the financial hit, the Board are no doubt reluctant to admit to making a mistake in appointing Lopetegui in the first place. Many supporters regarded it as an uninspiring choice at the outset. Arguably better than what we had, but never the right man for the job of building for the future. It is yet another example of a club without the vision or understanding of what it takes to compete regularly in the financially skewed modern game. Muddling through from one season to the next with no strategy for smart recruitment or youth development is doomed to disappoint. It has been the trademark of the entire 15-year Sullivan/ Gold/ Brady era. And who trusts the current board to make a sensible or enlightened choice when Lopetegui is eventually replaced?  

Monday Night football was once a highlight of the televised football week. But with more games now shown live and midweek action dominated by European competition, the Monday slot has become an anachronistic scheduling quirk. An opportunity to fill quotas by showing less glamorous sides compete in meaningless contests. A sign of the times that the Hammers will have been shunted to the Monday graveyard slot for three consecutive broadcasts. Given the late kick-off time and the number of added minutes that is now the norm, it is a wonder that anyone manages to get home afterwards.

Lopetegui made two changes to the side starting in the 3-1 defeat to Leicester. Emerson replaced Vladimir Coufal at full back and Crysencio Summerville came in for Danny Ings. The enforced absence of Michail Antoinio following his shocking road traffic accident is a huge blow to West Ham’s striking options and surely must be addressed in the January transfer window. It is difficult to imagine ever seeing Antonio in a West Ham shirt again and we wish him well in his lengthy recovery. He has been one the Hammer’s better signings of recent years, and his level of effort and commitment has never been in doubt.

The latest midfield ensemble of Tomas Soucek, Edson Alvarez and Carlos Soler failed to stamp their authority on thegame. Soucek continues to be an enigma. Playing in a more forward role, the game largely passed him by in open play with his lack of pace and mobility all too apparent. But then, up he pops to open the scoring with a looping header from Bowen’s corner. If that is typical of Wolves sleepy defending, it is no wonder they have shipped so many goals this season.

West Ham were once a team feared for their set piece prowess, but now it is only Soucek who presents an aerial threat. Although the benign floaty corners that have become the norm rarely trouble opposition defences, the current crop of centre backs appear reluctant to attack the ball in the style that endeared Craig Dawson to our hearts.

The Wolves equaliser and Jarrod Bowen’s winner were well taken goals even if you might question the effectiveness and quality of the defending for both. Bowen and Soucek remain neck and neck as the Hammers top scorers this season with four goals apiece.

Lopetegui’s obsession with always using his entire allocation of substitutes made for a very nervy end to the game. Replacing the pace of Summerville and Kudus with older, slower models gave his side few outlets for keeping possession during the 8+ minutes of added time. For the record, the average age of the 11 West Ham players on the field at the end was 29 years and 340 days.

Next up for West Ham is a trip to Bournemouth’s Vitality Stadium next Monday evening. The Cherries have moved up to 8th, with a six-point advantage over the Hammers following a run of three consecutive victories. It came as a surprise when Gary O’Neil was replaced by the relatively unknown Andoni Iraola at Bournemouth but it has proven to be a masterful move.

When West Ham beat AZ  Alkmaar in the 2023 Conference League semi-final I suggested they should make a move for their Hungarian international defender, Milos Kerkez. Instead, he signed for Bournemouth and has become one of the best left-backs in the country – apparently attracting interest from Real Madrid. The type of in-your-face opportunity that our scouting regularly overlooks.

I am always pleased to see West Ham win, but it is frustrating to see our great club devoid of identity and direction. It is fairly obvious that nothing much can ever change under the current ownership while they continue to meddle in matters on the footballing side of the club that they don’t understand. Will we ever see a better time, when all our dreams come true? Or is that simply a Fairytale of Stratford? COYI!

West Ham face Wolves on Monday night. A six pointer this early in the season? We recap the season to date in rhyme.

On a summer’s day in August the new season began,
At home to Aston Villa, on the bench was Jhon Duran,
It only took four minutes, Onana with his head,
A simple goal it looked so easy and now the Villa led.

Then Soucek fouled by Matty Cash in the area, what fun,
Paqueta took the penalty to make the score one-one.
The second half on came the sub – Duran was his name,
You know the rest, a twist of fate, and Villa won the game.

So on we went to Selhurst Park to visit the Eagles nest,
Last time we conceded five so this would be a test,
Would we lose to Palace again? I’ll put your mind at rest,
Soucek and Bowen both scored, we won 2-0 you guessed.

The EFL Cup was next, two teams were evenly matched,
Bowen’s late handball goal was scored, the Cherries were dispatched.

August ended when City came, 1-0 when Haaland struck,
Then Bowen crossed, Dias deflected, the Hammers were in luck.
But you can guess what happened next, Haaland having fun,
Two more goals against us, and City won 3-1.

The international break came next, and then to London West,
To Craven Cottage off we went to face another test,
Jimenez put the hosts one up – it looked like we were done,
But Ings popped up on 95, to make the score one-one.

The London Stadium next, Chelsea came across the town,
Before we blinked Jackson scored two and we were looking down,
Palmer scored another, we needed General Custer,
We lost again, 3-0 it was, the performance was lacklustre.

Off to Anfield next, the EFL cup next round,
We took the lead on 21, were we Wembley bound?
3-1 down by half time, who was there to blame?
By the end it climbed to five to add to West Ham’s shame.

The GTech was next – Brentford then beckons,
Mbuemo scored first in just 40 seconds,
Soucek struck next to bring hope anew,
But a draw was all the Hammers could do.

October came next ‘twas Ipswich I hear,
Antonio in one, oh how we did cheer,
Delap replied to make it one-one,
We then scored three more to bring us some fun.

Next to North London, once White Hart Lane,
They built a new stadium and then changed the name,
Kudus scored first, then they netted four,
Then he got sent off, three Spurs on the floor.

Then Manchester United, much to our delight,
When Summerville scored, a new shining light,
A VAR penalty, who saw it? No-one?
Bowen converted and we won two-one.

Then on to the Forest, a header Chris Wood,
Alvarez sent off – he was up to no good,
Two more for Forest it was now all uphill,
And when it had ended we’d lost it three-nil

And next came the Toffees and no-one could score,
The game ended goalless, a real dreary bore,
The fans were cheesed off, and how they did whine,
The players were booed off at half and full time.

St James Park the venue for West Ham’s next game,
We didn’t expect much, just more of the same,
Soukek’s header, Wan-Bissaka’s rebound,
It came as a shock to win on their ground.

Was this a new dawn? Arsenal was next,
But four goals in no time to stray from the text,
Wan-Bissaka again, and Emerson’s free kick,
But we lost 5-2, were they taking the mick?

And then on to Leicester, we should have done better,
He changed round the team, and left out Paqueta,
31 shots, but still we were done,
Vardy scored early and we lost 3-1.

And next up come Wolves, Matchday 15 already,
We need someone new to come in and steady,
We’re down in fourteenth, 15 points to our name,
We should really be higher, who can we blame?

Wolves even lower, what do they lack?
They face relegation, they need to bounce back,
We’re both down the bottom, which one will crack?
Two bosses in trouble and facing the sack.

(They say) Fools Rush In where angels fear to tread,
A new head coach came – he’s in way above his head,
What next for West Ham to end all our troubles?
We’ll find out real soon and start blowing bubbles.

We all love our team but they do make us fret,
With West Ham you never know quite what you’ll get,
We need to get better, start playing like lions,
With the fans all behind us, come on you irons!

West Ham’s Tale Of Three Corners: One Unturned and Two Undefended

Rumours of a West Ham revival under Julen Lopetegui were mercilessly squashed in a dismal first half showing against Arsenal at the London Stadium on Saturday evening

Expectations prior to Saturday’s London derby with Arsenal were less about possible victory as putting in a performance that would demonstrate Monday’s victory at Newcastle was no fluke. A sign to unconvinced supporters that the Lopetegui revolution had finally discoverd traction and a direction of travel. We were to be sadly disappointed.

Tentative and unconvincing from the start, it was if coach and players had written the game off before a ball had even been kicked. A gut had been busted at St James Park and a more winnable appointment was scheduled for Tuesday evening at the King Power Stadium. Let’s just go through the motions today, then! It’s a strategy that might suit a newly promoted team focused solely on survival – but don’t we deserve better than that?

A case could be made for calling out the decisions made by referee Anthony Taylor that resulted in three of the Arsenal goals. And that is what Lopetegui resorted to. But it was nothing more than an attempt to deflect attention from what looked to be poor preparation and ineffective tactics. The promising foundations established at Newcastle crumbling on their first encounter with a determined and energetic opponent.

Nowhere were the shortcomings more evident than in midfield where the new partnership of Tomas Soucek, Lucas Paqueta and Carlos Soler failed to exert any of the composure tht had been exhibited the previous Monday. Control was meekly surrendered to the strength, skill and tenacity of Odegaard, Rice and Jorginho. Soucek huffed and puffed but was slow, lost and lumbering; while Paqueta served up one of his frustratingly casual displays that verge on the cusp of liability. Soler was the brightest of the three – and what a stunning pass it was to set up Aaron Wan-Bissaka for the first West Ham goal – but was deployed too far forward to stamp any authority on the game. Collectively, they failed to compete, unable to provide a platform for retaining possession or building forward momentum -especially during that woeful opening 36 minutes.

Some observers saw a sliver of positivity from the more even exchanges of the second period. The introduction of Edson Alvarez certainly added spark to the midfield but doing so at the expense of Crysencio Summerville was a damage limiting call rather than a brave one. Although Alavrez may well have made a difference had he started, would he have made it to half-time given his love of the rash callenge and the ease and drama with which Arsenal players fall to the ground?  

They say that football is a game of opinions and that is increasingly becoming the norm for refereeing decisions. At one time a push in the back was an obvious offence but now it is down to the official’s calculation as to the degree of force exerted. The shove on Paqueta by Timber for the visitor’s opening goal was overlooked by the referee and VAR declined to enter the debate. Likewise, penalty decisions have become increasingly subjective and impossible to judge – harsh say the Hammers; stonewall say the Gunners – as matches become more concerened with generating content for post-match analysis than for the beauty of the game itself. The new directive for VAR to defer increasingly to on-field decisions makes one wonder what purpose it is now serving.

Arsenal’s corner tactics would have made Don Revie a proud man. As would the way the Gunner’s have embraced the cynical dark arts of diving, cheating and time-wasting. Arteta comes across as a deeply unlikeable character and he has successfully created a team in his own image. Still, in the world of win-at-all-costs football it has helped them get results. As long as they continue to be runners-up, let them get on with it.

Lukasz Fabianski is far from the ideal candidate to cope with the agricultural Arsenal corner routine. A far more commanding keeper is required, and it is a position that West Ham must address sooner rather than later. The Hammers have long been suckered by opponents attempting overloads at set pieces with several Brentford reverses springing to mind. Ultimately, the Set Piece Defensive coaches (if there is such a thing) up and down the land must find a way of coming to terms with the tactic. Possibly finding a way to avoid adding to the general confusion and congestion by defending zonally or building a wall at the back post to block the runners. It was a mystery what Max Kilman’s role was supposed to be when Gabriel headed in the opener – but apparently it had been practised on the training ground.

The Lopetegui circus now moves on to Leicester tomorrow night for what some have billed as another ‘must win’ game. The Foxes were abysmal in their defeat to Brentford on Saturday but will have new manager, Ruud Van Nistelrooy, in the dugout for Tuesday’s game. If the Hammers are to resist the new manager bounce, they will need to wake their ideas up sharpish. Vardy’s eyes will have lit up watching the Havertz goal at the weekend and it will not have escaped his attention that Kilman and Jean-Claire Todibo have been consistently vulnerable to the simple ball over the top.

Something else to watch out for tonight is the FA Cup Third Round draw. West Ham are ball number 43 and will be hoping to avoid the traditional poisoned chalice of a trip to Manchester or Liverpool. I must add a ‘very well done’ to the Daggers for reaching the third round. A trip down the road to Victoria Road would do very nicely. COYI!

A tale of the unexpected – Victory for West Ham in the North-East

Oh West Ham you make us fret,
We never know what we’re gonna get,
At St James’s Park, under a North-East sky,
Playing the Geordies you soared so high.

Oh Hammers bold in claret and blue,
Monday’s triumph still feels brand new,
We saw the game on TV on Sky,
Always play like that? No, but why?

Before the game a sense of dread,
Supporters patience a dwindling thread,
The coach undeterred by doubt or fear,
Unveiled his plan, his vision clear.

The Magpies began with all their might,
But we stood firm, defence was tight,
Soucek’s pinpoint header clean and pure,
We took the lead 1-0 for sure.

3000 were singing the bubbles song,
Wan-Bissaka could do no wrong,
He hit the post, it bounced and spun,
A goal 2-0, the match was won.

From back to front they played their part,
A victory etched in every heart,
In Newcastle’s home we claimed the prize,
A night of glory under North-East skies.

Now bring on the Gunners.

But now the Arsenal lie ahead,
A fierce new battle to be led,
Can the Hammers bring the flair,
And meet the Gunners with skill and dare?

Antonio with your power and speed,
Must breach their defence, to take the lead.
And Tomas Soucek, with all that’s been said,
Please score yet another goal with your head.

Fabianski the keeper you need to excel,
Keep guarding the net like a sentinel,
This season not great, but Monday night better,
Creative and skilful that’s Lucas Paqueta.

Soler you surprised us to answer the riddle
Of just who to pick to play in the middle.
Summerville you play with such skill and such heart,
For me you should always be picked from the start

Max in defence answering the call,
Repelling attacks and standing so tall
And Jarrod you dance with such nimble feet,
Just weave through on goal to complete the defeat.

So take to the pitch and show us the pride,
As London’s east and north sides collide,
We’ll all be watching, we’ll be holding our breath
For ninety plus minutes, it’ll be life or death.

Expecting the Unexpected, Sensible Selections and Turning The Corner: West Ham Win At Newcastle

A surprise win for West Ham at Newcastle provides a boost for Julen Lopetegui in his quest to escape the Premier League sack race. How did it happen and was it anything more than a freak result?

Was this just like watching West Ham of old? A match where only the rosiest of claret and blue tinted spectacle wearers had predicted an away win, while most of us (myself include) could not see past the first of two heavy defeats that were going to put an end to Julen Lopetegui’s short-lived reign at the London Stadium. But just as all hope for something to shout about this season was being abandoned, the Hammers reeled us back in with a commanding display and well-deserved victory at St James Park.

This was no smash and grab raid. Lopetegui’s side had their fair share of possession and, for once, there was a confidence and slickness to the passing that grew as the game progressed – buoyed by the early goal from the head of Tomas Soucek. It was encouraging to see the team refusing to drop into a low block once the lead was secured, and to witness the levels of commitment and effort on show throughout. Any speculation in the media that the proverbial dressing had been lost appeared well wide of the mark based on the evidence of last night’s showing.

There were two things that stood out for me with the team selection and tactics. The first was that (at long last) no-one was being asked to play out of position or in a role that they clearly didn’t understand. No inverted wing back roles for full backs. No defensive midfielder being asked to fall back into a fluid back three. No central midfielder marooned out on the left wing. The second was that populating the centre of midfield with players familiar with controlling and passing the ball contributed massively to overall cohesiveness. A partnership of Lucas Paqueta and Carlos Soler provided far improved ball retention and freed up Soucek to do what he does best – getting in the way (in a good way) in both boxes. I thought much of the criticism directed at Soler had been harsh and premature given the limited minutes played in his preferred position. I have previously suggested that playing more than one of Soucek, Guido Rodriguez and Edson Alvarez in the same midfield would never be a wise move if possession football was the name of the game. On this occasion, Lopetegui got his selections spot on, but one must ask why it took him so long to get there.

There were fine performances throughout the team. Lukasz Fabianski defied the years in goal and showed a surprise gift for passing and dribbling along his goal line, while the defence as a unit was largely solid in earning its second clean sheet in a row. And I have already mentioned how better balanced and flexible the midfield engine room looked – including a tidy cameo from Andy Irving in the last ten minutes. But it was the performances of Michail Antonio and Jarrod Bowen that really stood out on the night.

West Ham were the main beneficiaries of Antonio losing his passport and being unable to travel for Jamaica’s CONCACAF Nations League fixture. The rest appeared to have worked wonders as he worked tirelessly to unsettle a perplexed Newcastle defence until his late replacement by Danny Ings. Bowen was arguably the most effective player on the pitch. He may not be the most obvious of materials for skipper but can certainly lead by example. He popped up all over the pitch, was always available as an outlet from defence and was a constant source of menace in his link-up play with Aaron Wan-Bissaka. The West Ham squad is built for counterattacking and Bowen firing on all cylinders is central to that threat.

It is difficult to know what to make of Newcastle. After a bright start they faded badly. They have a surplus of attacking players who didn’t appear up for it, looked lethargic in midfield and vulnerable in defence when put under pressure. They strike me as a group of individuals without much of a collective ethos. Whether their failure to deliver was down to their own inadequacies or to West Ham’s efforts is debateable. Eddie Howe is another who may be looking over his shoulder at the job centre queue by the end of the season.

The result and performance for West Ham last night inevitably turned to speculation as to whether the legendary corer has been turned or not. As a whole, the performance stands as an outlier in a sequence of otherwise underwhelming and unimaginative showings – and on the back of one of the very worst against Everton two weeks ago. It’s fair to say that if the same effort and endeavour had been shown all season – even if the points tally remained the same – there would have been far fewer calls for Lopetegui to be replaced. Could it be that his methods are finally bearing fruit? Or has he accidentally stumbled upon a style and formation that suits the players and works in the Premier League? He has certainly given himself breathing space and will surely remain in charge at least until to the end of December, with a run of games that reads: Arsenal, Leicester, Wolves, Bournemouth, Brighton and Southampton.

We can now look forward to Saturday’s game against the Gunners with a new found air of confidence. But we’ve all been there many times before, haven’t we? COYI!

As West Ham travel to the North-East to face Newcastle in the Monday night game, the pressure mounts on ‘The Head Coach’

The Head Coach

In the quiet of the changing room there’s tension in the air,
The head coach sits alone, lost in silent prayer,
The team, once full of promise, now struggles in the fight,
The season’s hopes are fading, slipping slowly out of sight.

In the cold winds of November under the floodlights glare,
The head coach stands in silence, with a burden hard to bear,
The team’s form has faltered, each defeat a painful blow,
The whispers growing louder, from the boardroom to below.

The night is cold, the winds are strong, the stadium lights are bright,
Two Premier League teams clashing on a freezing Monday night,
The Magpies on the front foot, their wingers standing wide,
The Hammers block is narrow, they fight to halt the tide.

He paces on the sideline, staring at the pitch,
Hoping to find the magic to turn this losing glitch,
He wonders about his lineup, he rethinks every play,
Hoping for a miracle to chase the doubts away.

One down at the interval, fans patience growing thin,
Every formation has been tried to bring the wins back in,
The half time talk determined, he rallies one more time,
A second goal goes in the net, the finish quite sublime.

After the game he faces the press, he knows not where to start,
Questions probing for cracks within, have the players got the heart?
He talks of faith and unity, of turning it around,
But shadows of the sack loom close, a win just can’t be found.

The players lack direction, the tactics quite unclear,
And baffling team selections, departure must be near,
Behind the scenes the murmurs rise, of replacements lined in wait,
Another loss, its Arsenal next, the coach awaits his fate.

“I Know Nothing”: Faulty Hammers Must Bite The Bullet and Replace Lopetegui Before More Damage Can Be Done

Can there have ever been a poorer excuse for an elite level football match than the turgid stodge served up by West Ham and Everton on Saturday afternoon?

If you booked a table at a supposed elite level restaurant and the fare served up was anywhere near as poor as that at the London Stadium on Saturday, you would most likely never return unless it re-opened under new management. West Ham and Everton, probably the two dreariest teams in the Premier League last season, offering no suggestion that anything was about to change this time around.

Football clubs are extremely fortunate in being able to rely on and take advantage of the blind loyalty of their fan base. But perhaps they are mistaken in believing their complacency can go on unchecked forever. With each passing season the needle has gradually shifted from matches as sporting, cultural and community matchday events towards games that serve as content and talking points for media outlets to pick over, speculate upon, and analyse with increasingly spurious statistics on a daily basis.

I have long thought of West Ham and Everton as two teams from the same pod when it comes to the modern game. Both struggle to find their niche in the shadow of more illustrious city neighbours, but both with delusions that they are a rung above those smaller clubs – Brighton, Brentford, Bournemouth – who follow sound organisational and recruitment strategies in order to survive. I can recall a conversation with a Birmingham City supporter around the time Gold & Sullivan took over at West Ham. He told me that rather than taking sound football decisions, they were regularly in thrall of shiny, glamourous appointments or signings who they believed (usually mistakenly) would reflect well on them. Nothing much appears to have changed over the years. It is the reason why we have endured a string of continental big name flops and been saddled with a manager appointed on the strength of having once been manager of Real Madrid – no matter how badly that turned out.

What can be said about the Everton game itself? The first half was virtually devoid of anything noteworthy. An excellent saving tackle in his own box by Crysencio Summerville to deny an Everton breakaway, and a first West Ham attempt on goal by Jarrod Bown in the 44th minute. The second half was marginally more memorable. A headed chance for Everton, Summerville hitting the post after a fine pass from Lucas Paqueta, and two goal bound shots from Danny Ings that Pickford did well to keep out. A dull draw reflected the balance of play between two poor teams, even if the Hammers had more of the ‘big’ chances. I suppose one might celebrate a rare clean sheet although the visitors had few meaningful attacking aspirations.

On paper, Julen Lopetegui had not selected anyone to play out of position this week and had reverted to a back four after the previous week’s failed experiment. In practice, he used Guido Rodriguez (and later Tomas Soucek) as auxiliary centre backs and allowed his full backs licence to wander forward at the expense of defensive of duties. Other than that, it was a repeat of the slow, pedestrian fare that has become a feature of the manager’s game plan. There was still no sign of an intended identity, style of play or sense of urgency. Whatever the direction of travel, it is either a mystery to the players or they are ill-equipped to deliver it. The possession stats might look better than last season, but it is possession for the sake of it. Build ups are too slow and lacking penetration to worry opposition defences.

Summerville was by far the standout and liveliest player for West Ham, raising the question why had it taken so long for him to be given a chance? One might also question why Danny Ings has been given so few minutes (75 across 5 games) when he is the only fit player in the squad to possess a striker’s instinct. His West Ham career may be a huge disappointment overall, but he has looked much sharper than the alternatives during those limited minutes. Bowen came to life in the second half but is wearing the captain’s armband like an anchor around his neck. Indeed, leadership is currently impossible to spot both on and off the pitch.

Unlike some observers, I thought Paqueta had one of his more enterprising games this season – although admittedly this is a low bar – no matter what the statistics might say. If your play maker’s passing stats are in the high 90% then he is not being adventurous enough. I also think Carlos Soler deserves more than his single start to show what he can do. He may have the look of someone attending a fancy-dress party as a caricature Spaniard but I’m sure there’s a talented player in there somewhere, if only it is given the opportunity to flourish.

Vladimir Coufal was a surprise 67th minute replacement for Aaron Wan-Bissaka allowing the Czechkle Brothers to reprise their famous to me, to you routine close to the right touchline – until Soucek puts the ball into touch. Some players are just not cut out for possession football and big Tom is one of them. If he is not scoring goals, he is a passenger who simply gets in the way and slows everything down. Michail Antonio is another unsuited to a game that is built upon passing and movement.

Lopetegui has now managed 13 West Ham league and cup games with 4 wins and 6 defeats. It currently stands at one less game than he lasted in his spell at the Bernabeu. There is plenty of speculation as to whether he will survive to surpass that total or whether he will be released during the international break. With games against Newcastle and Arsenal on the horizon, the Hammers could well be flirting with the relegation zone going into December.

There is little doubt on the evdience to date that the appointment has been a huge and expensive mistake. If there were signs of progress, then there could be justification to allow more time to “turn things around”. But that rarely happens and all we can see is a muddle with a confused and unhappy squad. The only rationale for hanging on would be to avoid the financial penalty of paying up Lopetegui’s contract – but at what long term cost?

Plenty of names for potential replacements have already been thrown about in the media. We have no way of knowing how reliable any of those reports are. Many supporters – and I am one – will be doubtful that the Board are capable of making a sensible decision based on footballing criteria alone. Much of the anger is directed at David Sullivan but he no longer is a majority owner and surely the other shareholders will want their say. The niggling suspicion, though, is that ambitions do not extend far beyond the maintenance of Premier League status necessary to preserve the asset value of the club.

Managing a Premier League club in London makes the West Ham job an attractive proposition for any ambitious manager keen to prove his worth. Hopefully, any search can go beyond the unemployed although the financial aspects of changing manager cannot be ignored. As far as I know, money spent on compensation would not only burn a hole in the Board’s pockets but also have an adverse impact on spend in future transfer windows. But it is time to take a long-term view on the future of the club. One based on sound principles and the type of succession planning that has been succesful at Brighton. A younger rising star manager, who I may well have never heard of, with fresh progressive ideas, and a focus on youth would be just the job. COYI!