Author: Geoff Hopkins

The Premier League season continues to fizzle out prior to what should have been its ultimate finale on Sunday requiring the assorted media and commentators to dig deep into the hyperbole to find a story of any significant interest.  With the title having been wrapped up months ago and the relegation places all but settled ( a hearty pat on the back to Huddersfield) there is only the jostling for positions in the top four still up for grabs – about as compelling as the third place play-off match at a World Cup.  It no longer really matters where you finish in the top four for the purposes of the Champion’s League money-go-round and so the only matter of consequence that remains unresolved is the unlikely prospect of Chelsea pipping Liverpool for the final qualification spot – unless, that is, Swansea can put ten past Stoke.

Football seasons are becoming increasingly like fireworks displays for me.  Despite all the lessons of history I still get excited by the prospect of a new one starting and yet all too quickly it becomes routinely predictable.  Unless you are a small child you have seen it all before and you can’t help but look at your watch hoping that it will all be over as soon as possible; and without any accidents.  For all the whizz, bangs and whistles the underlying product has become less interesting and more cynical each year.  Still if there is to be one final big bang it might as well be against Manchester United rather than the actual scheduled climax against Fat Sam’s Everton side which has all the appeal of a damp sparkler.

The visitors need one more point from either tonight’s game or at home to Watford on Sunday to claim second spot despite having been lapped some time ago by their City neighbours.  They also have the FA Cup Final to look forward to and thus it is difficult to gauge their level of commitment and motivation for this one, particularly after their defeat at Brighton last weekend.

Should the extraordinary happen and West Ham win their final two games, the record books will show a comfortable mid-table finish for the Hammers which, as we know, is a long way from what actually happened.  Now that our heroes have secured survival we can only speculate as to whether the reaction will be a performance lacking in fear or one lacking in effort.  Generally, the team makes an attempt to turn up against the Red Devils which can only be a good thing.

Head to Head

Two years ago today West Ham came from behind to beat Manchester United 3-2 in the very last competitive game at Upton Park.  Two short years but it could well have been a lifetime ago such has the mood changed around the club.  The Hammers have won three and lost five of the last twelve home games against the Manchester Reds, including last year’s defeat inspired by a piece of Phil Jones cheating to get Sofiane Feghouli sent off by hapless referee Mike Dean.  Which reminds me what happened to that new rule about retrospective red cards for players who deceive a referee?  Seems it was abandoned after Manuel Lanzini (and a Stoke player?) were banned – either that or there has been no cheating going on ever since!

Team News

Without a doubt David Moyes will name the same team that won at Leicester and will probably also make exactly the same substitutions at roughly the same stage of the game.  It seems that, thankfully, Marko Arnautovic has recovered from his injury which means there is at least some hope of making a game of it.

Manchester United are without Lukaku (we do not have to go into the game already a goal down) and also ‘elbows’ Fellaini, who might otherwise be trying out the home dressing room for size.  On the other hand Sanchez (who also likes to score against the Hammers) could make a return having missed the game at Brighton.

The really good news coming out of Manchester United is that Sir Alex Ferguson appears to be on the road to recovery.  If only their current manager were half as talented or half as good as he thinks he is.

The Man In The Middle

Jonathan Moss from West Yorkshire takes charge of his fourth West Ham fixture of the season in which the Hammers are incredibly unbeaten.  These were a home draw with Arsenal, an away win at Huddersfield and the home win over Southampton.  In 33 games this season he has shown 118 yellow cards and 4 red ones.

Predictions

Merson is back on the case predicting a 2-1 away win while Lawro goes for safety and a 1-1 draw.  Whether the natural desire to want to beat Manchester United overcomes the normal end of season, nothing to play for stupor will be key for this game.  If Moyes can put up a rocket up the players, in support of his own personal vendetta against one of his old clubs, then I back West Ham for a surprise 3-1 win.

An end of season game against a side with nothing to play for, who have only won four of their last eighteen games and who have an injury list as long as a line of supporters streaming out of the stadium before the final whistle.  What could possibly go wrong?

Today the West Ham roadshow travels to the home of former champions Leicester City in search of the remaining precious points that will seal Premier League survival – at least for one more season.  David Moyes says that the mood in the camp is good despite the disappointment of last Sunday’s performance but I would take that very much with a pinch of salt.  In all probability today’s approach will be to try to contain Leicester, protect the point, and maybe hope to hit them on the break.  Recent history will already have taught most of us that containment is a risky strategy for a side with league’s worst defence but continuing to flog a dead horse has long been a favourite pastime for West Ham managers.

Leciester for their part have continued to wallow through the afterglow of their never to be repeated Premier League crown; but at least they have done it once which is more than most.  In appointing Claude Puel they seem to have accepted that mediocrity is their place in the world and it is a measure of own incompetence that mediocre looks a mighty fine place to be from right down here –even though a fine run of 5 or 6 – nil wins could still see us overhaul the Foxes.  Despite a lacklustre season for the club, Jamie Vardy has still managed to plunder seventeen goals and if there is one team who are not yet wise to the ball over the top of the defence ploy then it will be ours.  I suspect that the Hammers have spent all week practising how to defend against it but, even so, a collective amnesia will once again strike once they leave the tunnel.

 Head to Head

The home fixture against Leicester was Moyes first West Ham point back in November last year.  In the last twelve away fixtures with the Foxes, West Ham have won three, lost five and drawn three.  The last Premier League away win was in January 2000, a 3-1 success courtesy of Wanchope (2) and Di Canio – Emile Heskey scoring for the home side.

Team News

Moyes must look at his squad in much the same way that a woman rifles through her wardrobe prior to a night out and declares she has nothing to wear!  There are only the same tired unimaginative combinations to choose from while the expensive mistakes (that seemed like a good idea at the time), the ones that have seen better days and those that no longer fit are quickly discarded.  Hopefully there will be no place for Patrice Evra (whatever was he thinking last week) or Edmilson Fernandes but is there anything better available?  I don’t see anything special in Josh Cullen but could he do any worse than Mark Noble or Cheikhou Kouyate have performed of late?  Andy Carroll spent time during the week on the naughty step and his now back in contention for a place on the bench.

The West Ham academy continues to disappoint and offers no exciting alternatives. Apart from Declan Rice, the only other player who has impressed (admittedly from only brief online glimpses) is Nathan Holland.  Reece Oxford appears not to want to return to the east end and the other youngsters out on loan rarely get a game at their struggling clubs.

As mentioned Leicester have a long injury list but they still have Vardy and Mahrez available to taunt West Hams.  Also a likely starter is Iheanacho, one of the many apparent failed targets for the Board during last summer’s smoke and mirrors transfer window.  As well as those missing through injury, Leicester are also without the suspended Albrighton.

Man in the Middle

When the referee appointments are made each week there is one website that routinely proclaims ‘Referees are announced and it’s bad news for Moyes’; the logic being the existence of lucky or unlucky referees.  In truth we lose so frequently that any referee can be proved to be unlucky.  Today’s candidate is Chris Kavanagh from Lancashire and, indeed, his one and only ever West Ham game was this season’s cup defeat at Wigan – where he sent of Arthur Masuaku for spitting.

Predictions

It seems that Paul Merson couldn’t be bothered to make any predictions this week (at least not at time of writing) while Lawro goes for a 2-1 Leicester win.  I would be more confident had the Foxes not been so humiliated last week but I believe this game has a draw written all over it.

As a schoolboy I used to spend my Sunday’s checking coupons for Zetter’s Pools as a way of supporting my extravagant lifestyle; following West Ham, watching live bands at Dagenham Roundhouse and drinking light and bitter.  The pools was not just about Treble Chance and score draws and punters were also able to seek their fortune by predicting five matches that were likely to result in away wins.  If anyone had been looking for an away banker from this weekend’s matches then they wouldn’t need to look much further than the uneven contest scheduled to be played out at the London Stadium on Sunday afternoon.

The rationale for drinking light and bitter back then was that in the days before electronic measures (and with the assistance of a friendly barmaid) you could end up with close to a pint and a half for your two shilling’s worth.  It seemed like a bargain (it probably wasn’t) but for a cheapskate it ticked all the boxes in the same way that the West Ham board approach the business of football – cheap and cheerful at the expense of quality and class.  The Hammers are the light and bitter to Manchester City’s cellar of fine wine.  They are the Zetters to City’s Littlewoods – for people who can’t really afford to compete and who wouldn’t win anything worthwhile anyway.

Without doubt today’s visitors are worthy champions and manager Pep Guardiola has (at great expense) assembled a fine team that plays attractive and inventive football.  I can’t help feeling, however, that managing is rather more straightforward where money is no object; where if you sign a few £50 million duds (normally the English ones) you simply throw them away and sign some more.  The inequality caused by money is slowly but surely ruining the game for the regular paying customer and City are the worst of the current culprits.  Being owned by a small middle eastern country with a questionable record on human rights just plain seems wrong but it is amazing how a blind eye can be turned when money is involved and it is in one’s own interests.  Maybe I would be just the same if it were to happen at West Ham and perhaps the Supreme Leader will be wanting to invest a few billion in a Premier League club now that he is making overtures to rejoin the international community.

By the time our game kicks off on Sunday the Hammers could have slipped to fourth from bottom just three points outside the bottom three.  By the end of the weekend we cannot have sunk any lower but there is a good chance that goal difference could be considerably worse if recent encounters with City are anything to go by.

Head to Head

Victories over City are rarer than a blue moon with the Hammers winning just two of their last twelve home games against the visitors; in 2009 and 2014.  We can but hope that past performance is no guarantee of future results.

Team News

With the news of Abba reforming after 35 years I wonder if there is any possibility of including Brooking and Devonshire in tomorrow’s starting eleven?  Could they do any worse?

I have read that David Moyes has been using training sessions to teach the West Ham players how to play without the ball.  It seems to me that we have already had plenty of practice with that during the course of the season. Time might have been better spent on practising not giving the ball immediately back to the opposition once possession has been gained.

I don’t see many changes in lineup (apart from Adrain returning in goal in place of the ineligible Joe Hart) from that which tried hard but were ultimately left wanting at Arsenal last week.  It will be painful to watch Mark Noble and Cheikhou Kouyate floundering against City’s quick and slick midfield interplay.

City will field an array of talent each of whom will have cost more than our entire squad (probably!)

The Man in the Middle

Making his fourth Hammers appearance of the season is Neil Swarbrick from Lancashire, near Manchester.  His previous associations saw West Ham defeats away at Newcastle and home to Liverpool plus the home draw with Palace.  In 23 games this season he has shown 65 yellow cards but has yet to see red.

Predictions

Reinforcing the banker away win claims, Lawro says 2-0 to City while Merson plumps for 4-0 to the visitors.  The most desperate of straw clutching leads us to the hope  that City might take their foot off the pedal now that the league title is sewn up – a shame that they are still not playing in Europe.  Damage limitation will be the name of the game and, given that we do normally score in a game, I am predicting a 1-4 away win.  Naturally, I am hopeful that I will be sensationally wrong. The games played elsewhere this weekend are likely to have more bearing on the potential for survival than our own game.

The Premier League season has entered its final lap with today’s visitors, Stoke City, in pole position to claim one of the three unpopular relegation places.  Should the Potters come away from the match without at least a point then their chances of survival will look extremely grim indeed.  The Hammers themselves are not yet completely clear of the relegation scrap even though a long awaited second wind has lifted them to fourteenth place and six points above the drop zone.  A win today and that could well be survival guaranteed; at least for one more season.

On the evidence of their last two matches (against Arsenal and Tottenham) Stoke will offer plenty of effort but with very little in the way of quality to match it.  Against a weakened and very disinterested Arsenal they huffed and puffed but still managed to run out as 3-0 losers.  An equal measure of commitment was on show the following week against Tottenham until the hairs on Harry Kane’s shoulder struck the killer blow and left them pointless once more.

West Ham should go into the game with their confidence high looking for rare back to back wins at the London Stadium.  An atmosphere similar to that seen at that other Olympic Stadium (the one in Rome) on Tuesday night or in the home victory against Southampton should inspire the Hammers to a comfortable victory.  As always with our boys, though, the enemy  is complacency or tactics that react to Stoke’s desperation for points by sitting back and letting them attack – fine if it is backed up with clinical counter-attacking play but suicidal when paired with the, more often seen, giving the ball away cheaply ploy.

Monday night games were always great fun when it was one of the days on which midweek fixtures were played; but now that it is reserved for the weekend’s afterthought contest it has just become an irritating wait.  Whether good things come to those who wait remains to be seen.

Head to Head

The all-time record against Stoke is neck and neck with the Hammers having recorded just two more wins than the Potters in the 108 games played.  In more recent times the Midlanders have held the upper hand with a four to two win advantage (six draws) in the last twelve encounters.  In home matches West Ham have won five of the last twelve although have not been victorious at home since March 2011 when a 3-0 victory was the last of a season that led to relegation.

Team News

The West Ham starting eleven is unlikely to show too many changes from that which took the field at Stamford Bridge just over a week ago other than the potential forced replacement of the injured Aaron Cresswell by Patrice Evra.  The only other change I would expect is for Edmilson Fernandes to step down following his ineffective display against Chelsea, but whether that will mean a return for fit again Manuel Lanzini or a start for last week’s goal hero Javier Hernandez is the million dollar question.  The dilemma that Moyes faces is whether the inclusion of Hernandez diminishes the threat created from Marko Arnautovic’s free role or whether Lanzini and Joao Mario can be realistically accommodated in the same team.

There have been mumblings of a Andy Carroll return to the bench and fans of nostalgia might be excited at the prospect of both Carroll and Peter Crouch on the field at the same time.  I am not fan of the one dimensional target man but you cannot help but admire Crouch’s longevity and attitude.

Stoke have few injury worries with the major threat likely to come from Xherdan Shaqiri  (who always has me imagining he is from a Harry Enfield sketch) and in midfield from Joe Allen (who I hope is well and truly crossed off of our summer shopping list).  At the back Ryan Shawcross will continue to audition for a role as Bond villain henchman.

Also in the Stoke ranks is Glen Johnson, the most junior of the Hammer’s youth golden generation who between them amassed a raft of Premier League, Champion’s League, FA Cup and League Cup winner’s medals – sadly none with their academy club.  The shame with Johnson is that he played so few games in claret and blue before a relegation fire sale prompted his departure.  Fingers crossed that we won’t be repeating the same words about Declan Rice in a year or two’s time.

Man In The Middle

Sorting out the ‘went down too easily’ from the ‘was entitled to go down’ decisions will be Northumberland referee Michael Oliver, fresh from his midweek Bernabeu controversy.  Oliver has previously ref’d two West Ham games this term, defeats at home to Tottenham and away to Everton.  His 2017/18 record from 37 games is a whopping 134 yellow and 7 red cards.

Predictions

Both Lawro and Merson see the Hammers running out victorious at 2-0 and 2-1 respectively.  Anticipating that the coaching staff will not let complacency creep in and that we play the match at a good tempo I fully expect a West Ham by two or three goals.

At this stage of the season there are already four Premier League clubs who know their final finishing position.  Manchester City and West Bromwich Albion will be first and last respectively, Arsenal will be sixth and Chelsea fifth.  Everyone associated with Chelsea also knows that come the start of next season they will have yet another different manager.  Even though Roman Abramovich seems to have increasingly lost interest in the project since Chelsea’s Champion’s League success (or perhaps there is no money left to laundered?) he still loves to sack a managers whenever he can.  Chelsea, like Arsenal, no longer compete with the Manchester clubs in fanning the wild flames of transfer fee inflation leaving them as big six also-rans with the feel of a famous 1970’s rock band who continue to tour under the same name but with none of the original line-up.

In a quirk of fixture computer fate, Chelsea take on West Ham on the same day that Arsenal face the fellow strugglers, soundly beaten by the Hammers last weekend, Southampton.  On paper both would be seen as tough games in the run-in of relegation threatened sides but, in reality, the two once mighty London clubs are left with little to play for as far as the Premier League is concerned.   The papers may be full of stirring claims that Chelsea will be desperate to bounce back from last week’s defeat at the hands of Tottenham but transferring that spirit of enthusiasm to the most typical band of fickle West-End mercenaries may be more of a challenge. In short, taking a point or more from this game is more than possible for the Hammers.

If West Ham are no longer everyone’s second club, playing a brand of football the way it is meant to be played, there is one tradition that has been maintained throughout Hammer’s history – inconsistency.  On the evidence of last week the Cockney Boys should be going into the game with their tails up and full of confidence.  I’m sure that many supporters have a sense, even if they don’t want to say it out loud, that today could be one of those days where the return journey on the eastbound District Line is a happy one where the blue flag has been well and truly inserted where it belongs.  The secret fear, however, is that rather than starting where they left off last week it will be one of those timid and lethargic displays that all too often follow an encouraging win.

Head to Head

West Ham’s recent overall record against Chelsea is probably as good as it gets against top six sides showing four wins from the last twelve encounters.  It is not such a good picture, however, when you look at away games only.  The Hammers have won none of the last twelve and the last manager to win at Stamford Bridge was Glenn Roeder in September 2002.

Team News

Every West Ham player put in a good performance and received wisdom in such situations is not to change a winning team.  Even a half-hearted Chelsea will offer more of a challenge than Southampton did and their greatest threat has traditionally been the dribbling and diving of Eden Hazard; if he can be bothered this afternoon.  If Hazard does turn up then strength (without reckless challenges) in the centre of the Hammer’s midfield will be crucial.  If James Collins is fit there could be a case for deploying Declan Rice in midfield but the question is who would make way?

Manuel Lanzini returns to the squad this afternoon but would expect him to start on the bench with Moyes sticking to the Marko Arnautovic/ Joao Mario partnership that rattled the Saints last time out.

Chelsea are likely to have Courtois and Pedro available and I am hoping that Conte decides to play Pedro rather than the want-away Willian, a player that I admire greatly.

Man in The Middle

Kevin Friend from Leicestershire is today’s match-day referee.  Friend has two previous West Ham games under his belt this season – the home league win over Huddersfield and the EFL Cup exit at Arsenal.  His season record is fifty-one yellows and one red from twenty-eight games.

Predictions

Both Merson and Lawro have predicted 2-0 home wins for the game.  It is about time the Hammers had some joy at Stamford Bridge although we were clearly cheated out of three points by some typically terrible Robert ‘Bobby’ Madely refereeing in March 2016.  In a fit of optimism I am banking on West Ham sneaking it over a listless Chelsea with a Di Canio emulating brace from Arnautovic.

If there is one club that has appeared to shadow the Hammers over recent seasons it is Southampton.  They are the side that West Ham frequently jostle with in the quest for Premier League place money and, unfortunately, more often than not it has been the south coast club that come out on top.  Even in the 2015-16 Payet inspired season, viewed by many supporters as the pinnacle of West Ham’s Premier League achievement, the Saints still snuck in at the last minute to pip the Hammers for the last of the top six berths.  With a distinct possibility that at least one of these two teams will not be playing Premier League football next term this could well be seen as a worrying trend.

Southampton have been much admired in contemporary top flight football for their ability to consistently adjust to losing a string of fine home produced talent (and managers) looking for bigger pay packets and better things.  The merits of their scouting and succession planning have long been applauded but following a series of questionable managerial decisions they now find themselves sitting unceremoniously in the bottom three; two points below the Hammers but with a much superior goal difference.  In a panicked response to this slide and threat to Premier League status the appointment of the serially morose non-performer Mark Hughes surely bring the credibility of the much vaunted succession plan into serious question. The prospect of Moyes versus Hughes in a late season relegation dogfight is unlikely to be the beautiful game’s finest hour (and a half plus stoppages.)

West Ham made the most of the three week break with a holiday to Miami.  The lethargic response to previous warm weather breaks (and my own recollection of the first day back in the office after a week at the beach) does not instil the greatest confidence that today will see an up and at ‘em, all guns a-blazing display from the first whistle.  Just as important for West Ham’s fortunes is whatever goes on around the pitch as well as on it.  After the disgraceful scenes towards the end of the Burnley game the last thing needed is increased heavy handed security meets angry, alcohol fuelled toxic supporters.  What is really needed today, for the good of the club, is for fans to put their personal grievances to one side for the time being and play the part of the crucial twelfth man.  There are no benefits to be had from relegation; no matter what twisted logic is employed.

Head to Head

The last twelve games between West Ham and Southampton have seen four wins apiece and four draws.  In the last twelve played in London, West Ham have won seven and lost four with just a single draw.  Southampton ran out easy 3-0 winners in the only previous meeting at the London Stadium in September 2016.

Team News

West Ham welcome back Arthur Masuaku (following a six match ban) and Edmilson Fernandes (after a mysterious injury) to the match-day squad.  There are concerns with the fitness of Manuel Lanzini and James Collins who picked up knocks during the enforced cup and international break.

Southampton have few injury concerns and ominously welcome Charlie Austin back to their squad.  Since David Sullivan’s ill-judged public comments about Austin he needs no additional motivation to raise his game against the Hammers.  Hopefully, this can be reciprocated and trumped by Marko Arnautovic’s animosity towards Hughes.

Southampton’s major threat often comes via their full/ wing backs, Bertrand and Soares, and West Ham must work hard to keep them occupied and well tracked.  There really needs to be an alternative to the hopeless Noble – Kouyate axis in central midfield and even though I prefer Declan Rice as a centre back I would start with further forward today; otherwise Lemina and Tadic will be calling the shots.  That would rely on a back three of Collins (if fit), Ogbonna and the vulnerable Cresswell but that is about as good as it gets in the mismanaged circumstances of the squad strength. Further forward now is the hour for Arnautovic, Lanzini and Michail Antonio to prove their worth and Premier League class.

Man in The Middle

Today’s referee is Jonathan Moss from West Yorkshire.  Like all his other Premier League colleagues he is deemed not good enough to officiate at the World Cup but we are stuck with him nevertheless.  Moss is taking charge of his third West Ham game of the season having previously whistled through a home draw with Arsenal and an away win at Huddersfield.  In twenty eight outings he has a record of ninety-five yellows and three red cards.

Predictions

Lawro has toppled of his fence this week to predict a 2-1 West Ham win while Merson goes the other way to predict an away win by the same score.  The Cockney Rejects sang Shit or Bust while the Small Faces put it more politely as All or Nothing and today has that sort of feel to it.  Win and we most probably survive, lose and we are looking over our shoulder at the fat lady.  Southampton will be hoping for a new manager bounce – but it is only Mark Hughes.  With the right attitude and the crowd behind them the Hammers can win comfortably.  If it goes the other way I can see us ending the season stuck on 30 points.  In a show of solidarity I will plump for 3-1 to the cockney boys.