Geoff Hopkins

Lost In The Wilderness: West Ham’s Hopes of Survival Hang By The Thinnest of Threads

Following Saturday’s pathetic effort in Wolverhampton, West Ham face a last chance saloon moment with the visit of fellow strugglers Nottingham Forest to the London Stadium. Is there any way back?

Imagine the scene, a climber slips while scaling a lonely mountainside. The safety of a ledge above is tantalisingly beyond reach. He looks down. A mocking wind howls while the drop into the abyss below is dizzying. The fibres of his rope have started to unravel. One strand, then another. He scrambles for a foothold causing pebbles to break free, rattling into the cavernous void beneath. He grabs desperately at the solitary plant that clings to the cliff face. Momentary relief. A trickle of dirt rains down onto his face and into his eyes. Slowly the earth around it creaks, cracks, and finally crumbles. Weak, fibrous roots are exposed. Small rocks begin to tumble as a prelude to the plant breaking loose entirely. Spinning away in pursuit of the falling stones.

The rope snaps taut with a vicious jolt. His body swinging helplessly against the cliff face. The only sound now is the strain of his exhausted lifeline. The more he struggles, the weaker it becomes. The situation is wretched. “Hang on a minute” he thinks, “I’ve got a great idea!”

Tune in again after Tuesday evening to see if our hero can survive.

***

West Ham’s supposed run of four winnable games over the festive period is not quite going to plan, is it? Where some of us imagined a season turning haul of seven to nine points, there is only one with the final match left to play – the ultimate six-pointer against Nottingham Forest. In fact, from a West Ham perspective, the game could be seen as a forty pointer. Failure to win pretty much guaranteeing that mythical survival threshold will not be reached.

Last week I wrote an obituary for West Ham even though I’d hoped it was recklessly premature. But Saturday at Wolverhampton served to underline that a miraculous rising from the dead was unlikely. All vital signs appeared to be extinguished. Relegation looks close to certain and who knows how many years in the wilderness that will lead to under our current stewardship.

The Hammer’s demise is no overnight incident. A situation I had previously described as a slow-motion car crash. But which was described far more succinctly by a comment on a previous post as a club built on shaky foundations on a cliff that was being slowly eroded from beneath. No-one had bothered to plan for the long term and now it was about to fall into the sea. It is a story with multiple villains.

From Moyes’ negligent insistence on maintaining a small, slow and ageing squad. Through Loppy’s whack-a-mole summer transfer window and unfathomable tactics. To Potter’s purging of any characters from the squad and his belief that strikers were surplus to requirements in his soporific style of play. Each constrained and controlled in the background by the invisible hand of puppet master, Dr Evil from Theydon Bois.

To some degree, Nuno is an innocent victim of this calamity. His was an inherited squad and was brought on board without being allowed his own coaching staff. Yet after 15 games in charge, he has failed to satisfy the basic mandate of a head coach: to make the best of what he’s got and mould a team which approaches every game with energy, spirit and determination. To add insult to injury, bizarre team selections and overly cautious substitutions have frittered away precious points that were ready and waiting to be banked.

The game at Molineux should have been approached as if it were a cup final. With Forest already beaten in the early kick-off, a win would have reduced the deficit to one point ahead of Tuesday’s showdown. Up against a side without a win all season, what greater motivation could there have been to register a statement performance?

But it didn’t happen. From the first of several early misplaced passes from Bowen, a sense of effortless lethargy engulfed the team. No spark, no effort, no conviction. The resilience that had been seen in coming from behind in earlier games went completely missing. At no time did there appear to be a way back into the game once the first goal went in.

Leadership is clearly an issue at the club. Both in the dugout where Nuno looked a stunned and bewildered figure for much of the game; and on the pitch where team spirit was next to non-existent. Most of us know that Bowen only wears the armband through seniority, but leadership doesn’t have to start and end with the skipper. Everyone must have licence to stand up to inspire and motivate others either by words or deeds. It takes more than occasional high-fives whenever someone makes a last-minute tackle or interception. Unfortunately, the squad has been shorn of outspoken characters. There was a brief moment where we imagined leadership was a part of the big fee thrown at the Kilman transfer. Until it turned out these qualities were as flaky as his defending.

There have been too many ‘worst performances of the season’ to know whether Saturday truly represented a new all-time ‘low’. It was certainly a podium finish and a return to the team of strangers of early season where few came out with any credit – with the exception of Areola, who prevented the score from being even more embarrassing.

Summerville and Magassa had at least looked interested in the first half, but Summerville was again all sizzle and no sausage while Magassa was implicated in all three goals conceded. Fernandes looked confused and uninterested by his first half role and although he improved after the break, Wolves had already settled for their three-goal lead by then.

Scarles and Mayers both did OK. Both are in the early stages of their careers and hopefully there will be better times ahead for them. My main questionmark over our academy graduates is whether there is enough variety to their game. They are competent enough to receive the ball, control it and play a short onward pass the way they are facing. But does that cut it at the top level?

In truth, it is a deficiency that extends throughout the squad. Since the departure of Declan Rice, no-one has been capable of marauding forward with the ball at their feet. It adds unpredictability to attacks, creates space for others and commits defenders to rash challenges. A team which relies solely on passing is more easily countered by denying the space in front of them.

This brings me to a brief list of observed West Ham limitations when compared to more successful Premier League teams. Our main striker is always isolated with no-one close enough to feed from knockdowns or lay-offs. The front three themselves are too far apart and too few midfielders get into the penalty areas in support. The spaces between our banks of players are too great and too rigid – as if they are a table football team connected by metal rods. The backline drops too deep too quickly due to the absence of recovery pace – especially if Todibo is absent – allowing opponents to exploit the gaps that are left. Delivery from free-kicks, corners and throw-ins is poor. There is minimal threat from central defenders at set pieces who do attack the ball decisively enough in either box. Apart from that, everything is rosy.

I was one of the few who wasn’t too concerned by Nuno’s decision not to turn to Jesus (or Pablo Felipe) as the game progressed. Would it have made sense for a player who hadn’t trained and had just returned from injury to run around on his own for 15 minutes watching Tomas Soucek point at things?

I’m also not convinced that changing the manager again now will have any material effect on the season’s outcome. Having said that I am similarly unconvinced that Nuno would be the right man to bring us back up again. The right appointment in the summer – maybe Thomas Frank when he is sacked by Spurs – would be a more sensible way forward.

I wish I had enough belief left in the bank to expect the mother of all turnarounds tomorrow night. I know I shouldn’t venture into cynicism, but my big concern is the nature of Nuno’s deranged response to Saturday’s performance. I’m already imagining the groan that will be heard from space when Kilman and Soucek are announced in the starting eleven. COYI!

West Ham United 1895 – 2025: An Obituary

With relegation this season now looking a virtual certainty, our obituary correspondent considers the cultural passing of this beloved east London old club.

With the quiet inevitability of a retreating Thames tide, West Ham United football club passed peacefully away this weekend following a long and debilitating 15-year battle with greed, negligence and incompetence.

The symbolic death of a club whose myth regularly exceeded its league position has been widely mourned across east London. This is no mere sporting matter. It represents a cultural moment: the disappearance of a footballing identity which, for over 130 years, had been rooted in place, community, and memory. Memories that were occasionally beautiful, more often shambolic, but which invariably expressed personality.

Few clubs were so thoroughly shaped by their geography and working-class roots as the Hammers. From the shipyards of their origin to the terraced streets spreading across east London and Essex. West Ham was never just about football. It reflected community bonds, the collective memory of labourers, dockers, craftsmen, families, and post-war optimism. It stood for ideals that transcended sport: perseverance without arrogance, creativity without conceit, and humour in disappointment’s familiar face. For generations, West Ham offered a reminder that loyalty could be an end in itself.

The great paradox of West Ham was their ability to demand a cultural authority far exceeding their minimal collection of silverware. Where other clubs had trophy counts, West Ham’s legacy was one of intangible spirit. Where the value of a match lay not solely in its outcome but in its experience. The purest explanation of the West Ham way was football as craft and entertainment, not as a commodity.

Such values became increasingly fragile in the face of modern football’s relentless monetisation. In an era shaped by digital analytics – expected goals, passes per defensive action, heatmaps, algorithmic scouting – West Ham remained defiantly analogue for far too long under their current owners. An ownership concerned exclusively with power and outside appearances. Who ignored the club’s underlying health, failed to plan strategically, and payed lip service to its heritage. Always opting for the cheapest and easiest option when appointing coaches, planning player recruitment and upgrading training facilities. A deliberate policy of short-term thinking and managed decline.

While it would be simplistic to blame the 2016 stadium move for all the club’s deep structural ailments, the move represented a watershed moment in accelerating the dilution of local allegiances in favour of commercial interests. The departure from Upton Park was not merely a relocation; it was a dislocation. The Boleyn Ground, compact and emotionally resonant, was a theatre built for intimacy. The London Stadium, by contrast, is a monument to hubris and penny pinching.

The opportunity of a new stadium may have tempted any owner but negotiating a deal which prioritised cost savings and surrendered operational control proved to be disastrous. The stadium was a shelter, and never a home.

To declare West Ham United “dead” is, of course, a rhetorical gesture. The team will play again next Saturday, the Saturday after that, and most probably in the Championship next season. The obituary tone points to something subtler. A recognition that a much loved version of the club, and the culture that produced it, has slipped beyond reach and beyond redemption. The grief expressed by supporters is notable becasue of its volatility but because of its depth of feeling. It is not the outrage of fans denied success; it is the mourning of the club’s cultural passing.

So, farewell West Ham United. The memories will linger on; romantic, nostalgic, impulsive and profoundly human. A tapestry of glorious highs and disappointing character-building lows, faded images of every father and child making their first pilgrimage along Green Street filled with anticipation. The electric atmosphere of the Boleyn under lights, of Moore’s poised authority, of Brooking gliding across the mud, of Bonds’ swashbuckling determination and Di Canio’s impossible volley. The pride, emotion and goosebumps that a rousing rendition of Bubbles never failed to trigger.

In remembering West Ham, we honour the possibility that, one day, football may again be more than a business. That it can be a story, a heritage, and a home. COYI!

A Fairytale of West Ham: What Does Secret Santo Have In Store For The Festive Season?

We could have been someone, but GSB took our dreams from us when they first found us. Happy Christmas your @#$% it may well be our last – in the Premier League.

At this most wonderful time of the year as old chestnuts roast on an open fire, our thoughts inevitably turn to the traditional meaning and symbols of Christmastide. Scumbags, maggots, and old sluts on junk. But enough of the West Ham Board’s annual Xmas party where Chairman, David Sullivan will have ignored the advice of wise men and gift wrapped another Sully special striker for this year’s Secret Santo.

Whether it’s the festive season or the football season, looking up at it from the bottom of the table is not to be recommended. And there’s no escaping the fact that West Ham’s position is desperately grim. Just three wins from 17 attempts and five points and an inferior goal difference from safety is about as precarious as things can get.

Escape may not yet be impossible, but so much needs to change to make it happen. Performance levels require massive improvement all over the park. Fast and effective action is needed in the transfer window, reversing the historic trend of dither, haggle and delay. And it requires one of the sides immediately above us to lose their way spectacularly in the second half of the season. In some years, a points tally in the low 30s has been enough to survive. But it doesn’t look like being one of those years.

The decline at West Ham has not been a sudden collapse. We have been watching a slow-motion car crash of a club for over two years now. Failure to address a slow and ageing squad, appointing a succession of dreadful out-of-work passive managers, and running the club without imagination, ambition or strategic direction have all taken their toll. If there was anything close to a game plan, it was the assumption that we could escape by running faster than the three promoted clubs.

Time has stood still at the London Stadium. And while others recognised that progressive coaching, work ethic and athleticism could level the playing field, West Ham fiddled. The club without a plan is now suffering the inevitable consequences.

Having little faith from West Ham’s visit to Manchester City, I opted to get my fix of football entertainment by watching Newcastle versus Chelsea on TV. For once, it was a genuinely entertaining game which refused to get bogged by down by the usual Premier League scripted choreography. But there was one moment which stood out for me as to how unfit for purpose West Ham have become. Around the 70^th minute, Eddie Howe replaced his entire front line. Off went Woltermade, Gordon and Murphy. On came Wissa, Barnes and Elanga. Compare that to the options available on a typical West Ham bench. It’s like Christmas dinner without any of the trimmings!

It wasn’t long ago that the Geordies were in a similar boat to West Ham. And were trailing the Hammers in terms of total revenues earned. A few seasons later they are streets ahead. It is true they now have rich Saudi owners, but they have also been operating within the same financial constraints (i.e. PSR) as we have. Instead, by appointing a modern, progressive manager they have earned success on the pitch and used this to add strength and depth to their squad.

With revenues now the holy grail for player recruitment and football club growth, West Ham’s supposed London Stadium deal of the century is looking more and more like a millstone around the neck. While neither Newcastle or Manchester City own their own grounds, both have negotiated an overall control of operations which provides access to additional income streams from naming rights through to the proceeds from non-football events.

The London Stadium deal might look great to an accountant whose only interest is saving money. But to a business desperate to increase earnings it is a disaster. What other club is prevented from hosting important women’s or youth games at their own ground?

For last Sunday’s game at the Etihad Stadium, Nuno embarked on his now customary selection whack-a-mole. Splitting up the improving Todibo – Mavropanos central defensive partnership in favour of a Kilman recall, playing once again without a recognised target man in attack, and stuffing the bench full of defenders.

Poor old Kilman has never given the impression of being the strongest or most confident defender and putting him up against Haaland must have been a traumatic – as well as hopeless – exercise. Possibly a little harsh to call him “the worst footballer I’ve ever seen” – as one commentator did – but what a shocking waste of money his signing has been.

Managers returning to previous clubs to sign players they have worked with has always been a red flag for me. The equivalent of buying someone a store voucher as a gift rather than giving them money. One can only be used in a single store, the other can be spent anywhere. All indications are that Nuno is planning to repeat Loppy’s mistake by pursuing Adama Traore in the winter window. Can a bit part player who has underachieved at every club he’s been at really be our saviour, even if he comes cheap?

It was a dreadful first from West Ham against Manchester City. The two full backs deputising for the AFCON absentees were understandably rusty, having not kicked a ball in anger for some weeks. And the only attacking intent were long, high balls for Bowen and Summerville to make token challenges for.

Once the hosts had strolled into a comfortable two-goal lead it was pretty much game over. There was a slight improvement from the Hammers after the break but nothing to bother the scorers about.

The next four games will go a long way to defining the remainder of the Hammer’s season. Anything less than six points would be disastrous. Ideally, I would hope for nine. But without squad reinforcements that is a hopeful stretch.

It’s obvious that a striker must be top of the West Ham wish list in January. After that, I think the priority should be someone to do the job that Paqueta is meant to be doing as an attacking midfielder. Even when he is on his game, Paqueta offers only sporadic, individual moments of inspiration. Far more is needed as the conduit between massed defence and attack. Someone to probe, pass, and carry the ball forward as necessary. A player capable of pulling the strings and posing a threat through an entire ninety minutes. I shudder to think what we will end up with.

West Ham are now odds on for relegation. On the balance of probabilities, it’s going to happen and what a disaster that will be. The chances of Sullivan selling up and clearing off will be even lower once the club’s market value is sheared in half.

While he is still around, I can’t see a better time, when all our dreams come true. Merry Christmas. COYI!

Dear West Ham, True Love: On the Eighth Day of Christmas, Please Send One Striker Striking

The halfway stage of the season is approaching, the transfer window will soon be open, and West Ham are slipping further behind in the relegation stakes. A spirited performance against Aston Villa did little to cheer things up.

Under different circumstances, the gift of eight maids-a-milking might make a reasonable enough gift for the eighth day of Christmas. But when it coincides with the opening of the transfer window – and your team is in danger of becoming stranded in the relegation places – far more pressing offering spring to mind than the oversupply of dairy produce.

In fact, I’d go even further to say I’m equally ambivalent about pipers piping and drummers drummingas well. Although lords-a-leaping could coe in very useful for defending set pieces.

With the transfer window a matter of weeks away, the imperative is not just to act but to act as fast as possible. Ideally, just as Big Ben has completed its chimes and before the strains of Auld Lang Syne have faded away our first new signings would be first footing into the London Stadium armed with whisky, shortbread and the gurantee of a dozen goals.

For me, striker and attacking midfielder are the priorities although further central defensive reinforcements wouldn’t be out of the question. But that wish list doesn’t include the recently linked Josh Sargeant and Adama Traore, neither of who offer an upgrade on what we currently have. The clock is ticking and if ever there was a time to pull a rabbit out of the hat, it is now.

Of course, decisiveness in the transfer market is hardly hard-wired into the club’s DNA. Should past performance be anything to go by, then David Sullivan will spend the entire window haggling, stalling, hindering, penny-pinching and frustrating right until the very last minute. By which time it could all be too late.

It has to be said that West Ham’s performance against Aston Villa was one of the better efforts of their season. It was an entertaining and even game and there could have been few arguments if the Hammers had earned at least a point, if not all three. But that is three games in the last five now where winning positions have been lost or surrendered. Where a potentially table climbing nine precious points was withered away to two.

It’s not hard to detect clear signs of improvement since Nuno’s arrival at the club, but then that is a particularly low bar. Graham Potter’s idea of being competitive was to only lose matches by a single goal while offering next to nothing by way of offensive threat. Nuno’s Hammers play with greater purpose and spirit and have been able compete on the pitch for lengthy periods. The weakness is not having a strong enough bench to press home advantages or see games out as necessary – although I regards part of this shortcoming as self-inflicted by Nuno himself.

This week’s selection wheel of fortune sprang just the one surprise. The decision to relegate Callum Wilson to the bench and start without a recognised striker. As ever, the bench was top heavy with defensive reinforcements and lacked realistic game changing resources.

It couldn’t have been a brighter, more profitable start for West Ham. An uncharacteristic high press, a defensive lapse by Villa and Mateus Fernandes broke free to curl home his first Hammer’s goal with less than 30 seconds on the clock. So, just 89½ minutes plus stoppage time to hold on then.

But rather than a full-scale retreat, the game remained a remarkably open, end-to-end affair. Villa equalised through an unfortunate Dinos Mavropanos own goal after Watkins had failed to get his head to the ball, only for West Ham to regain the lead before half time thanks to Jarrod Bowen’s quick reactions.

However, it was not to be a famous victory over the Premier League’s form team, and two goals from the always impressive Rogers sealed the deal for the visitors. The first stemming from a typical cheap giveaway by Lucas Paqueta and the second when Rogers was allowed far too much space in the centre of the pitch to strike at goal.

While it’s always tempting to pin each goal conceded on an individual player, I believe there are systemic issues with the way that West Ham are set up that leaves them exposed.

The first is the constant switch between a back four and back three/ five which appears to confuse role of the full/ wing backs. In a four, they continue to get forward but, in doing so, tend to neglect the defensive duties that the formation demands. AWB, especially, is slow (almost unwilling) to get back into position when a forward run is thwarted. I’m all for tactical flexibility but is it too much too soon given the early days of the coach/ player relationships. Likewise, the weekly rotation of playing with or without a main striker. In the circumstances, would not finding a plan and sticking to it be more productive? Leave the more subtle and intricate changes for a pre-season.

The second is a structural issue that is common to all low-block fundamentalists when they attempt to dip their toes into more adventurous waters. If you allow or encourage your midfield players to get further forward, then it is madness to stick with such a deep defensive line. It creates way too much space between the lines for opponents to exploit. As Rogers did with ease for the winner.

I do like the look of the Fernandes, Freddie Potts, Soungoutou Magassa midfield partnership and hope Nuno doesn’t think it needs tinkering with. I can only see it getting better with the passage of time. The disappointments for me from yesterday, however, were Paqueta and Crysencio Summerville.

Although Paqueta produced a couple of delightful passes his overall contribution was again very poor. And fewer and fewer referees are now falling for his naïve attempts to buy a foul whenever he finds himself boxed in by the touchline.

Summerville, on the other hand, gives the outward impression of being an exciting crowd-pleasing player. Bbut his final delivery is about as reliable as a hands-free soap dispenser. I’ve never known a player choosing to run so frequently with the ball without ever having it under control. Being such a lightweight player, it does raise concerns as to his effectiveness at the top level.

Nuno was very slow to make any substitutions as legs started to tire. Why leave the introduction of Callum Wilson so long when there was an obvious opportunity to win the game with 20 to 25 minutes remaining? The triple substitution with two minutes to go was simply nonsensical. While throwing Tomas Soucek into the mix could be seen as a belated gamble to grab a late leveller, it was never likley to work without a functioning midfield to move the ball forward.

West Ham’s next outing is the traditional mauling at the hands of Manchester City next Saturday. Following that come four winnable games. At home to Fulham and Brighton (the season’s halfway point), then away at Wolves and home to Forest. We might know by then whether this is going to be an Avram Grant season or an Alan Curbishley great escape one.

Can Sunday’s spirited performance be the springboard for greater things. Just as the 4-3 home defeat by Tottenham did in 2006/7. Is Carlos Tevez still available? COYI!

Nuno’s Eggs, VAR’s Seaside Madness and Passing Through The Hoops To FA Cup Glory

The idiom of the curate’s egg is used to describe something that is good in parts. And that’s exactly how Nuno Espirito Santo’s time at West Ham can best be summed after ten games in charge. More sunny side up, and less last minute scrambles, please.

Ten points from ten games may be on the cusp of survival form but is not a good enough return to compensate for the terrible start engineered by Graham Potter. Interestingly, Potter’s overall record at the Hammers was also exactly a point per game – 23 from 23. So, plenty of room for improvement.

While Nuno might be perfectly happy to draw his way to safety it is not what is needed. Reaching the promised land of 40 points – which may or may not be enough this season in an unusually compressed Premier League table – demands 27 points from the remaining 23 games. My guess is that at least seven wins are needed somehow. By no means impossible, but better than what has gone before.

There are obvious signs of improvements under Nuno compared to the darkest days of Potter and Lopetegui. And to some extent he has been working in recovery mode from the hopelessness of the previous incumbents. The players now appear to understand what they are supposed to be doing (especially when defending set pieces), team spirit and resilience have returned to acceptable levels, youth is being given a chance, and individual players (Alphonse Areola, Jean-Clair Todibo and Dinos Mavropanos in particular) have demonstrated considerable improvement in both performance and attitude.

On the flip side, there are the weird team selections, dodgy substitutions and a flight towards safety in the closing stages of games which have already sacrificed a handful of winnable and much needed points. There is a supreme paradox that a coach who favours hyper-caution in game management is prepared to make untried and speculative tactical gambles by way of preparation.

It could equally be argued that the club is pretty much back where it left off with the Moyesiah. A predilection for low block, low possession, counter-attacking football and an over-reliance on Jarrod Bowen for goals.

True to form, Nuno sprang a curate’s egg selection surprise when the team sheets were handed in on Sunday. On the plus side, it was a welcome return for injury prone Crysencio Summerville in attack. But against that was another experiment with three central defenders, and the baffling inclusion of Guido Rodriguez in front of them.

Freddie Potts and Soungoutou Magassa were relegated to the bench while George Earthy, Mohamadou Kanté and Callum Marshall – all on the bench at Old Trafford- were excluded from the matchday squad completely.

In fairness, Rodriguez did what was asked of him. But his inclusion was still an odd decision where better, more flexible, options were available. The modern coaching fraternity are obsessed with the need for squad rotation once the games come around “thick and fast’” – whether it is needed or not. A Potts/ Magassa job share would have worked equally well defensively and with the aded bonus of greater energy going forward.

Nuno’s intent to contain and frustrate Brighton worked just as planned for long periods of the match. Hürzeler’s Seagulls tend more towards Potter’s version than the more adventurous, higher risk De Zerbi incarnation. Faced with numbers and a compact Hammer’s defensive shape they were unable to trouble Areola in the West Ham goal until their closing minutes assault.

The best chance of a stodgy first half fell to Summerville but his shot was easily saved. For all the admirable pace and movement, his decision making and end-product need a radical improvement at this level. Difficult to believe from his deer-in-the-headlights attempts at goal that he once racked up 21 goals in a season for Leeds. He would later be denied by an excellent stop from the Brighton keeper.

West Ham took the lead moments after the introduction of Callum Wilson. A hopeful clearance by Kilman, a mistake in the Brighton defence and Wilson feeding Bowen who scored with a fine hooked shot from the tightest of angles. Could they hold on or even score another?

While a low-block isn’t directly equivalent to parking the bus, that is what the Hammer’s strategy became with each successive substitution. With no pace and no-one able to carry the ball forward the last 15 minutes became a game of attack versus defence, just as it had against Bournemouth. The biggest mistake of all was to withdraw Mateus Fernandes. With him went the important protection in front of the back line. Suddenly, it was the hosts winning all the 50-50 challenges.

When the whole defensive line drops so deep and invites constant pressure holding out becomes a lottery. The reason most managers don’t deploy a 9-0-1 formation. All it needs is a lucky bounce or wicked deflection. Or in this case, the incompetence of VAR.

VAR should only have one job. To pick up the infringements that the referee misses in the hurly burly of on-field action. Of course, this isn’t what the jokers at PGMOL have done. Instead, they have rewritten all sorts of rules to suit the technology available. And in doing so, they have either failed to think them through – requiring constant revision and re-interpretation. Or introduced fixes to problems that hadn’t existed previously.

How could anyone (and I’m looking at you VAR-meister, Tony Harrington) look at multiple replays from multiple angles and fail to see the dangerous assault on Dinos’ head and/ or conclude that the handball should not be penalised. Some made-up nonsense about phases of play which meant that had Areola let the original shot in, it would have been disallowed. But when the same player scores three seconds later it was OK.

The ever-changing interpretation of the rules are a farce. Daft decisions being imposed by daft people. All totally subjective. And the reason why you can always find a retired man in black to support whatever opinion you fancy in the media.

In all the excitement, there was still a chance for Dinos to miss a gilt-edged opportunity to bag a winner from the final corner of the match. It is now two years since a central defender scored for West Ham (Dinos at Arsenal) which in the age of set piece specialists is another sad Hammer’s statistic. Like not having a decent corner taker or anyone capable of launching a threatening throw-in into the box.

It was nice to see Ezra Mayers, another academy lad, make his Premier League debut. Too little time to make any impression but we may be seeing more of him once the AFCON players depart.

***

Last night’s FA Cup draw was kinder to West Ham than in previous years when Joe Cole presented them with a 3^rd round home tie against QPR. The Hoops were 5^th round opponents at Upton Park enroute to the Hammer’s 1975 Final win. However, we have faced them three times in the competition since then and lost on each occasion.

A nice little cup run would be a welcome relief after a dismal two years for West Ham supporters. So, let’s hope that Nuno treats it with the respect it deserves.

At the weekend, West Ham entertain Aston Villa, the Premier League’s current form team. They have a Europa League game in Switzerland on Thursday night, so any flight delays or travel problems will be greatly appreciated. COYI!

West Ham Travel To Manchester United For The Battle Of The Transfer Chumps

West Ham United’s Premier League farewell tour rolls into Manchester this evening in the hope of finding an ideal spot to park the bus.

A recent analysis by the International Centre for Sports Studies placed both today’s combatants at the very foot of football’s transfer hall of shame. West Ham and Manchester United floundering in the bottom six of clubs who have derived the worst possible value for money in transfer dealings since 2021.

In the survey, which includes all clubs whose transfer spending exceeded €10 million, the two Premier League clubs are joined in the roll of dishonour by four Saudi clubs. And let’s face it, those Saudis are well used to losing an arm and a leg.

The reliability of the study was subsequently endorsed in a Daily Mail report which confirmed it had been undertaken by boffins. Who could possibly argue with that? It’s a sign of the times that we don’t hear nearly often enough from boffins these days. It has to be one of my favourite (peculiarly British) words, alongside scarpered.

Delve a little deeper and a case can easily be made that the Hammers record is significantly worse – and has had far greater impact – than the Red Devils. Relative to revenues – which are ultimately the driver of transfer spend in the world of PSR and SCR – the most recent accounts show Manchester United outearning West Ham by some distance: £666 million to £271 million. While both records are appalling, the Mancs are far better placed to absorb and recover from losses of that scale.

It is possibly the saddest indictment of West Ham’s mismanagement and poor stewardship that having had 14 seasons feeding from the Premier League money bonanza trough, they have been left with a squad whose value and quality is no better than any of the newly promoted clubs.

Last night’s results saw the Hammers slip back once again into the relegation places. Wins for Leeds and Nottingham Forest hinting that the race for the drop might shift from a five-horse race to a three horse certainty. Dyche will no doubt continue to grind out results at the City Ground while Leeds have demonstrated a fighting spirit in their last two games that is sorely lacking from the West Ham squad.

In times of desperation, it is tempting to clutch at the straw that you never know what you’re going to get with West Ham. But that is fast becoming a fireside myth. The days of pulling off shock wins have been few and far between in recent seasons. When they have happened it has been the result of opposition off days rather than Hammer’s excellence.

With six games to go until the end of the year – and the season’s halfway point – it is challenging to see where more more than a handful of points might come from. By then, we may be even further adrift of safety. Leaving survival reliant on a storming transformational transfer window – something which all prior evidence (see above) suggests is improbable.

Tonight’s opponents have been experiencing a mini revival of late, but without pulling up any trees. I watched their game at Crystal Palace as part of a low-quality Super Sunday double bill, and they remain well short of top six quality. Palace should really have been out of sight by half time but had forgotten to bring along their shooting boots. Not for the first time, it was Bruno Fernandes who inspired the visitors comeback. He will be the main threat again tonight.

With the enforced absence of Lucas Paqueta, Nuno will have been busily spinning the selection wheel of fortune over the past couple of days. Quite what random changes he’ll come up with can only be guessed at. Red flags for me would be a return to the three/ five at the back formation and a starting berth for Tomas Soucek. You might as well switch off your set, log off your stream or retire to the bar if you at Old Trafford.

Neither George Earthy, Callum Marshall nor Mohamadou Kanté turned out for the Under 21s last night – so, one or all may have been on the bus up to Manchester. My preference would be a start for Earthy with a more advanced role for Mateus Fernandes in front of Freddie Potts and Soungoutou Magassa. However, if Nuno once again insists on parking the bus and refuses to commit players forward, the chosen formation will be academic anyway. At some point, whether from a free kick or corner, the defences will be breached.

A lot of supporters and media have already written off Luis Guilherme, especially where the narrative is to highlight Tim Steidten’s (rather than the Board’s) role in the Hammer’s current plight. Personally, I think there’s a decent player in there if used correctly. Someone able to carry the ball forward as an attacking midfielder – if there were such a thing in Nuno’s plan. I don’t though see him as a natural stand-in for Crysencio Summerville on the left wing. He will not shine there!

If anyone is feeling positive about tonight’s game, then please let me know what you’ve been drinking (or smoking). I only see one possible outcome and it’s not a good one for the claret and blue. Anyway, I need to scarper pretty quickly. COYI!

Nuno’s Caution, Obliging Hosts and A Sad Farewell to King Billy Bonds MBE

Six foot two, eyes of blue, Billy Bonds is after you, na na na na na na na na na! An awful game of football was an ill-fitting tribute to this exceptional club legend.

Most of us can easily reel off our list of favourite ever games. Nights of thrilling football, electric atmospheres and tribal passions often elevated by uncertainty and jeopardy. Where the buzz of adrenaline, exhilaration and emotion kicked in from having witnessed something truly special. West Ham versus Liverpool was not one of those games.

In fact, it was an awful spectacle from beginning to end. Unfit to be classsed as an elite sporting contest in the supposed greatest league in the world. And no fit way to honour the memory of a sadly departed West Ham legend. It was drab, dreary, uneventful and without even a hint of entertainment. An afternoon to forget. To be archived immediately by the brain and filed away in its junk folder.

Unfortunately, for West Ham fans such afternoons and evenings are increasingly becoming the norm. The rot set in back in January 2024. The season had started well enough despite the loss of Declan Rice with a momentum carried over from the Conference League success. But as winter set in, it started to run out of steam. Reinforcements were badly needed. A squad refresh for the busy schedule of domestic and European football to come. But true to form, the club did nothing. Bad decisions which have been coming home to roost ever since.

In the intervening period, league performances have plummeted faster than a politician’s approval rating. The return from the past 70 matches is just 73 points and a meagre 18 wins – 9 in 36 home games and 9 in 34 away games. How are supporters meant to be motivated when a visit to the London Stadium offers only a 25% chance of success? And where successive managerial emphasis on caution at the expense of entertainment (remember that?) has served up an uninspiring average of little over one West Ham goal per game.

Pundits frequently talk about managers of ‘lesser’ clubs needing to be pragmatic. As if that excuses or is equivalent to the need for overzealous timidity. It is faulty reasoning. Being pragmatic is about making optimum use of the resources available in all areas of the pitch. Playing to your strengths. Managers command large salaries for their apparent expertise in adapting tactics and selections to suit individual sets of circumstances. Parking as many players behind the ball as possible in every game, regardless of opposition or situation does not represent pragmatism. It reflects a lack of imagination.

Here we were then, facing a hesitant Liverpool side. With a manager under pressure and a team low on confidence, riddled with defensive uncertainty following a long winless run of results. How best then to capitalise on these anxieties? Nuno’s answer was to act as the most obliging of hosts. Providing Liverpool the opportunity to play themselves back into form. Sit deep, abandon attacking ambition and allow a suspect defence the easiest afternoon they will have all season (or at least until the return fixture at Anfield!)

To be fair, there were few complaints about the starting eleven that Nuno had selected. The makeup of the bench was another matter though. Why does he persist with all three of Tomas Soucek, Guido Rodriguez and Andy Irving in the matchday squad? Under what possible scenario would they be brought into the action together? Their presence only serves to signal the tone of the manager’s intentions while severely restricting the attacking options available for those (frequent) occasions where you go a goal down. Surely, George Earthy and Callum Marshall would offer more balance and greater variety from the bench.

If the starting eleven looked acceptable on paper, it was substandard in its application. The pitiful levels of pressure applied to a wounded opponent were a shocking disappointment. We can’t be certain whether this is team orders or down to individual players but, as ever, the Hammers long-running striker predicament was compounded by an inability or reluctance to get sufficient bodies into the penalty area in support.

West Ham’s limitations with on-field leadership was brought into sharp focus during the Lucas Paqueta debacle. It was obvious that the Brazilian had completely lost control of his mind and yet none of his colleagues made a serious attempt to intervene and calm the situation down. Skipper Jarrod Bowen, standing a matter of yards away, was particularly culpable in acting as a disinterested bystander.

Many have commented on Bowen’s drop in form in recent weeks. He was certainly ineffective on Sunday (apart from the one late shot which was as close to a shot on target as we got) but much of this may be down to opponents recognising he is the Hammer’s only significant threat – and doubling up his marking as a result. Essentially, stop Bowen and you stop West Ham.

***

The sad backdrop to Sunday’s game was the breaking news that Billy Bonds MBE had died. By any metric Bonzo was one of the greatest players to ever wear the claret and blue. A total of 799 appearances across 20 seasons in three different decades. The scorer of 61 goals and an inspirational captain who twice lifted the FA Cup.

His exploits and longevity had made him a hero to many generations of West Ham fans. For some reason, my 13-year-old paper boy self can quite clearly recall when I first learnt of his signing. The first stop on my round was two blocks of flats, and I would stop for a while to scan through the back pages for the latest sports news and gossip – or what passed for it back then. I must admit I had never heard of Billy Bonds at the time, but a new young full back sounded like it would be an exciting prospect.

Billy made his debut in the opening game of the 1967/68 season – a home defeat by Sheffield Wednesday – alongside fellow new signings Bobby Ferguson (from Kilmarnock) and John Cushley (from Celtic). Little did we know what impression he would make at the club.

There are just too many superlatives that can be applied to Billy Bonds – tough, wholehearted, dedicated, commanding, courageous, composed, loyal, tenacious, tireless, energetic and so on and so on. He was the embodiment of effort and dedication in a football shirt. A versatile footballer who excelled in every position he played in – rampaging full back, competitive midfielder, or unyielding central defender. A real West Ham warrior (with matching hair and beard) who competed hard and fair, who played on through the knocks, who would fight for every ball but always within the spirit of the game. There was no underhand niggling, malice or gamesmanship in Billy’s locker.

Having first experienced the West Ham of Moore, Hurst, and Peters, Billy was not my first Hammer’s hero, but he stands proudly on the podium with the best. Although the term is often thrown around loosely these days, Bonzo was a true club legend.

***

Yet another defeat has left West Ham in a precarious position towards the foot of the Premier League table. It’s shaping up as a four or five horse race for the three relegation places. Any three from Wolves, Burnley, Leeds, West Ham and possibly Forest for the drop. Three of the five having already played their joker by sacking at least one manager.

Points are badly needed from the two tricky away fixtures at Old Trafford and the Amex Stadium scheduled over the following five days. But it is difficult to see where they might come from. After that Malick Diouf and AWB will be off to AFCON 2025. Desperate times. COYI!

Nuno And A Classic Tale Of Game Mismanagement: West Ham Draw At Bournemouth

One point is snatched from the jaws of three as West Ham invite Bournemouth to an uncontested 45-minute second half shootout at the Vitality Stadium.

On the face of it, returning from the Vitality Stadium with one point in the bag could be seen as a job well done. Bournemouth are no mugs and many of us would have taken the draw prior to kick-off. And seven points from the last three games is not to be sniffed at. So, why so much post-match negativity among supporters? The simple answer: because it felt very much like two points thrown away rather than one earned.

Nuno had received plenty of media plaudits following the two consecutive home victories against Newcastle and Burnley. They were much needed wins, the league table looked less desperate and there was a sense he may have “turned things around”. Yet, I can’t shake the doubts from my mind that he was as much the architect of our dire situation – from his bewildering selections and tactics against Brentford and Leeds – as he was our saviour. A sleight of hand like the firefighting arsonist who first sets the blaze and later returns as the hero to put it out.

It’s now eight points from seven games for Nuno. An improvement over the hapless Graham Potter but still well within the realms of disappointment. The next seven games take us through to the end of the year; the halfway stage of the season and the opening of the transfer window. Following the first three of those games, players will depart for AFCON 2025 – and may potentially be missing until the last week of January. It’s a tough run of fixtures during which the Hammers cannot afford to lose touch with our fellow stragglers. A point per game is a minimum return.

Having carved out the two home wins with a solid, dependable and unspectacular 4-3-3, Nuno elected to exercise his tactical chops with a return to a three-man central defence. What might have looked liked a 3-4-3 from the safety of the white board turned into a uninspiring 5-4-1 for most of the game. The driver for change was either to compensate for the absence of Lucas Paqueta, to counter the Cherry’s swift attacking threat, or just for the hell of it. Whatever way, it served to set the tone of the afternoon. The Hammers would be competing as underdogs.

How we have arrived at a situation where Bournemouth (£169 m in revenues and average attendance 11,200) have superior resources and depth to their squad than West Ham (£268 m in revenues and average attendance 62,400) is staggering. But we know the answer, don’t we? It is the direct consequence of the fetid band of grifters, chancers and charlatans in the boardroom responsible for sullying the great name of West Ham United for the past 15 years. As with Robin Banks, the detective, or Clara Knet, the musician, we can see nominative determinism at work here. Sully – verb: to damage, soil, or tarnish a reputation. BS Out!

As for Bournemouth, it is a very well-run club. They ditched a safety-first coach to appoint a progressive, visionary coach in Iraola. They have coped with (and profited from) the lucrative sales of Zabarnyi, Huijsen, Kerkez, Ouattara, and Solanke. And yet still have a more valuable squad than West Ham according to Transfermkt.

Reaching half-time two goals up came as a huge surprise. The lead courtesy of two expertly taken Callum Wilson goals rather than any tactical superiority displayed by the Hammers. How refreshing to have a main striker who understands the role with an opportunistic eye for goal. A great shame he’s not half a dozen years younger.

Apart from the goals, West Ham had been happy to surrender possession for most of the half. But in doing so, managed to limit the Bournemouth threat to a handful of half chances. Aside from a couple of dangerous Malick Diouf crosses, the wing backs rarely left their own half. Both Jarrod Bowen and Luis Guilherme looked uncertain in their narrow roles and too often they occupied the space the wing backs were meant to run into. As a front three, they were never close enough to operate as a functioning unit. And there were never enough attacking bodies in the box at any one time.

Still, it was a nice position to be in at the break. A third win on the bounce was certainly not out of the question. Until everything started to go wrong.

First change (46 minutes): KWP for Guilherme. There was some debate whether this was a tactical switch or due to injury. Introducing KWP had worked well in previous games as a wide midfielder in front of a back four. He appeared to have little idea what to do or what was expected of him as a theroretical part of a front three. Either George Earthy or Soungoutou Magassa would have made more sense as Guilherme replacements.

Second change (52 minutes): Tomas Soucek for Wilson. This was wrong for two reasons. One, it was far too early to take off Wilson who had showed no signs of tiredness – the look on his face said it all. And two, Soucek was the wrong replacement. Deploying him as the main striker was laughable. Iraola had withdrawn one of his central defenders at the break and this change played straight into his hands. The switch should have been delayed for at least another 15 minutes with either a straight Niclas Fullkrug swap or moving Bowen into the centre and introducing Magassa or Earthy behind.

Third change (74 minutes): Fullkrug for Fernandes. A contender for the Most Stupid Substitution of The Month award. Leaving aside the fine individual exploits of Wilson and Alphonse Areola, Fernandes was the standout West Ham performer again. Had Brian Clough been in the dugout he would have hooked Soucek straight off again, having seen how far off the pace he is now in open play. But no, Nuno took off the one player capable of putting in a tackle and holding on to the ball. As it was, Fullkrug was hardly involved – either isolated or lazy depending on your point of view – and Fernandes’ absence opened gaping holes in the midfield for Bournemouth to breeze through.

It beggars belief that any professional manager or coach would come up with Nuno’s cunning five part plan to defend a lead: abandon all attacking intent, remove any outlet for retaining possession, defend as deep as humanly possible, resort to punted upfield clearances to no-one in particular, and invite wave after wave on attacks on their own goal. Madness, surely! It was a basement level of cowardness and caution that would leave even the Moyesiah reeling with embarrassment. And remember, these were tactics developed in the full knowledge that the club has a collection of the flakiest defenders in living memory.

There is often a debate as to whether the on-field approach is down to the players or the tactical instructions prescribed by the coach. All I can say is that at no time did I see Nuno imploring his team to push up or demanding that a higher defensive line be adopted. I can only assume he thought it made sense.

Every watching West Ham supporter would have been fully aware it was only a matter of time before Bournemouth started scoring. It was good fortune that they ran out of time after drawing level. There could have been little argument if they had racked up another two or three goals.

At the final whistle, the disappointment was as much about the manner as the fact of losing a two-goal lead. One second half goal attempt (in the 51^st minute) and 22% possession after the break says it all. Only eight touches in the opposition box all game and no saves for their keeper to make illustrate the luckiest of snatched points, not a hard-fought draw.

The Hammers ended the weekend just outside the relegation places on goal difference. It’s going to a much tougher struggle at the bottom of the league this year. Although two of the promoted clubs currently sit below us, they are stronger sides than we saw promoted the season before. Clubs have learned that survival chances improve immensely when you have physically imposing players scatered around the team. In the modern game it is almost a pre-requisite for every player to be quick, athletic and strong. A lesson that a succession of West Ham managers have been slow to learn.

A shrewd transfer window in January is now essential for survival. And then I read of links to Adama Traore. It’s enough to tear out the few remaining hairs on my head. COYI!

West Ham v Burnley Preview: Ninety Minutes of Clarety At The Bottom Of The Table

A pivotal test for West Ham as Burnley visit the London Stadium for a basement Premier League clash. Can they build on last week’s win over Newcastle or is it back to the drawing board for Nuno?

Last weekend’s victory against Newcastle was as spirited on the pitch as it was surprising for fans. Joy and disbelief at last brought a smile to supporter’s faces; and put a spring in their step. A shaft of sunlight breaking through the London Stadium gloom as a run of four successive home defeats was put to an end.

Who knew that energy, commitment and determination from the players might energise the crowd and create a positive, noisy atmosphere in the stadium? No-one is ever going to be roaring on a string of needless sideways and backward passes. If you want supporters to be the 12^th man, then give them something to shout about. Something that gets them off their seats – other than to avoid the crowds in the half-time bar or Stratford Underground.

What must be remembered amidst the euphoria of victory now that the dust has settled is that this was just one game. Just as winning at Nottingham Forest in August turned into a false dawn, it would be foolish to declare a corner turned until consistency in approach, spirit and performance levels has been demonstrated.

A safe return to the calmer waters of mid-table obscurity will not be assured without resolution to the striker debacle – as early as possible – in the January transfer window. Until then, the jaws of relegation will be an ominous threat to the Hammer’s survival.

Team selection should for today’s game should be a no-brainer. If it is not the same eleven who started last week, then something is seriously wrong. Only the insanity of a coach with psychotic delusions of tactical genius would seek to make personnel changes following the rare display of cohesion in the Newcastle game. Surely, Nuno has learned his lesson from the six valuable points recklessly sacrificed to Brentford and Leeds.

On the other hand, a touch more adventure on the bench would be a welcome change. But with Callum Marshall, George Earthy, Preston Fearon, Ezra Mayers and Mohamadou Kante all turning out in the U21’s 3-0 defeat of Liverpool last night, this may be wishful thinking. Stocking the bench with four defensive midfield players and with no place for a striker severely limits the game changing options available.

Today’s fixture sees another early season six pointer with the visit of newly promoted Burnley. The Clarets sit one place above West Ham with three more points on the board. To date, they have recorded victories at home to Sunderland and Leeds, and away at Wolves.

In football’s golden age of bobble hats, wooden rattles, terraces, slide tackles, muddy pitches, magic sponges, maximum wages and Brylcreem, Burnley were one of the country’s leading sides. A 1960’s version of Brighton built upon community, continuity, scouting and player development. They won the First Division in 1959/60, reached the European Cup quarter-finals in 1960/61 and were runners-up in both the league and FA Cup the season after.

However, the 1970s saw a steady decline. They were relegated to the third tier in 1980, to the fourth tier in 1985 and in 1987 only avoided dropping into the Conference on the final day of the season. For all West Ham’s many failings, they are one of just eight clubs never to have fallen below the top two tiers since joining the league – yet!

Today, Burnley FC, like an increasing proportion of the Premier League, has American owners – the same group also owns Espanyol in Spain – who will be aiming to consolidate the club’s position in the topflight following a yo-yo series of promotions and relegations. It will be a huge achievement if they manage to pull it off with a relatively inexperienced squad.

Although few of the Burnley team are household names, their manager (Scott Parker) and captain (Josh Cullen) need no introduction to West Ham fans.

Parker had four excellent seasons in a West Ham shirt at an individual level. He was a three-times ‘Hammer Of The Year’ and even managed to win the Football Writers’ Association Footballer of the Year award during the Avram Grant relegation season.

He has had a chequered career since turning to management, winning promotions at Fulham, Bournemouth and Burnley but never being able to sustain the momentum in the top tier. It is a paradox of football management when up-and-coming coaches defy expectations to win promotion but then carry the can for failing to bridge the financial gap that the Premier League represents. Burnley’s previous manager Vincent Kompany provides a fascinating contrast, however. Described as naïve, stubborn and inexperienced during a hopeless 24-point relegation season at Turf Moor, he now boasts a 75%-win ratio since landing on his feet at Bayern Munich.

Cullen is a former West Ham academy product who was never able to make it at his boyhood club. With less than ten league minutes to his name across three substitute appearances, Cullen was eventually transferred to Anderlecht before settling at Burnley in the summer of 2022.

For those enamoured with football stats (other than the ones that really matter) the conclusion might be that the visitors are a very poor side. The lowest xG, fewest shots, most saves, highest xG against, lowest pass completion and lowest possession. Yet they are second only to Tottenham in terms of goals scored to shots on target and have outscored West Ham 12 to nine this season. Defensively, they feature towards the top end on blocking shots, interceptions and clearances.

This will present a very different challenge for West Ham than the Newcastle game. While the Magpies were poor on the day, the game remained open as they focused on attack whenever possible – they simply didn’t do it at all well. Burnley, by contrast, will look to defend in numbers, maintain a compact shape and seek opportunities to counterattack at pace along the flanks.

Breaking down organised walls of defensive resistance has not been a core West Ham competency of late. Do we have the guile, inspiration and ruthlessness to carve openings and take the few chances that come our way? The West Ham creative juices need to be in full and effective flow for a change. This is the kind of game where the first goal will prove critical to the complexion of the match and the way it develops.

It goes without saying that a second successive home win in seven days – ahead of yet another dull international break – would be a massive bonus. Show us what you can do, boys. COYI!

Nuno Re-Discovers His Selection Mojo As West Ham Come Together For A Rare London Stadium Victory

Now you gotta believe us, we’re gonna finish seventeenth! A fresh outbreak of optimism resonates around the London Stadium as the Hammers see off the disappointing challenge of Newcastle United.

Well, that went better than expected, didn’t it?

When I first learned yesterday’s match was scheduled for a Sunday afternoon, I had hoped it was because Newcastle would be returning from a gruelling trek to the easternmost reaches of Kazakhstan for a midweek Champions League fixture. Sadly, that was not the case. All they had needed to contend with was an EFL cup-tie with Tottenham in their latest Spursy iteration.

With West Ham having recorded just three home wins in the previous 12 months – and having lost all four at the London Stadium this season – it promised to be a tough afternoon at the London Stadium.

The good news was that Nuno Espirito Santo had kept away from any mind-bending psychoactive substances before making this week’s team selection. Delusions of left-field tactical brilliance were abandoned, and sanity was restored to the tactics board. A few personnel changes were in place but it was largely back to the basics that had promised much at Everton.

Despite having the strongest possible eleven on the pitch, the early omens were not good. No sooner had Jarrod Bowen’s fine 4^th minute shot cannoned off the upright than the Hammers once again found themselves a goal down. Max Kilman stranded up-field, the defence stretched and Malick Diouf allowing Murphy too much room to rifle home. It was not the start we were hoping for.

In his excellent match preview, Richard likened West Ham’s season to a clapped-out Vauxhall Astra, coughing and spluttering its way along the motorway (as a one-time Astra owner, I was rather perturbed by his choice of model – just don’t mention his Singer Chamois!) Would this early reverse become another hard shoulder to cry on? Was yet another collapse on the cards? How the Hammers reacted might prove a pivotal test of character.

To their credit, the team reacted magnificently. Heads didn’t drop and confidence slowly grew. Who could have predicted that picking pacier players and deploying them in their correct positions would produce much-improved performances? Intensity, energy and desire replacing hesitancy, confusion and negativity. To return to the car analogy: pistons had been realigned, timing corrected, handling improved and the windscreen wipers no longer came on when indicating to turn right.

There were fine performances all over the pitch. Alphonse Areola assertive in his penalty area. The defence compact and solid with the usual gaping midfield hole in front of it removed – we might also doff our caps to Nuno for having the idea of the centre-backs swapping sides. The midfield was energetic, organised and committed. Freddie Potts rightly received the plaudits for the effective simplicity of his game, and the maturity of his first Premier League start, but Mateus Fernandes was also excellent – from crunching tackles to astute passing. And Lucas Paqueta has never played a better ninety minutes for West Ham, despite the frequent falling over being increasingly ignored by referees.

The front three demonstrated a refreshing degree of movement rarely seen at the London Stadium. Bowen and Crysencio Summerville were hungry, available and prepared to carry the ball forward, while Callum Wilson operated as a centre forward should in such a system. Occupying defenders and creating space as the focal point for attacks.

With Wilson unlikely to last the whole game, it was disappointing not to have a backup striker on the bench. The implication is that Nuno doesn’t fancy Callum Marshall. But was it really necessary for Tomas Soucek, Soungoutou Magassa, Andy Irving and Guido Rodriguez to take up four of the allocated spaces?

While the ends may have justified the means, Nuno’s substitutions had introduced an overdose of anxiety into the closing stages. The Hammers finishing the game with three full backs and three central defenders and most of the pace and potential out-balls withdrawn. Hopefully, this was a ‘needs must’ strategy rather than a sign of things to come.

We must say a few words about Big Tom as his half-hour supporting role was Soucek in a condensed nutshell. Getting a boot in the chest at one end when diving in where others fear to head. Then popping up at the other to bundle home the goal that settled our nerves. And in between? About as effective as one of those inflatable tube men you see outside car dealerships.

At face value, it is difficult to reconcile how a team can apparently transform from being a lazy bunch of mercenaries who simply don’t care one week, to becoming a committed, hard-working, cohesive unit the next. My personal view is that it comes down to belief in what you are being asked or instructed to do. Belief underpins individual performance, team dynamic and tactical execution. If you don’t have it, and the margins are paper thin in elite level sport, then your opponent will exploit it. Without belief you will not recover from setbacks like yesterday’s early goal.

So, no more square pegs and round holes and we might start to see upward momentum. And that should lead to fewer taunts about laziness and not caring. The catch though is the lack of quality in depth to cope with injuries and suspensions. We have a mid-table first eleven but a bottom six squad.

It wouldn’t be a Premier League math without a sizeable proportion of the afternoon being taken up by extended VAR reviews. It is difficult to argue with the toenail precision that is now applied as the letter of offside calls rather than to the law’s original spirit. The penalty review, however, was far more perplexing.

The rationale for reversing the decision was based solely on the defender touching the ball before Bowen got to it. That he crashed recklessly into Bowen’s side at the same time apparently having no bearing on events. In any other European league, it is a definite penalty. Even if we choose to interpret the laws differently in England (let’s take back control) then why was the same criteria not applied to an identical incident when Potts was penalised for a tackle a matter of minutes later?

One of the money-making developments that I truly dislike in the modern game is the prevalence of change strips. It’s not a proper Barcodes team if they’re not wearing traditional black and white stripes. Taking the field decked out in Al-Shearwah Saudi Arabian green just isn’t right. According to AI, very few football teams wear green because it clashes with the grass. Sounds improbable but perhaps explains why Newcastle were so poor?

The visitors fearsome and expensively assembled attacking threat never materialised. After the opening goal went in they posed few problems. Woltemade has earned a big reputation but on the day looked as clueless as the succession of failed strikers who have turned out for the Hammers over the years. And as Prince Vultan once asked: “Gordon’s Alive?” Even the Hammer’s long-running nemesis Harvey Barnes failed to make even the slightest impression.

I sense Eddie Howe has plateaued at Newcastle and will soon be known as Eddie Who. My two shillings has already been staked on Andoni Iraola becoming the Magpie’s boss by the start of next season.

Watching Howe complain about West Ham adopting his patented time-wasting tactics was most amusing. The cynicism has the hallmarks of a Nuno innovation who employed it routinely at Forest last season. The mysterious case of a goalkeeper with cramp in both legs is a first and was comical in the extreme. I wish Alphonse a speedy recovery.

A great win. Time now to build on the momentum. COYI!