#paqueta – Under The Hammers

My Kingdom For A Centre Forward

According to one report I read over the weekend, a cartoon style lightbulb flashed on in the London Stadium boardroom on Saturday when it was suddenly realised that all the Hammer’s current woes could be put down to not having a centre forward. Well, I never! Such valuable insight is outstanding and encoraging. It would otherwise never have occurred to the average supporter who has been bemoaning the shortage of striking options for the past ten years or more. We can now rest easy that having finally uncovered this hidden weakness it will be quickly resolved when Chairman David Sullivan returns to basics by taking back control of the summer transfer dealings. There must be 50 ways to sign a third-rate striker, and Sullivan has given each one of them a go. He will have learned his lesson though, won’t he?

Hello Square Peg, Meet The Round Hole

It’s a shame that the striker revelation hadn’t been uncovered before the team sheets for Saturday’s home game against Bournemouth were handed in. Then highly paid and experienced Premier League manager, Graham Potter would surely have acted very differently when leaving the two centre forwards he did have available on the bench. If only he’d been aware that goals win games, the first half might have turned out very differently. I could almost sense the awful screech of metal sraping on metal as the starting eleven were forcibly squeezed into the semblance of a formation. There was some good news, however, in that whatever that formation was it wasn’t to be the 3/5 at the back that had bored us senseless in the previous run of games. None of the top teams elect to use such a formation as their default setting. It is one designed not to lose rather than win. I pray we see a good deal less of it as the season fizzles out into a disappointing finale and a worthless bottom six finish.

It Was the Worst of Halves, It Was the Best of Halves

Has there been any game this season where West Ham have played well in both halves? Nothing springs to mind, although perhaps a case could be made for Ipswich at home and Newcastle and Arsenal away. Otherwise, the standard operating model has been the slow, unadventurous, low energy start that only perks up after a slew of half-time substitutions. Intriguingly, this has remained a consistent aspect of performances despite the transition of the coach’s baton from Lopetegui to Potter. Why would that be? Poor preparation, poor team selection, poor attitude by the players or a lack of leadership and belief on the pitch? Coming from a tradition where Moyes treated substitutes as a new-fangled development he didn’t really agree with, we now appear to lead the field in half-time changes. A total of 24 replacements made at the break in 14 different games.

A coach or manager calling for greater intensity is really just pointing the finger at himself. It can be excused in a one-off game but certainly not when it happens every week. As anyone with a pair of eyes could see, the whole performance and atmosphere changed on the introduction of Niclas Fullkrug. I hope Potter made a mental note that having a proper spearhead in attack made all the difference in the world. After all, he was probably the only person in the stadium who didn’t think he should have started with one at outset. And great to see West Ham score with two great throwback bullet headers evoking the spirit of Hurst and Peters.

Do You Want Rice with That?

When Declan Rice was sold to Arsenal (and rescuing West Ham’s otherwise dodgy PSR position), the response was to sign a single defensive midfielder as replacement. But Rice offered far more than that. His ability to break/ surge/ carry the ball forward from deep at pace was an invaluable transition option. It was a capability that no member of the current squad possesses and the gap has never been filled – none of Alvarez, Soler, Soucek, JWP, Rodriguez, or Irvine come close, either technically or in speed of movement. So, while the club might give themselves a round of applause for recognising the need for a centre forward, this is an equally pressing deficiency. No amount of tippy tappy, backwards and sideways passing (no matter how high the pass completion rate) is going to bother a well drilled defence who have been given plenty of time to get back into shape. The alternative is to go long (high chance of failure) or move the ball through the lines quickly. A player capable of successful carries not only causes defences to panic but also creates space for others to exploit. Joao Gomes demonstrated this perfectly in our recent game at Wolves. It must be a top recruitment priority in the summer.

The Defence Rests

It is fair to say that the statistics back up Potter’s claim that he has been successful in tightening up the West Ham defence. Goals conceded have reduced from an average of 1.95 per game under Lopetegui to 1.18 under Potter. But it has been achieved by piling more numbers into defence and dropping deeper in the style of a David Moyes tribute act. It is not a tactical or coaching masterstroke. It may be no coincidence that we were back to conceding twice upon the reintroduction of a back four. Unfortunately, there are serious questions at the heart of the defence. Jean Clair Todibo (if he stays) does have the qualities to be a top-class defender but has struggled to string a run of games together due to one fitness issue or another. A warning sign or has he been handled badly? Max Kilman is a bigger worry for me. After a reasonably steady start to the season, his performances have gradually fallen away and looks well short of a player purchased at a cost of £40 million – and committed to a seven-year contract. He just seems to lack the necessary determination, aggression and assertiveness to perform as a Premier League centre back – in much the same way that Nayef Aguerd struggled with the physical aspects of the English game.

Who’s The Joker in the Orange

Years ago, there was a Two Ronnies Mastermind sketch where the specialist subject was ‘Answering the question before last.’ I can only think that referee Tim Robinson was applying a similar concept to his random acts of officiating. Little correlation was apparent between his decisions and the action that had jsut taken place. Not that he favoured one team or the other, although his major contribution to the game’s outcome was penalising (and booking) JWP for being in the vicinity when an opposing player fell over – with Bournemouth equalising from the resulting free-kick. You have to wonder where PGMOL find these guys; and at a time where they believe what the game really needs is even more refereeing judegement. At least Robinson is from West Sussex and not another member of the north-west England cluster. A look at his record shows him as one of the Premier League’s least used refs who rarely gets a look in at any of the rich club games. I wonder why?

Paquetagate: Latest Odds

From the trickle of information leaking from the Paqueta spot-fixing enquiry, it sounds like the FA are failing to present a compelling case that any offence has actually been committed. Just a handful of samba dancing Paqueta islanders betting on the high chance of yet another yellow card for their favourite son. Hopefully this is more than wishful thinking and the Brazilian will be free to either continue his erratic contributions at West Ham, or be sold on at a decent PSR boosting fee. If the case does fall apart, it could have serious implications for the denial of the £85 million transfer that never was, as well as the lucrative contract that would have inevitably come with it. It would be a severe embarrassment for the FA. And for the various talking heads who looked at slow motion replays of the yellow card incidents and concluded he was guilty as hell.

Sleepless in Sao Paulo

Many years ago, I remember tuning in to Radio 5 on the drive home from work to hear that West Ham had signed Eyal Berkovic. There had been no weeks of chatter and speculation beforehand. No mention of monitoring the situation, preparing bids, and holding talks. It was a good old-fashioned swoop in classic Harry Redknapp style.

Today there are no such stealthy manoeuvrings in the world of football transfers. I don’t know if it is true at all clubs, but details of West Ham’s recruitment plans are as leaky as last season’s defence. As if the media have a Where’s Tim app that can track his whereabouts at the touch of a button. And if media reports are to be believed, every transfer pursuit follows the three-act format of Romantic Comedy screen play – meet, lose, and get.

Tim (played by Hugh Grant) tracks down a beautiful potential signing, they get along famously, the player is excited about the London Stadium project and appearing in the Premier League, the club see him as a perfect fit for the progressive football model being built at West Ham. Then everything goes horribly wrong. The Chairman (Bill Nighy) can’t agree contract terms. Sporting Directors from other Premier League teams have been following matters on Newsnow and attempt to hijack the deal. Clubs from oil rich nations get involved (Four Beheadings and A Funeral) splashing piles of cash that would double his weekly salary. As the credits roll Tim makes a last gasp dash to the departure gate at Sao Paulo airport waving an improved offer from London in his hand.

Crime and Punishment

The Lucas Paqueta betting investigation rumbles on with the player’s representatives requesting an extension to the original June 3 deadline for responding to charges. No new date has yet to be agreed. The noises being made last week were that the FA would be pushing for a lifetime ban should Paqueta be found guilty.

Now, it could be a case of the claret and blue tinted spectacles kicking in, but a lifetime ban feels completely disproportionate to the severity of the offence. It’s a huge stretch to interpret being yellow carded as an attempt to fix the outcome of a match. The most ridiculous aspect here is that bookmakers allow bets to be placed on peripheral and easily influenced events like throw-ins, corners, and yellow cards in the first place. Just another case of their greed, I suppose. Happy to take your money as long as they hold all the cards, yellow or otherwise. The role of Betway in this affair should not be overlooked. Wouldn’t a quiet word have been more appropriate than a full-scale whistle-blowing that could result in one of their partners losing out on £85 million. The idea that a gambling firm was overcome with a sense of moral responsibility must be pure fantasy.

Then there is the FA, an organisation who have happily accepted Russian gangsters and murderous nation states as fit and proper football club owners, getting on their high horse over a prank by a bunch of Brazilian islanders. An independent regulator is looking more and more like a sound idea.

Speaking of authoritarian club owners, the Premier League are now being sued by Manchester City for discrimination because they have been prevented them from funnelling even more cash into the team that has just won their fourth consecutive title. City’s case also complaining bitterly about the ‘tyranny of the majority’ in Premier League decision making – or democracy as we call it.

We are programmed to dislike all the ‘big six’ clubs but City are now the most despised in my opinion. I would love to see them expelled from the league and stripped of all their titles when the hearing into the 155 breaches of rules is finally heard. But that is never going to happen!

Breaking News: Transfer Update

Only four days to go before the transfer window officially opens and the speculation keeps on rolling in. Speculation continues to be dominated by Brazilians with strong rumours that Luis Guilherme is about to become the first signing of the Lopetegui era. A worrying trend in recent days has seen Guilherme regularly described as a wonderkid. It is a term that has historically been applied to youngsters who eventually disappear without trace. A second stuborn rumour is that the Hammers will lso be signing Brazilian centre-back Vitao.

We should not forget the final exciting update of the transfer week as West Ham have seemingly fought off stiff competition to capture the signature of Wes Foderingham as third choice keeper.

A further 15 names have been added to the speculative target list this week as shown below. The full list of 52 linked players can be viewed here. Even if most are made up, they are a better class of speculation than we were used to under the Scottish Manager (it is bad luck to mention him by name). No more Maguires, McTominays or Brownhills on the list – although Tammy Abraham remains a worry.

There is Nothing Like a Dane

Apropos of nothing, I was looking through the annals of Scandinavians who have turned out in a West Ham shirt. Given the love of their gods for hammers, it is a very short list. There are currently 14 Danes, 8 Swedes, 5 Norwegians, and 1 Finn playing in the Premier League. But none at the London Stadium.

It has not been a fertile area of recruitment at the club with the most successful in terms of both appearances and goals being Marc Rieper. I was very sorry to see him go when he left for Cletic.

Here is the full list: Rieper (101 apps, 5 goals), Jaaskelainen (61, 0), Ljungberg (28, 2), Jacobsen (26, 0), Nordtveit (21, 0), Carew (21, 2), Tihinen (10, 0), Soma (9, 0), Alexanderson (8, 0), Samuelson (2, 0).