Report – Page 16 – Under The Hammers

England 3 Scotland 0

Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?

In the mid-1960’s there was a comedy programme on TV about two young football-mad Geordies. It was called the Likely Lads and was one of my favourites at the time. It starred a young James Bolan and Rodney Bewes. It was written by Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais, who wrote other successful comedy series such as Porridge and Auf Wiedersehen Pet.

It was set in Newcastle and the two working class friends, Bob and Terry, had different outlooks on life. Bob (Rodney Bewes) aspired to be one of the middle classes, whilst Terry constantly accused him of being a traitor to his class. This “class warfare” was the basis of much of the humour in the sitcom, and was a common theme in comedy programmes of the 1960’s and 1970’s. There was a very famous sketch in the Frost Programme in 1966 which featured John Cleese, Ronnie Barker, and Ronnie Corbett, representing the upper class, middle class, and working class respectively. The beauty of the routine was enhanced by the heights of the actors who were very tall, medium height, and short. For me it was one of the all-time brilliant comedy sketches.

A few years after the Likely Lads finished it was reprised in 1973 with two further series entitled Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads. My favourite episode was first aired on 20 February 1973. I remember the date very well for reasons I won’t expand fully upon, but West Ham had just beaten WBA 2-1 on the previous Saturday afternoon, with a 98^th minute goal scored by Pop Robson, which was just desserts as West Brom had produced one of the most negative, time-wasting performances I have ever seen from a team. A scrapbook I kept at the time included a Sunday Telegraph report of the game where David Miller wrote “this wretched display by West Bromwich – hacking, arguing, and niggling throughout – will leave few of those present shedding tears at their imminent disappearance into the Second Division.” Another cutting in my scrapbook, this time by Sam Bartram in the Sunday People, includes the words, “Referee Kerkhof’s rumbling of the Albion time-wasting tactics was one of the few things that he did right all afternoon.”

The following Saturday, along with my fellow writer, Geoff Hopkins, we visited the Victoria Ground in Stoke, where we lost 2-0. My main recollection of that day was the long trip home, finally arriving at 4am before getting up to play Sunday morning football the following day.

Sorry, I digress. My favourite “Likely Lads” episode was called No Hiding Place. It consisted of Bob and Terry’s attempts at avoiding the score of an England international game being played in Bulgaria one afternoon, as they wanted to watch the highlights of the game at 10.20 that evening without knowing the score. In those days of course, there were fewer resources for finding out the outcome of games, but they still had to avoid TV news, radio reports, and evening newspaper coverage. The situation was exacerbated as they had a £5 bet each with another character in the programme that they could avoid finding out what happened before settling down to watch the game at night. This other person, Flint, played by Brian Glover, was intent on tracking them down; the comedy unfolded as they went to extraordinary lengths to avoid knowing what happened. The irony in the end was that the game had been postponed due to a waterlogged pitch.

I was reminded of the episode when trawling through the TV channels a couple of weeks ago and came upon it on one of those stations that constantly broadcasts old comedies. It brought back memories and I set myself a challenge to mirror the programme by avoiding the England v Scotland live game on Friday evening, and watching the highlights without knowing the final outcome.

I went to the cinema when the game was on, but I had to make sure I didn’t turn my phone on for the whole evening, and also drove with the radio turned off. I also had to be certain that when I got home I avoided the news on TV which followed the game, as they always like to tell you what happened (look away now if you don’t want to know – and then they give you about half a second to find the remote control!).

In my younger days I loved to watch international football. Perhaps it was because there were usually West Ham players involved? These days I am not too bothered, except perhaps for tournaments, but I have many memories of the England v Scotland encounters of the past, and I was keener to see this than usual. However, I was not that keen that I wanted to watch the whole game!

As it happened I succeeded in my personal challenge and settled down to watch the match without knowing the outcome. ITV condensed the highlights into about 20 minutes of football, and then a much longer discussion about the game. In what I saw England looked good going forward; they scored three headed goals with clinical finishes, but looked woeful defensively. Against better sides they might have conceded a few goals. Scotland, too, looked quite good going forward, but their finishing left a lot to be desired to say the least!

On the whole it was a good evening. An enjoyable film followed by brief highlights of the game which had the right result. I was glad I didn’t stay at home to watch the whole match. I did wonder to myself how hard it would have been these days, to avoid knowing the outcome of a game for around ten hours, as in the Likely Lads.

And whatever did happen to the Likely Lads? James Bolan has been a successful TV actor throughout his life, most recently in several series of New Tricks. Those readers with young children or grandchildren will know him as Grandpa, in Grandpa in My Pocket. Rodney Bewes has appeared on TV, the stage, and films, but not much recently that I can recall. Reputedly, the two actors have not spoken to each other since falling out in the 1970s.

West Ham 1 Stoke 1

Trading Places. Would a different perspective bring new insights to Slaven Bilic.

Pedro Obiang I wonder if Slaven Bilic would like to swap places with me. No I don’t mean that he becomes a writer and I become West Ham’s new football manager. I don’t think that either of us is cut out or suitably trained for the other one’s role. I was just wondering if he would like to swap his touchline view of the game with my seat in the upper tier of the East Stand. I don’t really want to swap, but for just one game I would like to watch the match from his vantage point on the touchline. I’d like to be able to see what he sees when he watches the game from there, because it seems to me that he watches a different game to me, judging by the decisions he makes regarding the team and tactics to be employed for each match. I’m not sure, but I think he would benefit from a different view too.

Last December at Upton Park the match against Stoke ended goalless, but of all the 0-0 games I had ever seen it was one of the best. This time we drew with them again with a goal apiece. But what did I think of the game? Well, it is 100 minutes of my life that I won’t get back. I like to go to football to see us win, but what’s more I like a bit of entertainment. This is my 59^th season of watching us play. I’ve seen very few less interesting games than this.

I don’t have great memories of watching us play Stoke in the past. And this game has been added to the list. Entirely forgettable. At least my journey to and from the game was trouble-free. I haven’t always been able to say that. Past trips this season have included a suicide by someone at Mile End station, another unfortunate individual having a heart attack at Leytonstone, and the evacuation of Stratford station, leading to long delays, and a very long walk to Leytonstone station.

The board held up after 45 minutes suggested that we were going to be “entertained” with one further minute. I looked at my watch to check the time, and looked again more than five minutes later when Mr. Marriner eventually brought the first half to an end. I’m afraid I thought Mr. Marriner had as poor a game as most of the West Ham team. To me, he just didn’t seem to understand the game. This was highlighted by the award of a free kick to us which broke up one of our rare promising attacks a few seconds after a Stoke player had been flagged for offside.

What else can I remember about the game? I can recall a header from Ogbonna, which brought a reaction save out of Grant in the Stoke goal, Payet’s free kick which went just over the bar, and Antonio’s headed goal which apparently would have gone wide if the Stoke defender hadn’t deflected it in. I couldn’t see the deflection from my seat. Perhaps Mr. Bilic had a better view on the touchline. Pedro Obiang, was once again my West Ham man of the match.

Stoke were more organised than we were, and had a definite plan. Bony looked dangerous early on, and created chances which, with better touch and finishing may have led to goals. Our attack had no idea how to penetrate their well organised defence. To me this was epitomised by the excellent full back play of Pieters, who stayed close to Antonio and frustrated the life out of him. But all credit to Antonio for keeping going and once more getting his head on the end of a Payet cross for our goal. Payet, like Noble, just as they both did at the game at Everton last week, were guilty of frequently giving the ball away, either by bad passes, over-elaboration, or getting caught on the ball, leading to swift Stoke counter attacks.

I don’t recall any of our attacking play that could be described as swift. It was ponderous, retention of the ball, perhaps looking to improve our passing statistics at the expense of meaningful football, going sideways and backwards, and occasionally a lump forward to nobody. You could see the building frustration of Ayew who came deeper and deeper to try to get some action with the ball. Lanzini’s touch was a little off, but at least he was trying to inject a bit of pace into the proceedings, realising the need for more urgency and movement off the ball.

I was shocked to see the double substitution on the hour. Don’t get me wrong I was delighted to see both Fernandes and Fletcher come on, two very important players for our future, but not at the expense of Lanzini and Ayew. I would have liked to see both Noble and Payet substituted, but captain and talisman both seem untouchable when it comes to making substitutions. They did however, combine together to create the goal, so perhaps the Bilic view was better than mine.

I like the look of Fletcher, and with some more game time and experience I believe he will prove to be a better striker than both Carroll and Zaza. I can’t see much of a long term future for these two at the club, and I wonder about Payet who seems to be increasingly disinterested. We are all entitled to bad games but his heart just doesn’t seem in it. I can’t recall a single occasion of the crowd singing “We’ve got Payet ….” which has always happened several times every game for more than a season now.

And as for Adrian, what was he thinking? It would have been a penalty if they hadn’t scored anyway. I’d like to see Randolph given his opportunity now. It wasn’t just the goal he conceded, his performances have been below par all season, with the occasional superb reflex save.

But that’s just my view. Obviously Slaven Bilic sees the game very differently from his view on the touchline.

5 Things We Learned From The Limp Draw With Stoke

Sorting through the debris of a dire draw with Stoke at the London Stadium.

A Very Poor Spectacle Indeed

No doubt about it this was one of the poorest games of Premier League that I have seen all the way through for a long time. I would imagine that any neutral observer would have walked away/ switched off at some point before half time. Very little action and incident with just two saves of any note during the whole 90 minutes; one at each end. Any football that was played was played by the visitors and it was fortunate that they appeared to come with very low expectations in the absence of Amautovic and Shaqiri. West Ham didn’t deserve to win and they barely deserved a draw.

A Rigid Style with No Obvious Pattern

We tried 3 at the back, it worked in a couple of matches and now we appear to be sticking with it rigidly regardless of opposition and circumstances; repeat until accidentally stumbling upon a new formation. From the kick-off a typical piece of Noble-Collins shuffling backwards and sideways before a hopeful punt up-field set the tone for what was to come. The 3 centre-backs playing it to each with no urgency or sense of what to do next allowing a well discipline Stoke side plenty of time to close down any space. It was impossible to work out what the game plan was meant to be and even more puzzling why it took so long to do anything about it when it was clear that the original plan (whatever that was) wasn’t working.

Slow and Sluggish Doesn’t Win Anything

In those games where we have looked a better team we have approached the game with intensity and pace. This doesn’t seem too difficult to comprehend to me and so would expect match preparation to focus on achieving those objectives. How can a team collectively turn up for their 90 minute working week with such little energy and spirit. Where is the leadership? It really didn’t look like the players knew what they were supposed to be doing which, I guess, may go back to the lack of a plan. We had Cresswell pushed way up, Antonio dropping too deep and Ayew (our lone striker) coming back to retrieve the ball in his own half. We might hope for a moment of magic from Payet to come to the rescue, as he did so often last year (and he looked well off the pace), but he still needs others to create space to work in. The lack of movement in front of him did him no favours. Stoke were given every opportunity to fill any space that became available while we were much more generous with it for their attacks.

Those Strange Substitutions Again

The BBC reported that inspired substitutions changed the game. Hardly! The substitutions, like the curate’s egg, were good in parts with the right players came on but the wrong players went off. There appears to be a predetermined plan that no matter how well or poorly anyone is playing that Lanzini and Obiang are the players taken off. Maybe because the technical area is such a long way from the dugout it is easier to decide these things beforehand. I don’t know! Not for the first time this season Pedro was our best player and, even if Lanzini delivered no end product, at least he was willing to run with the ball with an attempt at purpose. But no, off they both go! As far as the men coming on were concerned Fernandes didn’t really get into the game but Ashley Fletcher made a good account of himself and looks much more like a footballer than Zaza does. Plus there was a little cameo from Feghouli that included probably his first successful cross of the season.

Where Do We Go From Here?

If the alarm has not yet reached the full light flashing, klaxon blaring, buzzer sounding intensity that you see in the movies there has to be some very serious warnings being issued. As things stand we don’t look like we can play our way out of trouble and I doubt we are equipped for a relegation dogfight. Of course there is still time and there are hopefully enough poorer teams to keep our head above water but this is not a team on the up. We have seen no consistent signs that the foundations of a solid and organised team are in place. We still struggle to break down teams we should (and need) to beat and the freak results against the top teams will not be repeated so readily. After his monumental gaffe for the equaliser it is time for Adrian to take a break from first team duty while Mr Marriner has forced decision to leave Mark Noble out of the next starting eleven. Noble looks increasingly lost and pedestrian to me; I have long admired his commitment but that is no longer enough on its own. Perhaps we will have other striking options by the time of the Tottenham game but I am not going to be holding my breath. And please let’s not stick slavishly to 3 at the back and learn to use it when it is appropriate to the match and opposition in hand. My approval rating for the management team is currently at all-time low. Not a time to panic but a demonstration that all is under control would be welcome.

Everton 2:0 West Ham

Twenty questions following West Ham’s disappointing defeat to Everton at Goodison Park.

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Why do Sky Sports, in their coverage of Premier League games, only believe that one team is playing in the match? The pre-match time was devoted almost exclusively to talking about Everton. An interview with Gareth Barry, analysis of Ross Barkley, talk of Lukaku’s goalscoring, and an interview with the Everton manager, Koeman filled all the lead up to the game. West Ham were playing too! Why were we completely ignored?
Why are we unable to convert superiority into goals? For the first half of the first half we totally controlled the game, but somehow you knew that the failure to score in this period would come back to bite us.
Do the West Ham players practice shooting? And if they do, why are they unable to make a better fist of it when playing the game? Obiang, Lanzini, Payet, Antonio and Ayew all found themselves with excellent opportunities to score, but failed to hit the target, or produced shots that never even remotely tested the Everton keeper. I’ve seen better finishing in Sunday morning football.
Why does Ogbonna continue to demonstrate the Italian defender skills of holding opponents when they have corner kicks? If the incompetent officials acted on their early season promise to crack down on this, then he would have given away several penalties by now. His grappling of opponents’ shirts is so blatant I cannot understand why the officials fail to see it. He’s got away with it so far, but ….
And on the subject of officials, especially referees, why are they so incompetent? There were shocking examples of the referee and his assistants failing to see obvious things. A blatant corner that we should have been awarded, the wall for Payet’s first free kick counted out by the referee at just about six or seven paces from the ball, and Lukaku being offside in the build up to Everton’s second goal (you could see he was offside purely by looking at the way the grass was cut across the pitch – and it was later confirmed when replayed), were just three of many examples. And to show that this report is not completely biased, how could the referee not give Everton a penalty in the 93^rd minute? The foul by Ogbonna was so such a stone-wall penalty I just cannot see how the referee failed to award a spot kick. Why do the authorities not see the need for video replays?
Why did we fade so badly in the second half of the game? We created at least half a dozen good chances in the first half, with Payet and Lanzini prominent in the moves, but those two players, and the team as a whole, were just a shadow of themselves in the second period.
Why do players get booked for fairly innocuous hand ball when so many bad tackles and flailing arms go unpunished? Reid’s completely unnecessary handball means that he misses our next game at home to Stoke.
Will Bilic finally give Oxford the opportunity to demonstrate his obvious potential as a replacement for Reid in the Stoke game? I doubt it, as almost certainly Collins will come into the team.
Why does Adrian when making saves not push the ball away for a corner but keep it in play? This was a bad error which contributed hugely to Lukaku’s goal. He did the same against Crystal Palace last season.
Why was Reid’s clearance so poor just before the first Everton goal? And why was he so slow to react when Adrian parried the ball?
Why do we always have to let Lukaku score his customary goal against us?
Why was the impressive Fernandes taken off to be replaced by the totally ineffectual Zaza?
Why was Zaza brought to the club?
Why does Payet have to take every free kick in shooting range? There was a free kick awarded in a position ideal for a left footer, and it may be appropriate to let Cresswell have a go sometimes. I realise that Payet has been very successful when taking free kicks, but why every single one?
Why did we give the ball away so cheaply on so many occasions? Noble and Payet were particularly guilty in this respect, setting up dangerous Everton counter attacks.
Why does Kouyate only appear to be a shadow of the player we have seen previously?
Why have we now failed to keep a clean sheet against Everton in 17 consecutive Premier League games?
Why have we allowed Everton to have a better record against us than against any other teams they have ever played in the Premier League?
Why have we already lost four away league games this season, before the end of October? We only lost five in the whole of last season.
Will we ever learn? On the evidence of today, it doesn’t appear so!

5 Things We Learned From Saturday

Other than a chicken kebab here are the takeaways from Saturday’s West Ham game.

Taking Points over Performance.

After a faltering start to the season there is obvious satisfaction in getting two consecutive wins under the belt. In the opening quarter of the match we looked to have carried through the momentum from the previous week and played with rare freedom and confidence. Once Sunderland had weathered the storm, however, the game became more even and the tempo of our game fell away. Not for the first time this season we started well and then fizzled out and it is worrying if we cannot get a sustained 90 minute performance out of the players. Ultimately we took the three points and in the circumstances, as with any club floundering in the lower reaches of the table, we must prioritise points over performance for the time being. That is not going to keep the London Stadium filled in the longer term though.

A Late, Late Winner

It is not too often that West Ham grab a late winner deep into added time. Sunderland had settled for the respected point by then and it is to our credit that we get plugging away despite an overall disappointing second half. I have to admit that I didn’t see the goal coming as the short corner was taken and it was unexpected to see that Winston Reid had taken up a position on the edge of the box. Still a nice piece of skill from the Kiwi and a decent shot past an unsighted keeper. Possibly a suspicion of offside but not conclusive except to Mr Dour, the Sunderland manager.

No Penalty. Mr Madely?

There were penalties awarded in the Premier League yesterday. Prior to this week’s matches there had been 31 given in 80 matches. Yesterday’s referee, Robert ‘Bobby’ Madely, who last season had deemed that Loftus-Cheek tripping over his own feet outside the area was worthy of a spot kick seemed not to be aware of the new interpretations on grappling and holding as first Ogbonna and then Reid were both grabbed by Sunderland defenders. In the light of penalties that have been awarded elsewhere this season this again showed shocking inconsistency.

Swiss in a New Role

Slav had decided to stick with three at the back after the success at Crystal Palace and it was a surprise to see Edmilson Fernandes fill the gap left by the criminally suspended Aaron Cresswell. The formation suits the currently available players and so it is likley to the how West Ham set up for the foreseeable future; probably until it goes badly wrong. I do like what I have seen of young Fernandes despite not playing in his normal position. He looks very assured and comfortable on the ball as well as being full of energy. When Cresswell returns it would be disappointing to see him dropped to the bench and he would get my vote over Mark Noble in midfield on current showing.

No Striker, No Goals

It is now 9 games gone and a striker has yet to score a goal for West Ham; a sorry state of affairs that will continue to hold us back. Surely it is obvious to anyone who has been watching that there is no way that Simone Zaza looks cut out for the Premier League. This is not a player off form or simply low on confidence but one whose talents, whatever they may have been it Italy, do not translate into the English game. It is a waste of everyone’s time to keep playing him. We have seen enough to know that he is not a £20+ million striker. With continuing doubts over the fitness of Carrol and Sakho our hopes rest with the return Andre Ayew but in the meantime we may as well give Ashley Fletcher more game time; what use is the occasional 5 or 10 minutes? Sorry Simone here is your air ticket back to Turin.

Victory At Palace

Well Deserved Win Takes Us Out Of the Relegation Zone

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It is only one win, so I am not going to get too carried away. But how refreshing it was to see a West Ham side start a game on the front foot. For the first half of the first half we totally ran the game playing with high intensity, slick passing, moving the ball quickly, players finding space to receive it, and attacking at greater pace than we have seen previously this season.

The goal when it came was well deserved, with great passing between the impressive Payet, and the equally impressive Cresswell. The way Lanzini opened his body out to place the ball into the corner of the net showed great technique. And then with seconds remaining of the first half we conceded a penalty (so West Ham!). It was probably a just decision but it would have been so unfair on the balance of play to have gone in at half time with the scores level. The fact that we didn’t was due to Bentecke, who continued what he started for Liverpool in the cup against us last season, by missing chances. It is criminal to miss the target when you are taking a penalty, but he was perhaps influenced by the way Lanzini had opened his body up to score our goal. It seemed that he tried to do the same, but blazed high and wide.

I suppose being a West Ham fan I am used to great penalty takers. In my time I remember watching John Bond, Johnny Byrne, Geoff Hurst, Ray Stewart, Julian Dicks, Paolo Di Canio and Mark Noble take most of the penalties I remember us being awarded, and despite the occasional miss (none of them had 100% records), usually as a result of an excellent save (e.g. Gordon Banks), I can rarely recall one of them missing the target.

In the second half, we controlled the game well, contained the pacy Palace attack, and were looking good value for a win when Cresswell was fouled by Cabaye in the penalty area. As I leapt from my seat expecting the award of a penalty, I was appalled to see Martin Atkinson book Cresswell for simulation. A shocking decision. Less than a minute later, Cresswell barely touched Zaha close to the touchline as they both ran for the ball, the linesman signalled a foul, and Atkinson sent Cresswell off. That minute was as inept a display of poor refereeing as you could ever wish to see. I don’t think he really understands the game.

I was angry. It was so wrong. For the second game running against Palace we had a player sent off. Remember Kouyate was dismissed in April, but that red card was rescinded. I took to Twitter to read some reactions believing that it just couldn’t be my interpretation surely! And sure enough 100% of the reactions thought that the referee had got it so wrong. Now the West Ham fans you could understand to an extent, but every unbiased ex-player reaction, and even Howard Webb, who nearly always backs up the officials, read it the same as me. I didn’t see one person who thought it was the correct decision.

But unlike Kouyate last season, because this was a sending off via two yellow cards, the rules of appeal do not apply, however unjust the decision. The nonsense of this is, although we hung on to three points by not conceding a goal, Cresswell is banned for the next match. The West Ham fans who tweeted that it would definitely be rescinded were unfortunately as ignorant of the appeals process, as the officials were of what constitutes a penalty, what constitutes a foul, and their understanding of the game of football and how to officiate it.

Bilic had decided on a changed formation for this game and it worked a treat. Full marks to Adrian for the marvellous reaction save in stoppage time. Kouyate, Ogbonna, and man-of-the-match Reid were the three at the back who stood firm, Cresswell and Antonio both had excellent games as wing-backs, Obiang was very impressive once again (he must be retained in this role), Payet and Lanzini looked much sharper than of late, Noble was OK, and Zaza put in a shift (to coin a phrase).

Let us hope that the confidence gained from this win enables us to continue to improve, and move up the table sooner rather than later.

Seven games played, four points!

A review of the season to date as we go into the second international break of the season.

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The first four home games of the season have been played. Bournemouth, Watford, Southampton, and finally Middlesbrough. Three games away at Chelsea, Manchester City and WBA. Before the season began, when we looked at the seven games that the fixtures computer gave us in the run-up to the second international break, how many points were we hoping for at this stage? If we were going to be making a realistic challenge towards the top, as we did last year, then I would have said a minimum of 11, and possibly anything up to 15, based on those games.

So our return of 4 is way below expectations, puts us into the relegation places, and leaves us with a fight to climb the table from this point. Our only realistic aim in the league this season is to obtain a comfortable mid-table position. Even at this early stage it would be unrealistic to even contemplate the possibility of a finishing position similar to that attained last year. Last season we had 20 points after 11 games, so we can measure ourselves against that position after the four games that come up following the resumption after this international break.

Those four games are away at Palace, who currently sit eighth in the table, and Everton who are fifth, both of whom have had good starts to the season. With our current form we wouldn’t expect to get anything out of those two games, but we really need to start to win away from home. Last season we won both of those away games, scoring three goals in each, and we must really be hoping for a repeat, however unlikely it seems at the moment.

Our run of “relatively easy” home games, you know the ones that look easier on paper, continues with the visits of Sunderland and Stoke who occupy the bottom two places in the table after seven games, with neither having managed a win yet. Of course these are games where we often don’t perform as well as we should, and in the comparative fixtures last season we only scored one goal (in the 1-0 victory over Sunderland, the Stoke game being an entertaining 0-0 draw).

So who knows what this year will bring? To bring us up to the level of averaging a point a game (which is something we need to do as soon as possible) then we would need 7 points from the four games between this break and the next, and this is the minimum that we must hope for. Because even if we have 11 points after 11 games, our next four fixtures are away games at Tottenham, Manchester United and Liverpool, and a home game against Arsenal, four of the teams currently occupying the top six places in the league.

We then return to four of the easier games on paper against teams currently in the bottom half, with home matches against Burnley and Hull, and visits to Swansea and Leicester. At that point we will be exactly half way through the season, having played 19 games, including every other team once, by 31 December. We really need to have at least 19 points by then, giving us an average of a point a game. Even with this tally we would still be in a lowly position, so let’s hope we are above that level.

Last season only the three clubs who were relegated didn’t achieve a point a game. Newcastle, who finished third from bottom had 37 points and were relegated, Sunderland just escaped with 39 points. Even a point a game is no guarantee against going down, so we must really start to improve very quickly if we don’t want to be in that position.

The Middlesbrough game was an improvement defensively, although in a creative attacking sense there is a lot more needed. Let us hope with the return to fitness of more players, and a nearly full squad to choose from, that we can start to climb the table sooner rather than later. Once teams become embroiled in the relegation dogfight, then psychologically it becomes more difficult as fear of losing inhibits performances.

On paper, when you look at our squad of players, then most people would say we are too good to go down. But that’s what they said in 2002-03. In the 2001-02 season we finished seventh, and hopes were high for the following season. But we finished third from bottom and were relegated.

Last season we also finished seventh, and hopes were high for a repeat performance this time. Let’s hope we don’t get an exact repeat of what happened following our seventh place finish in 2003!

West Ham 1 v 1 Middlesbrough Part 2

Continuing the review of the Middlesbrough game, and the season to date, as we go into the second international break of the season.

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Part Two – Pedro Obiang

From the very first time I saw Pedro Obiang pull on a claret and blue shirt last season I thought that he was just the sort of player we needed to play in front of our back four. I have always liked the all-action mobile player in that position, doing the job that Makelele used to for Chelsea, that Kante did for Leicester’s title winning team last season, and to an extent like Scott Parker did for us a few seasons back.

Every time I watched him last season I thought he did a good job, but he had few opportunities, starting around a dozen games, and coming on as a substitute even more times to try to help to close out a game that we were winning, such as the 2-1 victory over Chelsea. It must have seemed strange to him as he appeared from the bench in one season more times than he did thoroughout his time at Sampdoria.

I thought he was particularly impressive in the early season victories away at Liverpool and Manchester City, both FA Cup games against Liverpool, and especially in the home victory over Tottenham which was the beginning of the end of their title hopes. Oxford, playing in a similar role in the opening game of last season at the Emirates was equally effective.

However, the manager’s views appear to differ from my own, as evidenced by the restricted opportunities given to Obiang and Oxford in that role. This season he has started with Nordtveit filling that position, which, on the evidence to date, surprises me.

Anybody who has read my writing will know that I have championed the inclusion of Obiang in the side, and so I was pleased to see him selected to start against Middlesbrough. And I thought he was our man of the match notwithstanding Payet’s wonder goal.

What is there not to like about Pedro Obiang? He is massively reliable, consistent, composed, and provides a shield in front of the defence that has not been seen this season. He is quick, athletic, strong in the tackle, has good distribution, and for me he should be one of the first names on the team sheet.

I have written before about my reservations for statistics in football, but despite this I felt compelled to look up Pedro’s numbers for Saturday’s game to confirm my thoughts of his effectiveness. His figures for successful tackling, interceptions, clearances, and blocks made him the best West Ham player from a defensive viewpoint. In possession he made more passes than any one of our team, with greater accuracy than most. A touch map on the West Ham website that I saw shows his all-over- the-pitch, and all-round contribution in an outstanding performance both statistically, and to the naked eye.

Surely he did enough to show the manager that we need a player in this role, and that he should be first choice to fill the position. Statistically, too, our results have been better when he has been included in the team, compared to when he hasn’t been on the pitch. I may be wrong but I think that we have only lost one league match in the past twelve months when Pedro Obiang has been involved (either starting or as a substitute), and he only featured for part of that game (the 2-1 away defeat at Newcastle in February). You’ll find that the games we did lose he wasn’t involved. A co-incidence?

Trust the stats Slav! We want to see more of Pedro Obiang.

West Ham 1 v 1 Middlesbrough

A review of the Middlesbrough game, and the season to date, as we go into the second international break of the season

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Part One – I Was There

What makes a great goal? Goals can be scored in a variety of ways. A spectacular volley, a long range screamer, a team goal scored as a culmination of a number of passes, a mazy dribble where a player goes past a number of defenders before slotting the ball home, a deflection, an element of luck, a tap in; these are just some of the ways that a goal can be scored. A goal can seem greater if it is scored in an important match, or if it is a critical goal in a close match, as opposed to say one of the goals scored in a one-sided game.

And, after Saturday I will add a further enhancement. To actually be there when the goal is scored rather than just seeing it on TV adds to the greatness of the goal for the person viewing it. But however it is scored doesn’t really matter because at the end of the day, every one counts as a goal; you don’t get anything extra based on the degree of difficulty.

When I wrote my book, Goodbye Upton Park, Hello Stratford, at the end of last season, I devoted a chapter to describing the great West Ham goals that I could recall. My favourite one of all time was scored by Martin Peters v Leicester in November 1968. I stood on the North Bank behind the goal that it went in. It was a length of the field move from the goalkeeper, and culminated in a spectacular volley.

I also loved a goal I witnessed on Boxing Day 2001. We had a corner at the North Bank end taken by Sebastian Schemmel. He played the ball in the air to Joe Cole standing near the corner of the penalty area on the same side that the corner was taken. With two touches and masterful ball control, without the ball touching the ground, Joe volleyed the ball to the opposite side about ten yards from goal just beyond the six yard box. Trevor Sinclair took off and with an acrobatic scissor kick blasted the ball into the corner of the net.

Trevor scored many spectacular goals. He scored the goal of the season (and possibly the most spectacular of all time) for QPR v Barnsley before he joined us. And he scored many for us as well, including a magnificent volley against Charlton on Boxing Day again, in the year 2000.

On Saturday Dimitri Payet added to the list of great goals I have witnessed when, starting close to the touchline, he dribbled around five Middlesbrough defenders, and calmly put the ball in the net. It wasn’t just the incredible skill involved though; to some extent it was the importance of the goal. Coming on the back of four straight defeats we really needed to win this game. And although we didn’t do so, at least we stopped the rot and picked up a point against one of the teams in the lower reaches of the table.

The atmosphere in the stadium was tremendous throughout the game, and I suspect that the decibel level reached when we saw the ball nestled in the net was as high as anything I have ever experienced at a football match. I actually lost my voice on Saturday evening. But a goal is a goal. It just counts as one goal.

Around five minutes earlier, Middlesbrough had a corner which was headed straight in. To concede goals in this manner should not happen in my opinion, and if Mark Noble is meant to cover the post, then at least he should be in front of the line and not behind it. Goal line technology went against us here because I suspect that the referee and linesman, both of whom had poor games in my opinion, didn’t realise that the ball had crossed the line.

It is a goal that should not have happened but it did. I hate it when we concede a goal in this way. But it counts as one goal, just as Payet’s wonderful effort does. Those of us who were there will remember Payet’s goal for a long time, but I suspect we won’t remember the Middlesbrough one.

West Ham 1 v 0 Accrington Stanley

Between A Rock and A Hard Place.

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Before the game against Accrington Stanley, Slaven Bilic found himself caught between a rock and a hard place. He was in a predicament, a quandary, he was on the horns of a dilemma, between the devil and the deep blue sea. Whichever way you look at it he couldn’t really win. All managers in this position cannot win.

Should he select the best possible team to try to ensure a comfortable victory and boost the confidence of players that have lost four games in a row? Or should he give all the fringe players in the squad the opportunity to stake their claim for a place in the team? If we won the game easily then, well, that is what you should expect at home to a mid-table league two side. But, if the unthinkable should happen, and we went out of the competition that gives us the best possible chance of winning a trophy, then he would be slaughtered by the media, the fans, and possibly his employers, too. You have to remember too that he knew that before this game it would only take five wins for us to lift the EFL cup, and qualify for Europe for the third season in a row.

As it turned out he chose a team close to the second option with only Nordtveit, Ogbonna, Masuaku, and Zaza in the starting eleven of the team who started the last game at the Hawthorns. None of the retained four played well at the weekend, and Masuaku had one of the worst games in the history of West Ham defenders, and there have been some candidates for this honour over the years. If we’d had an alternative fit left back I’m sure he would have been included. I read one tongue-in-cheek article today suggesting that Dicks and Bilic should dig out their boots and play. What is perhaps surprising is that two renowned defenders from our past cannot seem to coach our present defenders.

Having chosen the fringe player option I particularly liked the pairing of Obiang and Edimilson, making his debut along with the experienced Arbeloa. The surprising omission from my point of view was that of Oxford. If ever there was an opportunity to give this brilliant prospect some game time then surely this was it. I hope that he doesn’t get too disillusioned with his lack of opportunities. You never know how much to believe in what you read in the media nowadays, but I would hate to see him leave us, as he must be one of the brightest up and coming talents in the game.

The joint-chairmen today issued a lengthy statement acknowledging some of the issues surrounding the stadium in respect of the three s’s, segregation, stewarding and standing, although the latter was cleverly referred to as “appropriate grouping of likeminded supporters”! This game was not the one to test if any improvement has been made in any of these areas. That will come when we get back towards a full stadium at the weekend. Only 39,877 were present to witness yet another dismal performance. Note the attendance ending in “77” yet again.

This report of the game hasn’t so far mentioned anything that happened. That is mainly because very little did actually happen! Shades of visiting minnows in cup competitions in the past came to mind. Why do we seem to find it so difficult to see off teams that we should be beating comfortably? After a totally lacklustre first half, anybody visiting from planet Mars, could not distinguish which team were Premier League and which were League Two.

Lanzini and Payet were introduced at the beginning of the second half to replace the ineffective Feghouli and Tore and the game livened up a little. Later in the half Antonio replaced Calleri, but despite getting well on top as the League Two side tired we were still unable to break them down. As extra time approached Masuaku left the field on a stretcher, and we were down to ten men. Six additional minutes were signalled by the fourth official, and a shot from Obiang brought a magnificent save from the keeper.

As extra time beckoned (which is what extra time does!)we were awarded a free kick in a central position 25 yards from goal and up stepped the imperious Dimitri Payet to score yet another trademark goal in the 96th minute to take us into Round 4. Accrington Stanley put up a brave performance and restricted us to just four shots on target.

But if you are going to be beaten then to lose to a moment of brilliance is perhaps the best way. It might have been a different story if we had to face extra time with just ten men, but Payet ensured that it didn’t happen.

The draw for Round Four took place shortly after the end of the game, and of the ten Premier League teams left in the competition, eight have been drawn to face each other with some mouth-watering ties. We are at home to Chelsea.

West Ham v Chelsea
Man Utd v Man City
Arsenal v Reading
Liverpool v Tottenham
Bristol City v Hull
Leeds v Norwich
Newcastle v Preston
Southampton v Sunderland