Opinion – Under The Hammers

Anatomy Of A Relegation: Why West Ham Are In Trouble And Is There Any Way Out?

As West Ham show late season signs of life is there any chance that the battle for survival can outrun the culture of neglect surrounding the London Stadium club.

I recently came across an online comment that it was “players who win games, not formations.” It’s an interesting opinion and not one that I agree with, but it does sit at the heart of West Ham’s battle to avoid relegation over the coming weeks.

Ultimately, the recipe for sustained success is a squad with depth in every position. There is no getting away from the strong correlation that exists between revenues, the money invested in players and success on the pitch. But it is not the full story. If it were, the role of the coach would be largely redundant, other than ensuring appropriate levels of fitness are maintained.

The core competence of the effective coach/ manager is to unlock the full potential of his squad through the tactical arrangement of players on the field. Attempting to achieve the optimum balance between defensive stability, midfield control and attacking strategies relative to the strengths and weaknesses of the players available. Tactics and formations must support those goals, but more importantly must be understood and achievable by those expected to exeute them. We must cut our coat according to our cloth.

While the club’s degenerating and chronic ill-heath has been years in the making – a poor diet of short-termism, cheap alternatives and superficial ostentation by an egotistical board – it is the disastrous managerial appointments in the wake of Moyes’ departure which would take prominence in the final autopsy report.

Lopetegui was puzzling. An apparently successful coach who was locked in a permanent state of confusion. No discernible style of play and a laboured tactical approach which was completely incompatible with the Premier League’s unswerving direction of travel towards pace, energy and athleticism.

If that wasn’t bad enough, what folowed with Potter was even worse. He was the perfect example of a man with a one size fits all plan who was determined to stick to it regardless of whether it would ever work again, or whether those involved were suited to playing it. No lessons had been taken on board from his calamitous spell at Chelsea. The operation had been a success even if the patient had died.

The we come to Nuno. At the end of the year, it had looked like a pattern repeating itself. A ten-game winless streak and countless points thrown away from winning positions had left the club teetering on the precipice. But then two things happened. Two strikers were signed in the transfer window and Paco Jemez was appointed as sNuno’s assistant. The resulting change of approach – whether by accident or design – suddenly produced a positive change of fortunes. Where only 14 points had been accumulated from the opening 21 matches, the last six have yielded an additional 11. A repeat of the great escape continues to be a long shot but at least it’s not impossible to imagine. All that’s needed is for multiple planets to align.

The challenge for Nuno is the weakness of the squad in depth and its reliance on key players for specific roles. We have already seen this following the injury to Pablo Felipe. Let’s be honest, Pablo is a wholehearted workhorse, not a thoroughbred, yet there is apparently no-one available to cover his absence. No-one to offer a physical presence, run around a lot, close down, and make a nuisance of themselves. Instead, it has required a re-shuffle. Abandoning the 4-4-2 that has underpinned recent improvements and reverting to the 4-2-3-1 which had proven so ineffective in the past. If an injury to Pablo can be this disruptive, what might happen in the long term absence of Bowen, Summerville or Fernandes? If there is a bright spot to the season, it is that we have been very lucky with injuries. Touch wood!

A midfield of Fernandes, Soucek, and Magassa (or Potts) simply doesn’t have the variety to worry opponents or unlock defences. Against Bournemouth, Fernandes had his least influential game for some time when playing the deepest of the three. While there was no-one from midfield to push forward regularly or get in the box to support attacks. With fewer threats to deal with, the visitor’s defence were able to double up on Bowen and limit his usual influence on the game.

Having said that, the Hammers created enough chances to win the game comfortably. This included an uncharacteristic four shots in the opening five minutes and a flurry of late attempts following the introduction of Callum Wilson. If only Wilson were five or six years younger!

I didn’t think the challenge on Bowen at the death was a penalty, even though Keith Hacket felt differently. Anyway, I’ve always been convinced VAR have started packing away that late in the day and will only get involved in their favourite pastime of disallowing goals. Refereeing decisions are increasingly a lucky dip that are impossible to second guess and too easily influenced by external factors. I’m looking forward to the time when AI (Artificial Inconsistency) can be introduced into the equation.

In a parallel universe, West Ham might well have won both their last two league games. What a difference an additional two to four points would make to the optics of the relegation fight. As it is, the Hammers remain marooned in 18^th place for the 12^th consecutive week. Saturday’s visit to Anfield is an unlikely springboard for escaping this current plight.

We can take a crumb of comfort from history where West Ham got out of a far worse position in the great escape season of 2006/7. The respective tables after 27 and 38 games are shown below. The Hammers earning 21 points from their final 11 games while Fulham took only seven points from their final 12. Had they not been presented with a get out of jail card by a very understrength Liverpool, they may well have been destined for the drop instead of our friends from Sheffield.

Few observers anticipate a repeat of such a feat this time around, but let’s not yet abandoned all hope. Richard’s analysis before the Bournemouth game estimated a 38-point finish for West Ham while this week’s Opta Supercomputer suggests the Hammers will be relegated with a meagre 36 points (see below). For perspective, the Opta Supercomputer managed to predict just three of last weekend’s ten Premier League games correctly. The computing equivalent of sticking a pin in.

If you are of a more optimistic nature, a repeat of the form from the last six matches would see West Ham surge to safety with 45 points. Wishful thinking, no doubt, but what else is there to look forward to. COYI!

West Ham Survive The Brewer’s Droop But Face Stiff Bees Test To Remain Up For The Cup

Despite a dire performance in the substandard FA Cup tie at Burton, the Hammers are through to the 5th Round to face Brentford. Before that it is back to league football and the desperate battle for survival.

In the world of modern football, the entry of Premier League and Championship clubs into the FA Cup has developed into a series of phoney rounds in this glorious old competition. For the fans, it promises dreams, excitement, and anticipation. An outside chance of snatching silverware just five matches away on the road to Wembley. For the media, there are potential banana skins and giant killing heroics that make for thrilling content as an antidote to the tactical morass of league football.

But in the dugouts and technical areas things are far more cynical. Where the romance of the cup is increasingly viewed as an unwelcome inconvenience – a contractual obligation distracting from the real business of titles, European qualification, promotions and relegations. The manager’s conundrum: how much can I get away with while still making it look like we’re taking it seriously?

And so, this was how it was as the Hammers headed up the M1 to Burton for their 4^th round tie against lowly League 1 opposition. Ten changes from the side who had faced Manchester United four days earlier including first starts for Adama Traore, Keiber Lamadrid and Mohammadou Kante. To test our patience even further, Nuno also reverted to his favoured cup formation of three centre-backs to cope with the anticipated threat from the mighty Brewers front line.

I’ve never been a fan of three at the back given it is generally adopted as a negative formation. To make it work requires high energy wing backs continually pushing up to provide attacking width; and wide forwards who are deployed narrower to create space on the wings and provide threat through the middle. None of that happened. And with two central midfielders seemingly instructed to sit deep it was a dire and disjointed effort. Perhaps no surprise from a team of relative strangers playing in a formation that didn’t suit them.

The entertainment was as far from a pulsating cup tie as could be imagined. Little of note happened for the entire 90 minutes of regulation time and it was only the introduction of Crysencio Summerville that lifted the game from its fitful slumber. The quality of his sixth goal in seven games totally out of character from the substandard game.

In line with current trends, the game’s major talking point revolved around the weak refereeing of Lewis Smith. The tackle by Freddie Potts was a clear foul and deserving of the yellow card originally selected by Smith. For the referee to change his mind, not due to advice from some guy in a bunker at Stockley Park, but due to the reaction of the Burton players was diabolical. Yet another irony of officiating whereby waving an imaginary card gets you a booking, but mobbing the referee gets the decision changed.

By the end, the Hammers were hanging on. But Nuno’s gamble or resting key players for the relegation battle had paid off. As with the previous round extra time had been required but we were into the hat for the 5^th round draw. We shouldn’t scoff at this. It is an above average achievement for the club who since their last FA Cup win in 1980 have been dumped out of the competition by this stage in 60% of seasons.

It was difficult to judge the performances of the young players in the circumstances. I have a general concerning our academy graduates in that they tend to be developed as tidy rather than exciting. Competent at receiving the ball, controlling it and making a simple pass, but lacking enough va va voom to make them special. Of those I’ve seen, Ezra Mayers looks to be the leading prospect.

Last night’s 5^th round draw turned up a home tie against bogey side Brentford. Games will be played on the weekend of March 7/8 after three more league games have taken place. Teams will be starting to take the cup more seriously by this stage, giving the managers plenty more to think about in what is shaping up to be an open tournament. West Ham will still be in survival chasing mode by then, while Brentford might well be eyeing Champion’s League qualification. It’s not the worst of draws but still a very difficult obstacle to overcome.

During the FA Cup hiatus, the Under The Hammers supercomputer, Deep Block, has been analysing the thousands of possible permutations and scenarios for the remaining league games. It concluded that the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and points needed to guarantee Premier League survival is 42. A target that would require West Ham to pick up 18 points from the upcoming 12 games. That’s a minimum of 5 wins and a handful of draws. Not impossible but still a huge change of fortune for a team that has won just 30 of their last 100 league games, while averaging 1.15 points per game. Repeating such form would take us only to 38 points which may well not be enough. Below is my own winnability ranking of the 12 games to go.

The uphill challenge begins on Saturday with the visit of Bournemouth to the London Stadium. It is one of the games I feel that must be won if safety is to be achieved. But Bournemouth are an enigma. Losing player after player but then finding they have another one hidden up their sleeve. This time a teenage Brazilian (Rayan) who has slotted seamlessly into English football with two goals and an assist in 198 minutes played.

The Hammer’s preparations have been hampered by a mysterious injury to new signing Pablo. The striker becoming the latest occupant of the Andy Carroll suite at West Ham’s Rush Green Infirmary. Pablo’s absence will require a change to the more adventurous formation that had kickstarted our recent revival. My instinct is that Nuno will use Jean-Clair Todibo’s return from suspension as the excuse for a reprise of the three at the back experiment as follows: Hermansen – Todibo, Disasi, Mavropanos – Wan-Bissaka, Fernandes, Soucek, Diouf – Bowen, Taty, Summerville.

COYI!

Nuno’s Game Management Weakness Costs West Ham Dear In Stamford Bridge Battle

The Hammer’s specialty of throwing away hard-earned points was to the fore on Saturday when Nuno needlessly pressed the defensive panic button in response to Chelsea pressure

Saturday’s game at Stamford Bridge managed to encapsulated the entire emotional range of supporting West Ham in recent seasons. A spectrum of hope, expectation, false dawns, frustrations, disbelief and anger.

A run of three straight wins had allowed the merest hint of optimism to seep into an otherwise hopeless situation. Things were still desperate but at least there was a sense that the players were prepared to give it a go. That if we went down, we would go down fighting.

In the build up to Saturday’s game, only the recklessly optimistic were predicting victory at Chelsea. Their glass half-full prophecies possibly the result of glasses being topped up too quickly and too frequently with intoxicating liquor. For the rest of us, a spirited performance capable of boosting morale and confidence for the winnable fixtures to come was the essential requirement. A point would be great, but a narrow defeat wouldn’t be a disaster if it was backed by a performance to be proud of.

It’s funny how perspectives on games can be changed by events. If you had only seen the final score, you might imagine an action-packed end-to-end thriller that was only settled in added time. But that was not the reality. It was another two-goal lead tamely thrown away after the break. Another West Ham game of two halves. No wonder Hammer’s fans were fuming. Not for the first time this season, a comfortable two goal half-time lead surrendered thanks to poor game management. The media focus would be on Chelsea’s sensational comeback. But one man’s comeback is another man’s capitulation.

West Ham have now dropped 18 points from winning positions this season (15 since the appointment of Nuno). They have taken the lead in 12 games and ended up losing four and drawing three of those matches. Had they preserved only a third of the points, then the gap to safety would be far more presentable. A half and they would be mid-table.

Exactly what goes on in the dressing room at half-time? What signals does Nuno give out to the players. Does he convey nervousness and caution? Does a half-time lead come as so much of a shock that he doesn’t know what to do or how to react? Does he permanently carry a panic button around with him ready to revert to type at the first sign of pressure? Convinced that the worst defence in the league – the one without a clean sheet since they last played against a Nuno side – are capable of holding out for an entire half as you invite the opposition to attack. And that the worst defender in the league is just the man to shore things up. There is no chance West Ham can defend their way to survival. And why try it when the relative strength is with the attacking players?

From what we have seen so far, Nuno’s game management expertise is shocking. Tactical and personnel changes when they come have been late and misguided. The common themes have been replacing forwards with defenders, defending deeper, creating massive gaps between defence and attack, isolating forwards and abandoning all pretence of ambition. Failing to occupy the opposition defenders is an open invitation to push forward and create the overloads that are invariably our undoing.

The reaction to Chelsea’s second half resurgence shouldn’t have been a change to three central defenders; but to inject fresher legs and more pace into midfield. Or fresh ideas in attack. I can just about accept the case for Tomas Soucek when his role is predominantly as an auxiliary central defender. But once Max Kilman was introduced, he should have been replaced by Freddie Potts or Soungoutou Magassa. His alarming lack of pace simply no longer works as a more advanced midfielder.

Once the twin striker formation was jettisoned, the very foundation of first half success – creating space for Jarrod Bowen and Crysencio Summerville to exploit – disappeared. The approach was doomed to failure. If a change upfront was needed, then a straight swap of Callum Wilson for Pablo would have been my preference. Continue to ask questions of the Chelsea defence, not give them the rest of the evening off.

By the end of the game, Nuno had removed all three of Pablo, Taty and Bowen to provide fans with a first glimpse of muscle-bound serial underachiever Adama Traore. We can’t say he didn’t make an impact as it was his petty confrontation with Cucurella which sparked the melee leading to Jean-Clair Todibo’s red card. I’m not saying that the eternally irritating Cucurella doesn’t deserve all the grief that comes his way, but this did not work out well for West Ham. Todibo’s absence through suspension will be critical considering who his likely replacement is likley to be.

It is difficult to know where to start with West Ham’s defending. There has been improvement at set pieces but goals against remains the highest in the league. The latest Achilles heel is the cross to the far post where central strikers are isolating aerially challenged full backs. The first two Chelsea goals both coming via this route – as had the goals conceded to QPR, Tottenham and Sunderland.

***

All eyes today will be on the slamming shut of the transfer window. The vague messages intentionally leaked from the club are that they are working hard on new signings – with the caveat that it is always a difficult environment in January. Of course, leaving your most important business to the very last moment will always be difficult – if not downright negligent.

The centre back situation is farcical given how critical it has been all season. It is now perfectly setup for the typical West Ham showdown featuring a Sullivan special foisted onto the latest reluctant manager. A no-nonsense centre back and attack minded midfielder would be an acceptable final day’s work for me, but I am fully prepared for disappointment.

Once the dust has settled and the transfer curtains finally drawn until the summer, we have only the uphill struggle to survival to concerns us. Throwing away leads and shipping an average two goals per game is not a habit that can lead to safety. The challenge starts with a massive must-win if we are to have any hope game at Burnley next Saturday. The best hope for winning the game may rely on Paco being able to lock Nuno in the Turf Moor broom cupboard while he delivers the half time pep talk. COYI!

West Ham Midweek: Claret Ribbons, Going For A Burton, Lucas-Aid and the Saturday El-Sackio

The FA Cup interlude provided a brief and welcome respite from the depressing gloom of Premier League reality. Drawn away to Burton Albion in the 4th Round may keep the Wembley dream alive a little longer. But the stormy waters of relegation remain as threatening as ever

She Wore A Claret Ribbon Round The Ole Oak Tree

Things that just won’t go away usually elicit negative connotations. Think bad pennies, cockroaches, unpleasant smells, nasty rashes and David Sullivan. The FA Cup is the polar opposite to this. Despite the best efforts of the money men to diminish its importance, the magic of the cup continues to resonate and conjure up memories for all true football fans. Banana skins, underdogs, the Leatherhead Lip, the sloping pitch at Yeovil, Ronnie Radford and Bob Stokoe all come to mind. Even better (at least in the early rounds) it is free from the spontaneity destroying abomination of VAR.

This season, the FA Cup is our safe space. An oasis of unburdened calm and hope that frees us from the anxieties of impending relegation. Season 2 of Avram Grant’s Unlikely Cup Runs. While the fat lady might still be preparing to sing, this time it’s an upbeat number about wearing claret ribbons in the merry month of May.

Needing extra time to see off QPR in rather unconvincing manner on Sunday, the ping pong balls bounced kindly for West Ham with a 4th Round away tie at League 1 strugglers, Burton Albion. A first ever meeting with the Staffordshire club. A terrific draw, on the face of it, provided you take the stance that past West Ham cup upsets are not indicative of future results. Sub-editors up and down the country will already have the Gone For A Burton headlines ready and waiting.

We Beat a Mush from Shepherds Bush

I watched a video on Youtube last week explaining the tactical changes deployed by Daniel Farke to turn around Leeds United’s season. It involved switching to a back five, playing two strikers and freeing up one of his midfielders to be always available as the out-ball. I couldn’t help but wonder if Nuno had seen the same video once the Santo Wheel of Fortune dropped it’s latest team selection prior to kick-off. The returning Aaron Wan-Bissaka came in at right wing-back with Ezra Mayers preferred to Oliver Scarles on the left. The out-ball roll was assigned to Soungoutou Magassa who was either ill-equipped or ill-prepared to deal with the more advanced role, the assist for the opening goal apart. Up-front, it all got quite confusing. Rather than a Farke 3-5-2, it played out as a Nuno 3-4-3 with Jarrod Bowen and Crysencio Summerville preferring to stay wide instead of getting closer to Taty Castellanos up front. Having both wingers and wing-backs on the pitch was a very unusual tactical interpretation.

Unfortunately, fate intervened to prevent Nuno’s master plan from unfolding completely after Dinos Mavropanos was forced off with a neck injury late in the opening half. This saw the introduction of Pablo Felipe and a tactical reshuffle to a traditional back four. It was pioneer territory to see two West Ham strikers on the field at the same time, but their frequently overlapping orbits caused more confusion than it did threat. Hopefully, this is an issue that time spent working together can overcome.

A Gun Without Bullets is Just a Hammer

With an attack minded quartet of Taty, Pablo, Bowen and Summerville on the pitch, the Hammers should have been peppering the QPR goal from all angles. That it didn’t happen was down to glacial pace of build-up play and the absence of any creative spark behind them – someone to provide the ammunition. Passes back and forth between centre-backs might look good on the possession stats but all it does is allow the opposition to recover their defensive shape.

When Declan Rice left, three things went with him – and have yet to be replaced. Leadership, athletic defensive cover in the centre of midfield, and someone capable of powering past opponents with the ball at his feet. The last point is key to my mind. As much as attacking and defensive reinforcements were sorely needed, a massive creative gap remains in the West Ham midfield. Short passing triangles are ineffective against well organised defences and can easily be countered. More often than not, passes eventually go astray, possession is conceded and an opposition counterattack launched.

Following a positive start to his West Ham career, Freddie Potts is in danger of becoming the latest to follow in the footsteps of late career Mark Noble and JWP in the society of pointless sideways passers. Stay strong and resist, Freddie.

There were, however, a couple of bright spots in the game; notably the committed performance of Summerville and Taty’s powerfully headed goal. Yet, these are caveated by the quality of the opposition – a solid but largely unspectacular mid-table Championship outfit. A glimpse of seasons yet to come perhaps.

Lucas-aid. Not Aiding Recovery

Brazilian footballers continue to have a special aura about them. Animpression that historic success and the roll call of legendary players somehow guarantees success, flair and sublime ball control to all who follow. The reality can be disappointingly different. And nowhere more so than in the West Ham career of Lucas Paqueta whose reputation largely hinges on one through ball in Prague. Sadly, as the occasional flashes of inspiration have diminished, the play-acting, inconsistency, moods, rash challenges and wayward passes have escalated. Even at his best, his contribution has been fleeting rather than as the all-round playmaker we needed and had been hoping for.

There is no sound reason not to let him leave in the January window if another club is willing to stump up the cash. Fighting to retain a Paqueta who does not want to be here and who apparently asked to be left out on Sunday is a desperate and misguided hill to die on.

Let’s just raise some funds and re-invest it on a half-proficient attacking midfielder. Someone able to provide the bullets for the strikers to fire.

Back to Earth, Back to Reality

It’s a return to league action on Saturday with this season’s version of the El Sackio at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Both managers living under the now routine threat of n games to save their job.

Transfer window gossip moves on apace and there’s always an outside chance that new arrivals will in place for the weekend. But is it all too late? The optimistic view is that there are still 51 points to play for. The pessimistic view is the league table – 21 games played and 14 points.

A character in Ernest Hemingway’s novel The Sun Also Rises is asked how he went bankrupt. “Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly” was the reply. This is the West Ham story, and I doubt there is any way back this time. As supporters, we have seen and predicted the steady decline for many months. But the owners chose not to see it. No strategy, no way forward and nothing being built for the future. The sole objective of survival ruined by the promoted clubs refusing to be useless. The luck has run out. COYI!

Lost In The Wilderness: West Ham’s Hopes of Survival Hang By The Thinnest of Threads

Following Saturday’s pathetic effort in Wolverhampton, West Ham face a last chance saloon moment with the visit of fellow strugglers Nottingham Forest to the London Stadium. Is there any way back?

Imagine the scene, a climber slips while scaling a lonely mountainside. The safety of a ledge above is tantalisingly beyond reach. He looks down. A mocking wind howls while the drop into the abyss below is dizzying. The fibres of his rope have started to unravel. One strand, then another. He scrambles for a foothold causing pebbles to break free, rattling into the cavernous void beneath. He grabs desperately at the solitary plant that clings to the cliff face. Momentary relief. A trickle of dirt rains down onto his face and into his eyes. Slowly the earth around it creaks, cracks, and finally crumbles. Weak, fibrous roots are exposed. Small rocks begin to tumble as a prelude to the plant breaking loose entirely. Spinning away in pursuit of the falling stones.

The rope snaps taut with a vicious jolt. His body swinging helplessly against the cliff face. The only sound now is the strain of his exhausted lifeline. The more he struggles, the weaker it becomes. The situation is wretched. “Hang on a minute” he thinks, “I’ve got a great idea!”

Tune in again after Tuesday evening to see if our hero can survive.

***

West Ham’s supposed run of four winnable games over the festive period is not quite going to plan, is it? Where some of us imagined a season turning haul of seven to nine points, there is only one with the final match left to play – the ultimate six-pointer against Nottingham Forest. In fact, from a West Ham perspective, the game could be seen as a forty pointer. Failure to win pretty much guaranteeing that mythical survival threshold will not be reached.

Last week I wrote an obituary for West Ham even though I’d hoped it was recklessly premature. But Saturday at Wolverhampton served to underline that a miraculous rising from the dead was unlikely. All vital signs appeared to be extinguished. Relegation looks close to certain and who knows how many years in the wilderness that will lead to under our current stewardship.

The Hammer’s demise is no overnight incident. A situation I had previously described as a slow-motion car crash. But which was described far more succinctly by a comment on a previous post as a club built on shaky foundations on a cliff that was being slowly eroded from beneath. No-one had bothered to plan for the long term and now it was about to fall into the sea. It is a story with multiple villains.

From Moyes’ negligent insistence on maintaining a small, slow and ageing squad. Through Loppy’s whack-a-mole summer transfer window and unfathomable tactics. To Potter’s purging of any characters from the squad and his belief that strikers were surplus to requirements in his soporific style of play. Each constrained and controlled in the background by the invisible hand of puppet master, Dr Evil from Theydon Bois.

To some degree, Nuno is an innocent victim of this calamity. His was an inherited squad and was brought on board without being allowed his own coaching staff. Yet after 15 games in charge, he has failed to satisfy the basic mandate of a head coach: to make the best of what he’s got and mould a team which approaches every game with energy, spirit and determination. To add insult to injury, bizarre team selections and overly cautious substitutions have frittered away precious points that were ready and waiting to be banked.

The game at Molineux should have been approached as if it were a cup final. With Forest already beaten in the early kick-off, a win would have reduced the deficit to one point ahead of Tuesday’s showdown. Up against a side without a win all season, what greater motivation could there have been to register a statement performance?

But it didn’t happen. From the first of several early misplaced passes from Bowen, a sense of effortless lethargy engulfed the team. No spark, no effort, no conviction. The resilience that had been seen in coming from behind in earlier games went completely missing. At no time did there appear to be a way back into the game once the first goal went in.

Leadership is clearly an issue at the club. Both in the dugout where Nuno looked a stunned and bewildered figure for much of the game; and on the pitch where team spirit was next to non-existent. Most of us know that Bowen only wears the armband through seniority, but leadership doesn’t have to start and end with the skipper. Everyone must have licence to stand up to inspire and motivate others either by words or deeds. It takes more than occasional high-fives whenever someone makes a last-minute tackle or interception. Unfortunately, the squad has been shorn of outspoken characters. There was a brief moment where we imagined leadership was a part of the big fee thrown at the Kilman transfer. Until it turned out these qualities were as flaky as his defending.

There have been too many ‘worst performances of the season’ to know whether Saturday truly represented a new all-time ‘low’. It was certainly a podium finish and a return to the team of strangers of early season where few came out with any credit – with the exception of Areola, who prevented the score from being even more embarrassing.

Summerville and Magassa had at least looked interested in the first half, but Summerville was again all sizzle and no sausage while Magassa was implicated in all three goals conceded. Fernandes looked confused and uninterested by his first half role and although he improved after the break, Wolves had already settled for their three-goal lead by then.

Scarles and Mayers both did OK. Both are in the early stages of their careers and hopefully there will be better times ahead for them. My main questionmark over our academy graduates is whether there is enough variety to their game. They are competent enough to receive the ball, control it and play a short onward pass the way they are facing. But does that cut it at the top level?

In truth, it is a deficiency that extends throughout the squad. Since the departure of Declan Rice, no-one has been capable of marauding forward with the ball at their feet. It adds unpredictability to attacks, creates space for others and commits defenders to rash challenges. A team which relies solely on passing is more easily countered by denying the space in front of them.

This brings me to a brief list of observed West Ham limitations when compared to more successful Premier League teams. Our main striker is always isolated with no-one close enough to feed from knockdowns or lay-offs. The front three themselves are too far apart and too few midfielders get into the penalty areas in support. The spaces between our banks of players are too great and too rigid – as if they are a table football team connected by metal rods. The backline drops too deep too quickly due to the absence of recovery pace – especially if Todibo is absent – allowing opponents to exploit the gaps that are left. Delivery from free-kicks, corners and throw-ins is poor. There is minimal threat from central defenders at set pieces who do attack the ball decisively enough in either box. Apart from that, everything is rosy.

I was one of the few who wasn’t too concerned by Nuno’s decision not to turn to Jesus (or Pablo Felipe) as the game progressed. Would it have made sense for a player who hadn’t trained and had just returned from injury to run around on his own for 15 minutes watching Tomas Soucek point at things?

I’m also not convinced that changing the manager again now will have any material effect on the season’s outcome. Having said that I am similarly unconvinced that Nuno would be the right man to bring us back up again. The right appointment in the summer – maybe Thomas Frank when he is sacked by Spurs – would be a more sensible way forward.

I wish I had enough belief left in the bank to expect the mother of all turnarounds tomorrow night. I know I shouldn’t venture into cynicism, but my big concern is the nature of Nuno’s deranged response to Saturday’s performance. I’m already imagining the groan that will be heard from space when Kilman and Soucek are announced in the starting eleven. COYI!

West Ham United 1895 – 2025: An Obituary

With relegation this season now looking a virtual certainty, our obituary correspondent considers the cultural passing of this beloved east London old club.

With the quiet inevitability of a retreating Thames tide, West Ham United football club passed peacefully away this weekend following a long and debilitating 15-year battle with greed, negligence and incompetence.

The symbolic death of a club whose myth regularly exceeded its league position has been widely mourned across east London. This is no mere sporting matter. It represents a cultural moment: the disappearance of a footballing identity which, for over 130 years, had been rooted in place, community, and memory. Memories that were occasionally beautiful, more often shambolic, but which invariably expressed personality.

Few clubs were so thoroughly shaped by their geography and working-class roots as the Hammers. From the shipyards of their origin to the terraced streets spreading across east London and Essex. West Ham was never just about football. It reflected community bonds, the collective memory of labourers, dockers, craftsmen, families, and post-war optimism. It stood for ideals that transcended sport: perseverance without arrogance, creativity without conceit, and humour in disappointment’s familiar face. For generations, West Ham offered a reminder that loyalty could be an end in itself.

The great paradox of West Ham was their ability to demand a cultural authority far exceeding their minimal collection of silverware. Where other clubs had trophy counts, West Ham’s legacy was one of intangible spirit. Where the value of a match lay not solely in its outcome but in its experience. The purest explanation of the West Ham way was football as craft and entertainment, not as a commodity.

Such values became increasingly fragile in the face of modern football’s relentless monetisation. In an era shaped by digital analytics – expected goals, passes per defensive action, heatmaps, algorithmic scouting – West Ham remained defiantly analogue for far too long under their current owners. An ownership concerned exclusively with power and outside appearances. Who ignored the club’s underlying health, failed to plan strategically, and payed lip service to its heritage. Always opting for the cheapest and easiest option when appointing coaches, planning player recruitment and upgrading training facilities. A deliberate policy of short-term thinking and managed decline.

While it would be simplistic to blame the 2016 stadium move for all the club’s deep structural ailments, the move represented a watershed moment in accelerating the dilution of local allegiances in favour of commercial interests. The departure from Upton Park was not merely a relocation; it was a dislocation. The Boleyn Ground, compact and emotionally resonant, was a theatre built for intimacy. The London Stadium, by contrast, is a monument to hubris and penny pinching.

The opportunity of a new stadium may have tempted any owner but negotiating a deal which prioritised cost savings and surrendered operational control proved to be disastrous. The stadium was a shelter, and never a home.

To declare West Ham United “dead” is, of course, a rhetorical gesture. The team will play again next Saturday, the Saturday after that, and most probably in the Championship next season. The obituary tone points to something subtler. A recognition that a much loved version of the club, and the culture that produced it, has slipped beyond reach and beyond redemption. The grief expressed by supporters is notable becasue of its volatility but because of its depth of feeling. It is not the outrage of fans denied success; it is the mourning of the club’s cultural passing.

So, farewell West Ham United. The memories will linger on; romantic, nostalgic, impulsive and profoundly human. A tapestry of glorious highs and disappointing character-building lows, faded images of every father and child making their first pilgrimage along Green Street filled with anticipation. The electric atmosphere of the Boleyn under lights, of Moore’s poised authority, of Brooking gliding across the mud, of Bonds’ swashbuckling determination and Di Canio’s impossible volley. The pride, emotion and goosebumps that a rousing rendition of Bubbles never failed to trigger.

In remembering West Ham, we honour the possibility that, one day, football may again be more than a business. That it can be a story, a heritage, and a home. COYI!

A Fairytale of West Ham: What Does Secret Santo Have In Store For The Festive Season?

We could have been someone, but GSB took our dreams from us when they first found us. Happy Christmas your @#$% it may well be our last – in the Premier League.

At this most wonderful time of the year as old chestnuts roast on an open fire, our thoughts inevitably turn to the traditional meaning and symbols of Christmastide. Scumbags, maggots, and old sluts on junk. But enough of the West Ham Board’s annual Xmas party where Chairman, David Sullivan will have ignored the advice of wise men and gift wrapped another Sully special striker for this year’s Secret Santo.

Whether it’s the festive season or the football season, looking up at it from the bottom of the table is not to be recommended. And there’s no escaping the fact that West Ham’s position is desperately grim. Just three wins from 17 attempts and five points and an inferior goal difference from safety is about as precarious as things can get.

Escape may not yet be impossible, but so much needs to change to make it happen. Performance levels require massive improvement all over the park. Fast and effective action is needed in the transfer window, reversing the historic trend of dither, haggle and delay. And it requires one of the sides immediately above us to lose their way spectacularly in the second half of the season. In some years, a points tally in the low 30s has been enough to survive. But it doesn’t look like being one of those years.

The decline at West Ham has not been a sudden collapse. We have been watching a slow-motion car crash of a club for over two years now. Failure to address a slow and ageing squad, appointing a succession of dreadful out-of-work passive managers, and running the club without imagination, ambition or strategic direction have all taken their toll. If there was anything close to a game plan, it was the assumption that we could escape by running faster than the three promoted clubs.

Time has stood still at the London Stadium. And while others recognised that progressive coaching, work ethic and athleticism could level the playing field, West Ham fiddled. The club without a plan is now suffering the inevitable consequences.

Having little faith from West Ham’s visit to Manchester City, I opted to get my fix of football entertainment by watching Newcastle versus Chelsea on TV. For once, it was a genuinely entertaining game which refused to get bogged by down by the usual Premier League scripted choreography. But there was one moment which stood out for me as to how unfit for purpose West Ham have become. Around the 70^th minute, Eddie Howe replaced his entire front line. Off went Woltermade, Gordon and Murphy. On came Wissa, Barnes and Elanga. Compare that to the options available on a typical West Ham bench. It’s like Christmas dinner without any of the trimmings!

It wasn’t long ago that the Geordies were in a similar boat to West Ham. And were trailing the Hammers in terms of total revenues earned. A few seasons later they are streets ahead. It is true they now have rich Saudi owners, but they have also been operating within the same financial constraints (i.e. PSR) as we have. Instead, by appointing a modern, progressive manager they have earned success on the pitch and used this to add strength and depth to their squad.

With revenues now the holy grail for player recruitment and football club growth, West Ham’s supposed London Stadium deal of the century is looking more and more like a millstone around the neck. While neither Newcastle or Manchester City own their own grounds, both have negotiated an overall control of operations which provides access to additional income streams from naming rights through to the proceeds from non-football events.

The London Stadium deal might look great to an accountant whose only interest is saving money. But to a business desperate to increase earnings it is a disaster. What other club is prevented from hosting important women’s or youth games at their own ground?

For last Sunday’s game at the Etihad Stadium, Nuno embarked on his now customary selection whack-a-mole. Splitting up the improving Todibo – Mavropanos central defensive partnership in favour of a Kilman recall, playing once again without a recognised target man in attack, and stuffing the bench full of defenders.

Poor old Kilman has never given the impression of being the strongest or most confident defender and putting him up against Haaland must have been a traumatic – as well as hopeless – exercise. Possibly a little harsh to call him “the worst footballer I’ve ever seen” – as one commentator did – but what a shocking waste of money his signing has been.

Managers returning to previous clubs to sign players they have worked with has always been a red flag for me. The equivalent of buying someone a store voucher as a gift rather than giving them money. One can only be used in a single store, the other can be spent anywhere. All indications are that Nuno is planning to repeat Loppy’s mistake by pursuing Adama Traore in the winter window. Can a bit part player who has underachieved at every club he’s been at really be our saviour, even if he comes cheap?

It was a dreadful first from West Ham against Manchester City. The two full backs deputising for the AFCON absentees were understandably rusty, having not kicked a ball in anger for some weeks. And the only attacking intent were long, high balls for Bowen and Summerville to make token challenges for.

Once the hosts had strolled into a comfortable two-goal lead it was pretty much game over. There was a slight improvement from the Hammers after the break but nothing to bother the scorers about.

The next four games will go a long way to defining the remainder of the Hammer’s season. Anything less than six points would be disastrous. Ideally, I would hope for nine. But without squad reinforcements that is a hopeful stretch.

It’s obvious that a striker must be top of the West Ham wish list in January. After that, I think the priority should be someone to do the job that Paqueta is meant to be doing as an attacking midfielder. Even when he is on his game, Paqueta offers only sporadic, individual moments of inspiration. Far more is needed as the conduit between massed defence and attack. Someone to probe, pass, and carry the ball forward as necessary. A player capable of pulling the strings and posing a threat through an entire ninety minutes. I shudder to think what we will end up with.

West Ham are now odds on for relegation. On the balance of probabilities, it’s going to happen and what a disaster that will be. The chances of Sullivan selling up and clearing off will be even lower once the club’s market value is sheared in half.

While he is still around, I can’t see a better time, when all our dreams come true. Merry Christmas. COYI!

Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss: And Why Nuno Faces A Herculean Task at the London Stadium

A West Ham manager’s lot is not a happy one. Can Nuno find an answer to the long running conundrum of producing a sustainable, professional team at a broken and dysfunctional club?

Supporting West Ham has never been a pursuit for the glory hunter or the faint of heart. For most it is an act of faith founded on community, shared identity, loyalty, passion, a sense of belonging, and wherever possible, entertainment. It is not, sadly, a vision shared by the owners.

There can be no argument that English topflight football has changed over the years – some good, some bad – with its global appeal. TV deals, influx of money, overseas players and financial regulations. Where well-run clubs have innovated and adapted to these new realities, the leadership at West Ham has refused to shift, preferring to the celebrate their amateurism and defy progress. Compounding the unpopular handling of the stadium move with an approach to football that rarely looks beyond the next fixture. The added irony being that the cost cutting London Stadium agreement – feted by pundits as the ‘deal of the century’ at the time – now sits like a millstone around the club’s neck to limit the much needed matchday and commercial revenues that are growing rapidly at rival clubs.

There is a concept known (appropriately) as Maslow’s Hammer which states that “if the only tool you have is a hammer, then every problem will look like a nail.” In a West Ham context, this translates to a belief that all performance issues can be addressed by the mirage of a new managerial appointment. Nothing else in the slipshop way the club is run ever needs to change!

The result for supporters is a cycle of chronic anxiety. A Groundhog Day where each new manager enjoys a honeymoon period of variable length, inevitably followed by a steady decline of fluctuating velocity. A decline characterised by a campaign of undermining, leaks and sabotage from the Boardroom. The best-case scenario (for the club) is a manager who makes it through to the end of their contract before being terminated (Allardyce, Moyes). But more usually, they will be fired whenever the spectre of relegation (and financial Armageddon) appears on the horizon.

If you toss a box of assorted West Ham Premier League statistics into the air, what you get when they land is a picture of prolonged mediocrity. Averaged across 29 seasons, the return from 38 matches is 12½ wins, 9½ draws, and 16 defeats: a total of 47 points, negative 8 goal difference, with an expected 11^th or 12^th place finish. An optimist might interpret this as prudence and stability but really, what is the point of a survival only strategy when it is at the expense of entertainment, ambition and a raucous matchday experience.

In truth, the stats show little difference between the pre and post GSB eras. The only significant distinction being that the current owners have spent a lot more money and made a much bigger song and dance of how incompetent they are.

It would be unfair not to recognise that above average seasons do ocasionally arise: 2015/16 and 2020/21 are notable examples. But where these have occurred, they are the result of temporary good fortune rather than years of good stewardship, squad building and team planning. In 2015/16, Slaven Bilic was able to overlay the mercurial talents of Dimitri Payet onto the organisation inherited from BFS. In 2020/21, David Moyes had the emergence of Declan Rice and the inspiration of Jesse Lingard to turn trademark defensive caution into surprising attacking threat. Both false dawns which failed to survive the loss of key players.

So, what does all this mean for Nuno Espirito Santo as the latest occupant of the West Ham hot seat? Can he break the spell of mediocrity? Implement a style of play that supporters desire and are happy to pay to watch – entertaining, fast paced, front foot, quick transition football? I’d like to think he can but ask me again at the end of November for confirmation. He has been saying many of the right things, has been prepared to take a serious look at the younger players, and is much easier to listen to than his immediate predecessors.

But sorting out West Ham from where they are now is a Herculean task. In fact, Hercules himself would have to think twice before choosing whether to accept the mission or not. How to stabilise a careless defence, inject creativity into midfield, solve the age-old striker conundrum alongside other heroic labours such as pacifying the two-faced bull of Theydon, appeasing the multi-headed serpent of Knightsbridge – and complying with PSR regulations?

Following the hard-fought and well-deserved draw at Everton, a trip to the Emirates to face Arsenal was always going to be a tough ask. Several online commentators saw it as the typical West Ham capitulation against one of the rich six clubs. That Nuno’s approach had been as negative as those who had gone before. This was rather harsh in the context of facing (probably) the best team in the league at the moment, with only a week in post to prepare. But it is difficult to counter claims that West Ham had surrendered the game without putting up much in the way of a fight. Yet for once caution made sense. A gung-ho approach and a five or six goal hammering would have been in no-one’s interest at this stage of proceedings.

Defensively, West Ham managed to maintain good shape and discipline for much of the first half. But it requires an extreme level of luck to keep your goal intact for extended periods without an out-ball to relieve the pressure. Curiously, Max Kilman and Dinos Mavropanos may have put in their most assured performances of the season in helping to counter the host’s legendary set piece threat.

But going forward, West Ham were impotent. The full backs were unable to get out of their own half or support attacks in the way they had at Everton. But it was in midfield where the Hammers were most ineffective in transition. No-one capable of finding space, assuming control and picking the right pass.

It is a stretch on current performances to look at the pairing of Lucas Paqueta and Mateus Fernandes and be satisfied that you are seeing £100 m of creative talent. Paqueta is either too busy looking to buy a foul or making blind, hopeful passes while Fernandes has shown none of the ball carrying skills or creative passing that were advertised on his CV. Maybe it needs time for them to click but both appear to prefer playing in deeper positions than the team requires. It was only Crysencio Summerville who looked capable of the movement and quick control to create his own space and drive forward. Would he be better deployed as a Number 10 than on the wing?

It is becoming increasingly difficult to pinpoint how Niclas Fullkrug can be integrated into a Premier League side hoping to rely on rapid counter attacking. His inclination is to drop deep during build up play rather than looking to put himself about in the box. More in the style of a Haller or Scamacca than the Michail Antonio/ Chris Wood blunt instrument that is better suited to this style of play.

It was interesting to see Nuno opt for Callum Marshall when Fullkrug was replaced. It would have been a thankless task for anyone, but he showed plenty of energy and it was great that he got his first Premier League minutes under the belt. Marshall doesn’t look lone central striker material to me, so his opportunities may remain limited for now. That he was given the opportunity at all was a positive we can take from Nuno’s involvement.

The six matches following the international break will carry great significance for West Ham’s season. Collecting at least nine or ten points must be a realistic target to aim for if respectability is to be achieved and a relegation battle avoided.

With Premier League clubs looking likely to extend the current PSR regulations into the 2026/27 season – mainly because they can’t agree any alternative – next summer is already looking problematic for West Ham. Nuno will clearly want. need reinforcements but flat or falling revenues will likely require profit from player sales to offset operating losses. Unfortunately, there are few high-ticket assets available for sale. COYI!

What do we know about Nuno Espirito Santo, West Ham’s fourth manager in less than 18 months

When I wrote last week’s article ‘If West Ham were to appoint a new manager who would it be?’ which was published last Friday little did I know that just 24 hours later we would know the answer. It was no secret that Graham Potter’s position was under significant internal scrutiny with managerial alternatives being considered. He was under growing pressure to keep his job following a massively disappointing start to the season.

Nuno Espirito Santo, who had been sacked by Nottingham Forest following their home defeat to West Ham, was the odds-on favourite to replace him and that was what happened. That’s quite ironical isn’t it? Nuno was dismissed in the first international break and it was widely believed that the next break would signal the end of Potter. But the sack arrived sooner than we expected, but not before time. As was written in the statement on Saturday morning ‘results and performances over the course of the second half of last season and the start of the 2025-26 season have not matched expectations.’

You can say that again, 19^th in the Premier League table, six wins in 25 games, and an inability to defend corners which has resulted in seven goals conceded, an astonishing statistic that he appeared to have no idea how to reverse. In fact he struggled badly and seemed to be at a total loss in so many areas of managing a top-flight football team.

So who are we getting? What do we know about Nuno, who has become our fourth manager in less than 18 months? He retired as a goalkeeper at Porto in 2010 and began his coaching career as a goalkeeping coach. In 2012, Rio Ave, a Portuguese top division side, announced his appointment as manager and in his second season in charge, his team reached two major domestic finals as he led them to the UEFA Europa League for the first time in their history.

He became manager of Valencia in La Liga (Spain) in 2014 and led them to a fourth place finish in his first season. He was named La Liga Manager of the Month three times but resigned in the 2015-16 season after a poor start to their domestic and Champions League campaigns.

In 2016, he signed a two-year contract with Porto, however after a season with no silverware but a second-place finish in the league, he was sacked at the end of just one season.

In 2017, he became the new head coach of Championship club Wolves, signing a three-year contract. He led the club to the Premier League after a six-year absence, achieving promotion with four matches remaining in the season and being confirmed as champions with two games to spare. Wolves finished seventh in the 2018–19 league season; it was the club’s highest Premier League finish, and their highest in the top-flight since the 1979–80 season when they finished sixth. They also qualified for a European competition for the first time since the 1980–81 UEFA Cup, reaching the UEFA Europa League.

The 2019-20 season that was interrupted by Covid saw Nuno’s team achieve a second consecutive seventh-place finish in the Premier League (with a record points total for Wolves in the Premier League of 59), and reach the quarter-finals of the UEFA Europa League, the club’s best such performance since being finalists in the 1971–72 UEFA Cup. At the end of the following season Wolves announced that Nuno would leave the club by mutual consent at the end of the season.

In June 2021, Tottenham Hotspur announced Nuno as their new head coach on a two-year contract with an option to extend for a third year. He achieved the best start to a Premier League season for Tottenham with three wins from their first three matches. He won the Premier League Manager of the Month award for August, but on 1 November, after his team lost 3–0 at home to Manchester United, their fifth loss in seven matches and which left them ninth in the table, he was dismissed after less than four months in charge and was replaced the following day by Antonio Conte.

In July 2022, he was appointed by Al-Ittihad in the Saudi Pro League. He won the 2022 Saudi Super Cup in January 2023 and also won the club’s first league title in 14 years that season. He was sacked in November 2023, two days after a 2–0 loss to an Iraqi club in the Champions League.

In December 2023, he was appointed head coach of Nottingham Forest. He helped to secure the club’s survival from relegation with a 17th-placed finish. In his second season by January 2025, Forest sat third in the Premier League table on the 40 points defying the expectations of most pundits, who had predicted at the start of the season that Forest would struggle and get relegated. He became the first Forest manager to win the Premier League Manager of the Month award three times in a single season. The club eventually finished seventh and qualified for the Europa League, their first participation in European football in 30 years.

In June 2025, Nuno signed a new contract to stay with Nottingham Forest until 2028. However in September he was dismissed after three Premier League games of the season. The sacking seemed to arise due to his relationship with Forest’s owner Marinakis. Surely it was nothing to do with results!

One thing that stands out is the fact that in every case, more games have been won than lost in all seven clubs Nuno has previously managed. The same cannot be said for Graham Potter, Julen Lopetegui or David Moyes. It was a promising start at the Hill Dickinson stadium on Monday night, especially in the second half. I won’t look at the playing style of the teams he has managed at this stage; we’ll see how it transpires at West Ham in the coming weeks.

If West Ham were to appoint a new manager who would it be?

It’s no real secret that Graham Potter’s position is under significant internal scrutiny with managerial alternatives now being considered. He is under growing pressure to keep his job following a massively disappointing start to the season that plunged to new depths following last Saturday’s home defeat by Crystal Palace. Even prior to Saturday’s loss – our fourth from five Premier League games – it was widely reported that we had started the process of identifying potential replacements for Potter. He is the odds on next Premier Manager to leave his post at 3/10. Ruben Amorin is next on the list at 15/2.

Nuno Espirito Santo, recently sacked by Nottingham Forest, is understood to be among the options we have identified and is currently the favourite to be our next permanent manager. All sorts of stories exist about him being interviewed by Karren Brady and being spotted in Theydon Bois, close to the home of David Sullivan, Birch Hall, his palatial mansion nearby. The prospect of Slaven Bilic who has previously played and managed us returning on a short-term basis has apparently also been discussed internally. According to the betting odds these appear to be the two standout candidates.

We have not won a Premier League game in front of our own supporters since 27 February and have lost all three home matches this season to London rivals Chelsea, Tottenham and Crystal Palace. We have now lost our opening three home league games for the second consecutive season. Despite defeat, Potter described the performance against Palace as “spirited”. Asked if he still felt he had the support of the club’s board, Potter said: “Yeah, I’ve no reason to think not.”

Before Saturday’s game, thousands of West Ham fans protested against how the club is run and called for chairman David Sullivan and vice-chair Karren Brady to step down. But it seems very unlikely that it will happen in the foreseeable future.

So what next? With no change at the very top of the club a new manager will surely be appointed sometime soon, perhaps at the beginning of the international break? But what will happen if (in the extremely unlikely event) we manage to win at Everton and (even more unlikely) at Arsenal too? Will the manager be kept on? I seem to remember a similar situation when Lopetegui was manager.

So what are the odds on who will be West Ham’s next permanent manager? These change regularly according to who has been spotted where and other rumours that circulate. But the latest list that I saw read as follows:

Nuno Espirito Santo 4/7, Slaven Bilic 5/4, Gary O’Neil 5/1, Sean Dyche 12/1, Michael Carrick 14/1, Scott Parker 16/1, Liam Rosenior 20/1, Eden Terzic 25/1, Kieran McKenna 25/1, Gareth Southgate 25/1, Michael Beale 25/1, and then a whole host of others at 33/1 including Steven Gerrard, Brendan Rogers, Damien Duff, Frank Lampard, Danny Rohl, Lee Carsley, Chris Hughton, John O’Shea, Marco Rose, Ole Gunnar Solksjaer, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Robbie Keane, Ralph Hasenhutl.

Who do you think it might be? Do you fancy a flutter?