Month: November 2025

West Ham with seven points from their last three games entertain Liverpool who have three points from their last seven games

When we were five games into this Premier League season, the reigning champions Liverpool sat at the top already holding a five point lead. They had won all five games, albeit with some very late winning goals, and had 15 points, five clear of second placed Arsenal. They had scored 11 goals and conceded five and were odds on favourites even at that early stage to retain their title. What has happened next has taken almost everyone by surprise.

We are now 12 games into the season and their five point lead just seven games ago has not just disappeared but they have tumbled down the league table and now are twelfth with 18 points, 11 points off Arsenal at the summit, meaning just one win and six defeats in those games (with nine defeats in their last 12 games across all competitions). They have scored 18 goals and conceded 20 in the Premier League to date. These games include some heavy defeats to Manchester City (0-3), Nottingham Forest (0-3), and PSV Eindhoven (1-4 in the Champions League).

Defensive frailties have been exposed, with Liverpool conceding three goals in three of their last five matches. Injuries have compounded their woes, with Hugo Ekitike, Florian Wirtz, and Jeremie Frimpong all doubts for this weekend’s game, while Alisson Becker faces a race to be fit.

Apparently, it is Liverpool’s worst run since 1953. And what odds would you have got when they were comfortably leading the league that by the end of November Arne Slot would be second favourite at around 2/1 (Daniel Farke is the odds-on favourite) to be the next Premier League manager to be leaving his post? Quite an astonishing turn round that everybody seems to fail to understand the reason why.

And after all that they now face the mighty, massive Hammers at the London Stadium! West Ham come into this fixture unbeaten in their last three Premier League games, having picked up seven points from matches against Newcastle (3-1 win), Burnley (3-2 win), and Bournemouth (2-2 draw). Our seven points from those three Premier League games in November exceeds the four we managed in August, September and October combined. It could have been nine points if the manager had gone about substitutions in a different way at Bournemouth where we surrendered the initiative after holding a two-goal half time lead. (I’ll leave you to review Geoff’s analysis of that game – I’ll say no more here.)

We seem to have found new energy under Nuno Espirito Santo with his (in my opinion) improved team selections in the last three games, with Callum Wilson in fine form, scoring twice against one of his old clubs last weekend. Always a fine goalscorer but why was he hauled off so early? I remember the days when the same eleven who started the game ended it too! Lucas Paqueta returns from suspension (I have mixed feelings about this), and Crysencio Summerville is expected to be fit, boosting our attacking options. We have also recorded back-to-back home wins for the first time this calendar year, and our attacking play has notably improved, scoring eight goals in our last three league matches (compared to seven in the previous nine). However, I still have my reservations about our new manager. Team selections and substitutions mainly but I hope he proves me wrong and is successful in taking us up the table.

Liverpool have dominated this fixture historically, winning 86 of the 153 competitive meetings, with West Ham claiming 29 wins and 38 draws. In recent years, Liverpool have won five of the last six encounters, including a 5-0 thrashing at the London Stadium last December and a 5-1 EFL Cup win. West Ham’s last home victory over Liverpool came in November 2021 (3-2), (didn’t Mr. Klopp blame the bubbles?) but that remains our only win in the last 20 attempts.

The fixture tends to produce goals, with both teams scoring in many recent meetings. Liverpool have scored 25 goals in their nine Premier League visits to the London Stadium against West Ham, including a 5-0 win in this fixture last season. Indeed, Man City (28) and Arsenal (26) are the only visiting sides with more goals at the ground.

Liverpool have lost each of their last five away league games against London sides, as many as in their previous 31. They last had a longer losing run in the capital between September 1952 and April 1954 with eight.

Current form favours West Ham (something that isn’t usually the case when we face Liverpool!). History favours the Merseysiders and bookmakers make them odds on favourites to win the game. I hope we can inflict more pressure on Mr Slot and boost our own position in the table with three points. However, I note that Liverpool are the only Premier League team to have not shared the points in any of their twelve league games so far this season. They haven’t drawn any of their five Champions League games either nor their two league cup games when they exited the competition at the hands of Crystal Palace. They did draw the Community Shield game at the beginning of the season before losing on penalties to Palace. Palace were also one of the teams to beat them in the league too.

Perhaps time for our second 2-2 draw in consecutive weeks? Or our second 3-2 win in consecutive home games?

Nuno And A Classic Tale Of Game Mismanagement: West Ham Draw At Bournemouth

One point is snatched from the jaws of three as West Ham invite Bournemouth to an uncontested 45-minute second half shootout at the Vitality Stadium.

On the face of it, returning from the Vitality Stadium with one point in the bag could be seen as a job well done. Bournemouth are no mugs and many of us would have taken the draw prior to kick-off. And seven points from the last three games is not to be sniffed at. So, why so much post-match negativity among supporters? The simple answer: because it felt very much like two points thrown away rather than one earned.  

Nuno had received plenty of media plaudits following the two consecutive home victories against Newcastle and Burnley. They were much needed wins, the league table looked less desperate and there was a sense he may have “turned things around”. Yet, I can’t shake the doubts from my mind that he was as much the architect of our dire situation – from his bewildering selections and tactics against Brentford and Leeds – as he was our saviour. A sleight of hand like the firefighting arsonist who first sets the blaze and later returns as the hero to put it out.

It’s now eight points from seven games for Nuno. An improvement over the hapless Graham Potter but still well within the realms of disappointment. The next seven games take us through to the end of the year; the halfway stage of the season and the opening of the transfer window. Following the first three of those games, players will depart for AFCON 2025 – and may potentially be missing until the last week of January. It’s a tough run of fixtures during which the Hammers cannot afford to lose touch with our fellow stragglers. A point per game is a minimum return.

Having carved out the two home wins with a solid, dependable and unspectacular 4-3-3, Nuno elected to exercise his tactical chops with a return to a three-man central defence. What might have looked liked a 3-4-3 from the safety of the white board turned into a uninspiring 5-4-1 for most of the game. The driver for change was either to compensate for the absence of Lucas Paqueta, to counter the Cherry’s swift attacking threat, or just for the hell of it. Whatever way, it served to set the tone of the afternoon. The Hammers would be competing as underdogs.

How we have arrived at a situation where Bournemouth (£169 m in revenues and average attendance 11,200) have superior resources and depth to their squad than West Ham (£268 m in revenues and average attendance 62,400) is staggering. But we know the answer, don’t we? It is the direct consequence of the fetid band of grifters, chancers and charlatans in the boardroom responsible for sullying the great name of West Ham United for the past 15 years. As with Robin Banks, the detective, or Clara Knet, the musician, we can see nominative determinism at work here. Sully – verb: to damage, soil, or tarnish a reputation. BS Out!

As for Bournemouth, it is a very well-run club. They ditched a safety-first coach to appoint a progressive, visionary coach in Iraola. They have coped with (and profited from) the lucrative sales of Zabarnyi, Huijsen, Kerkez, Ouattara, and Solanke. And yet still have a more valuable squad than West Ham according to Transfermkt.

Reaching half-time two goals up came as a huge surprise. The lead courtesy of two expertly taken Callum Wilson goals rather than any tactical superiority displayed by the Hammers. How refreshing to have a main striker who understands the role with an opportunistic eye for goal. A great shame he’s not half a dozen years younger.

Apart from the goals, West Ham had been happy to surrender possession for most of the half. But in doing so, managed to limit the Bournemouth threat to a handful of half chances. Aside from a couple of dangerous Malick Diouf crosses, the wing backs rarely left their own half. Both Jarrod Bowen and Luis Guilherme looked uncertain in their narrow roles and too often they occupied the space the wing backs were meant to run into. As a front three, they were never close enough to operate as a functioning unit. And there were never enough attacking bodies in the box at any one time.

Still, it was a nice position to be in at the break. A third win on the bounce was certainly not out of the question. Until everything started to go wrong.

First change (46 minutes): KWP for Guilherme. There was some debate whether this was a tactical switch or due to injury. Introducing KWP had worked well in previous games as a wide midfielder in front of a back four. He appeared to have little idea what to do or what was expected of him as a theroretical part of a front three. Either George Earthy or Soungoutou Magassa would have made more sense as Guilherme replacements.

Second change (52 minutes): Tomas Soucek for Wilson. This was wrong for two reasons. One, it was far too early to take off Wilson who had showed no signs of tiredness – the look on his face said it all. And two, Soucek was the wrong replacement. Deploying him as the main striker was laughable. Iraola had withdrawn one of his central defenders at the break and this change played straight into his hands. The switch should have been delayed for at least another 15 minutes with either a straight Niclas Fullkrug swap or moving Bowen into the centre and introducing Magassa or Earthy behind.

Third change (74 minutes): Fullkrug for Fernandes. A contender for the Most Stupid Substitution of The Month award. Leaving aside the fine individual exploits of Wilson and Alphonse Areola, Fernandes was the standout West Ham performer again. Had Brian Clough been in the dugout he would have hooked Soucek straight off again, having seen how far off the pace he is now in open play. But no, Nuno took off the one player capable of putting in a tackle and holding on to the ball. As it was, Fullkrug was hardly involved – either isolated or lazy depending on your point of view – and Fernandes’ absence opened gaping holes in the midfield for Bournemouth to breeze through.

It beggars belief that any professional manager or coach would come up with Nuno’s cunning five part plan to defend a lead: abandon all attacking intent, remove any outlet for retaining possession, defend as deep as humanly possible, resort to punted upfield clearances to no-one in particular, and invite wave after wave on attacks on their own goal. Madness, surely! It was a basement level of cowardness and caution that would leave even the Moyesiah reeling with embarrassment. And remember, these were tactics developed in the full knowledge that the club has a collection of the flakiest defenders in living memory.

There is often a debate as to whether the on-field approach is down to the players or the tactical instructions prescribed by the coach. All I can say is that at no time did I see Nuno imploring his team to push up or demanding that a higher defensive line be adopted. I can only assume he thought it made sense.

Every watching West Ham supporter would have been fully aware it was only a matter of time before Bournemouth started scoring. It was good fortune that they ran out of time after drawing level. There could have been little argument if they had racked up another two or three goals.

At the final whistle, the disappointment was as much about the manner as the fact of losing a two-goal lead. One second half goal attempt (in the 51st minute) and 22% possession after the break says it all. Only eight touches in the opposition box all game and no saves for their keeper to make illustrate the luckiest of snatched points, not a hard-fought draw.

The Hammers ended the weekend just outside the relegation places on goal difference. It’s going to a much tougher struggle at the bottom of the league this year. Although two of the promoted clubs currently sit below us, they are stronger sides than we saw promoted the season before. Clubs have learned that survival chances improve immensely when you have physically imposing players scatered around the team. In the modern game it is almost a pre-requisite for every player to be quick, athletic and strong. A lesson that a succession of West Ham managers have been slow to learn.

A shrewd transfer window in January is now essential for survival. And then I read of links to Adama Traore. It’s enough to tear out the few remaining hairs on my head. COYI!

Do West Ham have a cunning plan to continue their recent run when they travel to the South Coast to face Bournemouth?

Before sitting down to write this preview I have recently been watching a re-run of some Blackadder episodes. That might explain any strange references that have crept in.

Ah, Bournemouth versus West Ham. A fixture so tantalising, it could make even Baldrick’s turnip quiver with anticipation. On one side, Bournemouth, a club whose recent home form is so impressive, you’d think they’d discovered the secret to footballing alchemy, winning four of their last five at the Vitality Stadium and scoring goals with the reckless abandon of Lord Flashheart at a dinner party. Their defence, however, is about as watertight as a leaky rowing boat captained by a drunken sailor, with clean sheets rarer than a cunning plan from Baldrick. However they’ve lost their last two games and conceded seven goals in the process. But in mitigation they were away from home at Villa and Manchester City, two sides in top form that have each picked up 15 points from their last five games. They’ve fallen from second to ninth in no time at all collecting eight points from their last six games (only one more than us). If they fall any further they’ll need a miner’s helmet and a note from their mother explaining their absence from the top half of the table.

West Ham, meanwhile, arrive with the confidence of a man who’s just realised his trousers are on backwards. Seven league defeats already, and our away form is so patchy, it could be mistaken for a moth-eaten pair of Blackadder’s best socks. Our defence has been leaking goals faster than Lord Percy’s brain leaks common sense, and yet, like a stubborn medieval lord, we refuse to go quietly. Having spent much of the season stumbling like Lord Percy at a masked ball we have now achieved the sort of back-to-back victories usually reserved for fairy tales. Firstly we despatched Newcastle with a 3-1 flourish, a home victory as rare as a Mads clean sheet, and then not content with that, just like London buses another one came along straight away with the 3-2 defeat of Burnley. Without those wins, or if we don’t continue to pick up points in the difficult games ahead then we’ll be in the stickiest of sticky situations since Sticky the stick insect got stuck in the sticky icing on a sticky bun.

Tactically, Bournemouth will look to attack with the speed of a fleeing court jester, while West Ham’s approach to away games so far is best described as “hope for the best and blame the referee or VAR.” Both teams have a penchant for high-scoring games, 71 goals in total have been scored so far in their eleven games played this season, so expect goals and drama. My prediction is for Bournemouth to win, unless West Ham’s defence remembers their job. It could be a rout, or a draw, or, knowing football, and West Ham in particular, anything can happen so perhaps a third Hammers win in a row? When did that last happen?

Bournemouth’s Cunning Plan:

“My lord, our plan is as cunning as a cunning fox who’s just been made Professor of Cunning at Cunning College, Cambridge. We shall unleash the likes of Evanilson, Semenyo, and Kluivert. The idea: confuse West Ham’s defence with movement so unpredictable, even Baldrick would struggle to follow. Evanilson will lurk in the box, ready to pounce, while Semenyo and Kluivert create chaos on the flanks. Our midfield will pass the ball so much, the Hammers will be left dizzier than Lord Percy after a night on the razzle. And of course we’ll try to create as many corners as we can as well as take long throws into their box. We know they don’t like that!”

West Ham’s Cunning Plan:

“Right, chaps, our plan is so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a fox. We’ll defend deep—so deep, our centre-backs may need a map and a packed lunch to find the halfway line. We’ve continued to practice how to defend corners and we’re determined not to concede any more soft goals from set pieces. Our pacier midfielders will link together nicely and then, when Bournemouth least expect it, we’ll launch the ball forward with all the subtlety of Lord Flashheart entering a ballroom. Callum Wilson will dash behind their defence like a rat up a drainpipe. Alternatively if he’s fit to return, Füllkrug (that’s if he’s not already halfway to Milan, Germany or wherever he is going in January) will cause chaos with the grace of a drunken Blackadder at a royal banquet. Bowen and Summerville will add pace and trickery. Well that’s the plan anyway. And if we still lose, we’ll blame the referee, VAR, the pitch, the weather, Sullivan and Brady, and possibly the alignment of the stars.”

We have just six games to play before Christmas. The saying goes that there are no easy games in the Premier League, and the fixtures before the big man comes down the chimney are certainly not easy, in fact we have quite a daunting run. Four of the six are away from the London Stadium with just two at home. We face the teams (in this order) who are currently 9th, 8th, 7th, 11th, 6th and 2nd in the current table. Following this weekend’s trip to Bournemouth, there is another away game on the south coast at Brighton, as well as two visits to Manchester. In the two home games we face Liverpool and Villa. The six points from the last two games were invaluable in ensuring we were not cut adrift in the bottom three, but at least tagged on to the teams above, but some adverse results in the games coming up and it could change again, and not for the better. We would probably be happy to average a point a game in those six before two home games between Christmas and the New Year at home to Fulham and Brighton take us to the mid-point of the season. Ten points from the next eight would take us up to 20 at half-way which is probably close to where we need to be to ensure a further season in the Premier League.

West Ham v Burnley Preview: Ninety Minutes of Clarety At The Bottom Of The Table

A pivotal test for West Ham as Burnley visit the London Stadium for a basement Premier League clash. Can they build on last week’s win over Newcastle or is it back to the drawing board for Nuno?

Last weekend’s victory against Newcastle was as spirited on the pitch as it was surprising for fans. Joy and disbelief at last brought a smile to supporter’s faces; and put a spring in their step. A shaft of sunlight breaking through the London Stadium gloom as a run of four successive home defeats was put to an end.

Who knew that energy, commitment and determination from the players might energise the crowd and create a positive, noisy atmosphere in the stadium? No-one is ever going to be roaring on a string of needless sideways and backward passes. If you want supporters to be the 12th man, then give them something to shout about. Something that gets them off their seats – other than to avoid the crowds in the half-time bar or Stratford Underground.

What must be remembered amidst the euphoria of victory now that the dust has settled is that this was just one game. Just as winning at Nottingham Forest in August turned into a false dawn, it would be foolish to declare a corner turned until consistency in approach, spirit and performance levels has been demonstrated.

A safe return to the calmer waters of mid-table obscurity will not be assured without resolution to the striker debacle – as early as possible – in the January transfer window. Until then, the jaws of relegation will be an ominous threat to the Hammer’s survival.

Team selection should for today’s game should be a no-brainer. If it is not the same eleven who started last week, then something is seriously wrong. Only the insanity of a coach with psychotic delusions of tactical genius would seek to make personnel changes following the rare display of cohesion in the Newcastle game. Surely, Nuno has learned his lesson from the six valuable points recklessly sacrificed to Brentford and Leeds.

On the other hand, a touch more adventure on the bench would be a welcome change. But with Callum Marshall, George Earthy, Preston Fearon, Ezra Mayers and Mohamadou Kante all turning out in the U21’s 3-0 defeat of Liverpool last night, this may be wishful thinking. Stocking the bench with four defensive midfield players and with no place for a striker severely limits the game changing options available.

Today’s fixture sees another early season six pointer with the visit of newly promoted Burnley. The Clarets sit one place above West Ham with three more points on the board. To date, they have recorded victories at home to Sunderland and Leeds, and away at Wolves.

In football’s golden age of bobble hats, wooden rattles, terraces, slide tackles, muddy pitches, magic sponges, maximum wages and Brylcreem, Burnley were one of the country’s leading sides. A 1960’s version of Brighton built upon community, continuity, scouting and player development. They won the First Division in 1959/60, reached the European Cup quarter-finals in 1960/61 and were runners-up in both the league and FA Cup the season after.

However, the 1970s saw a steady decline. They were relegated to the third tier in 1980, to the fourth tier in 1985 and in 1987 only avoided dropping into the Conference on the final day of the season. For all West Ham’s many failings, they are one of just eight clubs never to have fallen below the top two tiers since joining the league – yet!

Today, Burnley FC, like an increasing proportion of the Premier League, has American owners – the same group also owns Espanyol in Spain – who will be aiming to consolidate the club’s position in the topflight following a yo-yo series of promotions and relegations. It will be a huge achievement if they manage to pull it off with a relatively inexperienced squad.

Although few of the Burnley team are household names, their manager (Scott Parker) and captain (Josh Cullen) need no introduction to West Ham fans.

Parker had four excellent seasons in a West Ham shirt at an individual level. He was a three-times ‘Hammer Of The Year’ and even managed to win the Football Writers’ Association Footballer of the Year award during the Avram Grant relegation season.

He has had a chequered career since turning to management, winning promotions at Fulham, Bournemouth and Burnley but never being able to sustain the momentum in the top tier. It is a paradox of football management when up-and-coming coaches defy expectations to win promotion but then carry the can for failing to bridge the financial gap that the Premier League represents. Burnley’s previous manager Vincent Kompany provides a fascinating contrast, however. Described as naïve, stubborn and inexperienced during a hopeless 24-point relegation season at Turf Moor, he now boasts a 75%-win ratio since landing on his feet at Bayern Munich.

Cullen is a former West Ham academy product who was never able to make it at his boyhood club. With less than ten league minutes to his name across three substitute appearances, Cullen was eventually transferred to Anderlecht before settling at Burnley in the summer of 2022.

For those enamoured with football stats (other than the ones that really matter) the conclusion might be that the visitors are a very poor side. The lowest xG, fewest shots, most saves, highest xG against, lowest pass completion and lowest possession. Yet they are second only to Tottenham in terms of goals scored to shots on target and have outscored West Ham 12 to nine this season. Defensively, they feature towards the top end on blocking shots, interceptions and clearances.

This will present a very different challenge for West Ham than the Newcastle game. While the Magpies were poor on the day, the game remained open as they focused on attack whenever possible – they simply didn’t do it at all well. Burnley, by contrast, will look to defend in numbers, maintain a compact shape and seek opportunities to counterattack at pace along the flanks.

Breaking down organised walls of defensive resistance has not been a core West Ham competency of late. Do we have the guile, inspiration and ruthlessness to carve openings and take the few chances that come our way? The West Ham creative juices need to be in full and effective flow for a change. This is the kind of game where the first goal will prove critical to the complexion of the match and the way it develops.

It goes without saying that a second successive home win in seven days – ahead of yet another dull international break – would be a massive bonus. Show us what you can do, boys. COYI!     

Nuno Re-Discovers His Selection Mojo As West Ham Come Together For A Rare London Stadium Victory

Now you gotta believe us, we’re gonna finish seventeenth! A fresh outbreak of optimism resonates around the London Stadium as the Hammers see off the disappointing challenge of Newcastle United.

Well, that went better than expected, didn’t it?

When I first learned yesterday’s match was scheduled for a Sunday afternoon, I had hoped it was because Newcastle would be returning from a gruelling trek to the easternmost reaches of Kazakhstan for a midweek Champions League fixture. Sadly, that was not the case. All they had needed to contend with was an EFL cup-tie with Tottenham in their latest Spursy iteration.

With West Ham having recorded just three home wins in the previous 12 months – and having lost all four at the London Stadium this season – it promised to be a tough afternoon at the London Stadium.

The good news was that Nuno Espirito Santo had kept away from any mind-bending psychoactive substances before making this week’s team selection. Delusions of left-field tactical brilliance were abandoned, and sanity was restored to the tactics board. A few personnel changes were in place but it was largely back to the basics that had promised much at Everton.

Despite having the strongest possible eleven on the pitch, the early omens were not good. No sooner had Jarrod Bowen’s fine 4th minute shot cannoned off the upright than the Hammers once again found themselves a goal down. Max Kilman stranded up-field, the defence stretched and Malick Diouf allowing Murphy too much room to rifle home. It was not the start we were hoping for.

In his excellent match preview, Richard likened West Ham’s season to a clapped-out Vauxhall Astra, coughing and spluttering its way along the motorway (as a one-time Astra owner, I was rather perturbed by his choice of model – just don’t mention his Singer Chamois!) Would this early reverse become another hard shoulder to cry on? Was yet another collapse on the cards? How the Hammers reacted might prove a pivotal test of character.

To their credit, the team reacted magnificently. Heads didn’t drop and confidence slowly grew. Who could have predicted that picking pacier players and deploying them in their correct positions would produce much-improved performances? Intensity, energy and desire replacing hesitancy, confusion and negativity. To return to the car analogy: pistons had been realigned, timing corrected, handling improved and the windscreen wipers no longer came on when indicating to turn right.

There were fine performances all over the pitch. Alphonse Areola assertive in his penalty area. The defence compact and solid with the usual gaping midfield hole in front of it removed – we might also doff our caps to Nuno for having the idea of the centre-backs swapping sides. The midfield was energetic, organised and committed. Freddie Potts rightly received the plaudits for the effective simplicity of his game, and the maturity of his first Premier League start, but Mateus Fernandes was also excellent – from crunching tackles to astute passing. And Lucas Paqueta has never played a better ninety minutes for West Ham, despite the frequent falling over being increasingly ignored by referees.

The front three demonstrated a refreshing degree of movement rarely seen at the London Stadium. Bowen and Crysencio Summerville were hungry, available and prepared to carry the ball forward, while Callum Wilson operated as a centre forward should in such a system. Occupying defenders and creating space as the focal point for attacks.

With Wilson unlikely to last the whole game, it was disappointing not to have a backup striker on the bench. The implication is that Nuno doesn’t fancy Callum Marshall. But was it really necessary for Tomas Soucek, Soungoutou Magassa, Andy Irving and Guido Rodriguez to take up four of the allocated spaces?

While the ends may have justified the means, Nuno’s substitutions had introduced an overdose of anxiety into the closing stages. The Hammers finishing the game with three full backs and three central defenders and most of the pace and potential out-balls withdrawn. Hopefully, this was a ‘needs must’ strategy rather than a sign of things to come.

We must say a few words about Big Tom as his half-hour supporting role was Soucek in a condensed nutshell. Getting a boot in the chest at one end when diving in where others fear to head. Then popping up at the other to bundle home the goal that settled our nerves. And in between? About as effective as one of those inflatable tube men you see outside car dealerships.

At face value, it is difficult to reconcile how a team can apparently transform from being a lazy bunch of mercenaries who simply don’t care one week, to becoming a committed, hard-working, cohesive unit the next. My personal view is that it comes down to belief in what you are being asked or instructed to do. Belief underpins individual performance, team dynamic and tactical execution. If you don’t have it, and the margins are paper thin in elite level sport, then your opponent will exploit it. Without belief you will not recover from setbacks like yesterday’s early goal.

So, no more square pegs and round holes and we might start to see upward momentum. And that should lead to fewer taunts about laziness and not caring. The catch though is the lack of quality in depth to cope with injuries and suspensions. We have a mid-table first eleven but a bottom six squad.   

It wouldn’t be a Premier League math without a sizeable proportion of the afternoon being taken up by extended VAR reviews. It is difficult to argue with the toenail precision that is now applied as the letter of offside calls rather than to the law’s original spirit. The penalty review, however, was far more perplexing.

The rationale for reversing the decision was based solely on the defender touching the ball before Bowen got to it. That he crashed recklessly into Bowen’s side at the same time apparently having no bearing on events. In any other European league, it is a definite penalty. Even if we choose to interpret the laws differently in England (let’s take back control) then why was the same criteria not applied to an identical incident when Potts was penalised for a tackle a matter of minutes later?

One of the money-making developments that I truly dislike in the modern game is the prevalence of change strips. It’s not a proper Barcodes team if they’re not wearing traditional black and white stripes. Taking the field decked out in Al-Shearwah Saudi Arabian green just isn’t right. According to AI, very few football teams wear green because it clashes with the grass. Sounds improbable but perhaps explains why Newcastle were so poor?    

The visitors fearsome and expensively assembled attacking threat never materialised. After the opening goal went in they posed few problems. Woltemade has earned a big reputation but on the day looked as clueless as the succession of failed strikers who have turned out for the Hammers over the years. And as Prince Vultan once asked: “Gordon’s Alive?” Even the Hammer’s long-running nemesis Harvey Barnes failed to make even the slightest impression.

I sense Eddie Howe has plateaued at Newcastle and will soon be known as Eddie Who. My two shillings has already been staked on Andoni Iraola becoming the Magpie’s boss by the start of next season.

Watching Howe complain about West Ham adopting his patented time-wasting tactics was most amusing. The cynicism has the hallmarks of a Nuno innovation who employed it routinely at Forest last season. The mysterious case of a goalkeeper with cramp in both legs is a first and was comical in the extreme. I wish Alphonse a speedy recovery.

A great win. Time now to build on the momentum. COYI!

Will West Ham be hammered again? Are the Magpies ready to nail down the points in the London Stadium?

If West Ham’s season were a car, it would be a clapped-out Vauxhall Astra, coughing and spluttering its way up the Premier League motorway, hazard lights blinking, and the “check engine light” glowing brighter than the London Stadium floodlights. The Hammers’ start has been so poor, even their own shadows seem reluctant to follow them onto the pitch.

West Ham’s recent form is like a leaky umbrella in a monsoon—utterly useless. Six defeats in their last eight, and the only thing falling faster than our league position is the optimism of our supporters. The new manager, Nuno Espírito Santo, is trying to plug holes in a ship that’s not just sinking but actively inviting water in for a swim.

Meanwhile, Newcastle arrive with the confidence of a magpie in a budgie cage. Yes, they’ve had their own wobbles, defensive injuries, and a few patchy results, but compared to West Ham, they look like a well-oiled machine. Eddie Howe’s men have enough firepower to make the Hammers’ backline quake like a jelly on a washing machine.

The Hammers have conceded more goals than any other team in the Premier League so far (20 in just 9 games) and have the worst goal difference (-13). We’ve found the net just 7 times (only Forest have scored fewer goals), and we’ve picked up just one point in the last six games (even Wolves have two!). Our defence facing Newcastle’s attack will be like a sandcastle facing the incoming tide. And woe betide even giving away corners. With nine goals conceded from set pieces (no other team has let in more than three) the danger begins every time the ball is placed in the quadrant by our corner flag.

Newcastle haven’t been a free scoring side themselves, only averaging one goal a game in their nine games; only the bottom three (including ourselves) have scored fewer. But on the other hand they are mean defensively; only conceding eight (only four teams have conceded fewer goals).

Just wait until you see the team sheet! Some of Nuno’s team selections look like they were picked by spinning a wheel of fortune to pick the player and then throwing two dice to decide on the position. He never did manage to throw nine. Nuno is trying a new style of tactical innovation that is hard to comprehend. He tried it once and it didn’t work. So what was the solution? That’s right – try it again. So as we prepare to face Newcastle keep an eye on the line-up. We can probably expect a performance that’s less ‘101 Greatest Hits’ and more ‘Now That’s What I Call Confusing 101’!

Up front with Nuno the false nine is all the rage. This is a striker who doesn’t actually play as a striker but instead wanders around like a lost roadie looking for the stage door. The opposition centre backs get the cigars out while they are left marking empty space, while the false nine is busy dropping deep because that is where he really wants to play. Effectively it’s like playing without a striker at all. It’s like Phil Collins playing ‘In The Air Tonight’ without his drum kit.  

Who came up with the idea of inverted full backs? Is this a Nuno invention or do other teams do it? Why play Scarles at right back? I don’t think he’s played there before and if he has, it doesn’t look like he has. And at the same time why play Wan Bissaka or Walker-Peters at left back which is Scarles natural position. They can play there if necessary but surely they are both better suited to the right back role? And when this inversion doesn’t work why not try it again? Unbelievable Jeff. Ollie Scarles shoulder injury will probably ensure that Nuno doesn’t try this one for a third time.

If West Ham manage to win, and I’d love it just love it (insert Kevin Keegan voice) if we can beat them and pull off the shock of our season. But it would be as surprising as finding a twenty pound note in an old coat pocket. More likely, Newcastle will leave London with three points and we will be left searching for positives like a miner with a broken torch. Although football managers always do manage to find positives even after being defeated.

Come on you irons! Surprise me.

Much Ado About Nuno – The Tragedy of the Claret and Blue – A Halloween Play for West Ham

Characters:
BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST (narrator, wise and wry)
NUNO (bewildered manager)
SQUAD (players)
FANS (chorus, multiple voices)
SIR TREVOR BROOKING
PAOLO DI CANIO
BILLY BONDS
SIR GEOFF HURST
MARTIN PETERS
ALAN DEVONSHIRE
JULIAN DICKS
THE STADIUM GHOST (optional, for sound effects and atmosphere)

Scene 1: The Haunted Stadium
(Dim lights. Mist swirls. The faint sound of wind and distant football chants. BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST stands centre stage, scarf draped over his shoulders. FANS hum “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles” softly in the background.)
BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST (stepping forward, solemn):
My name is Bobby Moore, Sir Bobby to the fans,
Although my boots are long hung up, my spirit haunts the stands.
I drift through empty terraces, unseen but ever near,
A claret and blue ex-captain, I’ll whisper in your ear.
I watched them train on Halloween, ‘neath Friday’s haunted moon,
Nuno’s boys looked weary, has all hope gone this soon?
(Sound: eerie wind, distant whistle. NUNO paces nervously with a clipboard. SQUAD looks tired.)

Scene 2: The Curse Begins
BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST:
At Sunderland the curse began, with three goals, no reply
Then Chelsea came to London, all we did was sigh.
Paqueta’s early magic, then five goals rained in fast,
A London Stadium nightmare, the spell was truly cast.
Brentford, Palace, Tottenham, another haunted three
But sadly all the London teams have danced in victory.

Scene 3: Nuno’s Dilemma
(NUNO stands, looking at his clipboard, confused. SQUAD gathers around.)
BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST:
And then the new boss Nuno, his clipboard in his hand,
Making team selections no mortal could understand.
His full backs on the wrong side, and no striker in sight
Callum Wilson on the bench, that really couldn’t be right.
Paqueta as a false nine, and Soucek in the middle
Irving in there too, no pace or power, a riddle.
And what about the centre backs, when corners bring us dread,
Nine goals conceded from set pieces, their boots are filled with lead.
BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST (echoing, voice in the mist):
I spoke to the squad, my voice echoing through the mist
I’ve got some questions Nuno, a very lengthy list.
Your choices leave us baffled, I know that you’re the boss
Please get it right this time, we can’t take another loss.

Scene 4: Shadows and Despair
(FANS stand, scarves raised. Shadows creep across the stage. Sound: low, haunting hum.)
FANS:
As fans we sing the anthem, our scarves held to the sky
But shadows creep along the pitch, and hope is running dry.
The echoes of old triumphs, the roar of distant cheers
Are drowned by restless spirits, and mounting modern fears.
The ghosts of Upton Park still wander through the night
They rattle in the rafters, they shiver in the light.
BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST:
We long for days of glory, for heroes brave and true
But now we’re left with curses and dreams that won’t come through.
FANS:
The pies are cold and costly, the beer’s a ghostly brew
The players heads are spinning, possessed by something new.
The substitutes are shivering, the bench is freezing cold
They really should be starting that’s if the truth be told.

Scene 5: The Legends Gather
(Fog thickens. LEGENDS appear, each with their own style. Sound: ghostly football crowd, faint cheers and groans.)
BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST (introducing the legends):
The spirits of old legends, they gather in the mist
Sir Trev is juggling pumpkins, Di Canio shakes his fist.
Billy Bonds is howling, defend that haunted post
Sir Trev is floating gently, a most polite old ghost
SIR GEOFF HURST (steps forward, swinging his arm):
Now here comes Sir Geoff, people on the pitch, how?
They think that it’s all over, it certainly is now.
The shot that hit the bar, ghosts gather and they groan
But even in the afterlife the answer’s still not known.
MARTIN PETERS (drifting by, pumpkin on head):
Martin Peters drifts by, with a pumpkin on his head,
He’s nutmegging the phantoms, his shirt 16 and red.
Arriving late as ever, that’s how he gets his kicks
And that is why he’s known as the ghost of 66.
ALAN DEVONSHIRE (dancing, hair wild):
Alan Devonshire’s dancing, his hair a haunted mop,
He glides through spectral midfielders, they trip until they drop.
He conjures up a cross, it swerves and disappears—
The keeper’s left bewildered, the crowd erupts in cheers!
JULIAN DICKS (swaggering in, boots muddy):
Julian Dicks arrives, he’s come straight from a rave
He scares off all the wingers, none of them are brave.
A sweet left-footed penalty, he shoots with all his might
But if he played with Nuno he’d be moved to the right.

Scene 6: The Haunted Warning
BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST (addressing audience):
So heed this haunted warning to every claret and blue heart
The curse can yet be broken, but all must play their part.
Believe in West ham’s spirit, let courage see us through
And maybe then we’ll lift, the curse of the claret and blue.

Scene 7: The Bubbles and the Dream
(Soft instrumental of “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles” begins. FANS blow bubbles, which float across the stage. Mist glows in the moonlight.)
BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST:
And through the misty darkness the bubbles start to rise
They shimmer in the moonlight, heading to the skies.
They fly so high as they nearly reach up to the sky
But just like our dreams they begin to fade and die.
Our fortunes forever hiding as we look around in despair
Just keep on blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air.

Scene 8: The Finale
(Midnight bells chime. The fog rolls off the Thames. LEGENDS fade into the mist. FANS raise scarves, voices strong.)
BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST:
Now the midnight bells start chiming and the fog rolls off the Thames
The legends fade to shadows but the dream it never ends.
Raise your scarves to the heavens as the voices haunt the night
For every ghost in claret and blue still yearns to see us fight.
With fortunes always hiding, pretty bubbles shining through
One day we’ll break the curse and make our dreams come true.
(All join in singing “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles.” Bubbles drift across the stage. Lights fade.)

The End