Out With the Old, In With the New at West Ham: All Change At Stratford Please

Coming soon in 2025, a hilarious all-new series of the wacky reality TV show “You’ve Only Got Two Games To Save Your Job!” Who gets your vote to be evicted from the London Stadium house?

As former Liverpool manager Bill Shankly once said, “Football is a simple game made complicated by people who should know better.” If that principle forms part of the DNA around the corridors of Anfield, it remains elusive in the boardroom and on the training ground at West Ham. Simply put, those in control at the London Stadium do not know better and refuse to learn from experience.

The simplicity of football is the foundation of its popularity. As long as you have a ball and jumpers for goalposts you can have a game. The underlying simplicity has remained even if, at the professional level, the surrounding veneer has changed significantly from Bill’s day. Under the influence of TV money, it has slithered down an insidious path from community spectator event to tarted-up and over-hyped media content. Yet looking beyond the tactical constipation, gamesmanship, win probabilities, set piece coaches, VAR reviews and talking points, the basics are the same: gain possession, control, pass, receive, move, create space and attempt to score. If a team of (supposedly) elite footballers in the self-styled ‘best league in the world’ cannot demonstrate those basics, then something is badly amiss.

It’s not that I expected the Hammers to beat Liverpool. The visitors are a smooth, well-oiled outfit who are highly competent across the pitch and possess several outstanding individuals in selected positions. They are probably the best club side in Europe on current form. But as a minimum we have a right to expect our team to compete in games and demonstrate at least the impression of resistance. It was surprising the game remained scoreless as long as the half hour mark. But once the first goal went in, heads dropped, and it became obvious another rout was on the cards. Just as had happened in heavy defeats to Chelsea, Tottenham and Arsenal.

I’m guessing Julen Lopetegui’s team selection must have made sense to him when it first took shape in his mind. A cunning plan to clip the wings of Mohammed Salah by playing several players out of position to counter his threat. Without such a genius tactical ploy he may have reaped even more havoc than his one goal and two assists suggested. If Mr Lopetegui had found a pair of Marks and Spencer sports socks underneath the Christmas tree, alongside the boxes of Hamlet cigars and Old Spice, he will have noticed they helpfully embroidered ‘L’ and ‘R’ on each of them. Something to remember when it comes to full back selections in the future.

It is understandable that fans direct their frustrations at the performance of individual players, making judgements on whether they are putting in a shift or not. We all see things differently but for me everything come back to the coach rather than the players. Small margins make big differences at this level and if the coach and players are singing from different hymn sheets then all harmony is lost. A case could be made that Lopetegui doesn’t have the players to play his preferred style (whatever that is); but the very job of a head coach is to make the best use of the resources available. By now it is patently clear that the extensive summer recruitment was not fit for purpose. It did not satisfy the most pressing priorities and failed to remedy the problems of age and pace that had been allowed to develop. Too many fingers in the pie and although Tim Steidten is implicated in some of the duff deal it is far from his failing alone.

The West Ham squad may be unbalanced but is packed with internationals. In half a season, Lopetegui has been unable to find any semblance of an effective unit. The team often look in disarray and have rarely performed in both halves of any game. The team defends in a way that exposes its lack pace – no other team has offered up more chances from fast breaks than West Ham – and square pegs are put in round holes either to accommodate his favourites or because he has fallen out with the alternatives. A lack of belief or understanding by the players as to what is expected – and few leaders on the pitch – can easily be interpreted as an absence of commitment. Compare and contrast how talented coaches have done much better with squads of lesser reputation at Forest, Fulham and Bournemouth – opting for collective endeavour rather than hoping for moments of individual brilliance.

By the middle of next month, the Hammers will likely have succumbed to heavy defeat by Manchester City (and Erling Haaland) – after they finally exorcised their recent demons at Leicester yesterday – and been eliminated from the FA Cup. In theory these are the latest two games Lopetegui has to save his job. In practice, as there will be little left to play for, the Board are just as likely to opt for the default ‘do nothing’ scenario until the end of the season. Another season lost and wasted without a shred of hope to cling to for the future.

The greater frustration is that when Lopetegui is eventually removed, who has any confidence that his replacement will be identified as a results of thorough scouting analysis that matches ability and potential with the club’s strategy for long term development? Rather it will be another short-term fix pushed though by David Sullivan either for reasons of expediency, having the right agent involved, or because he has been seduced by a sparkly cherry-picked fact on the applicants CV – such as used to be manager of Real Madrid. As long as Sullivan continues to make arbitrary decisions in his self-styled role if football guru – without taking advice from professionals – nothing will ever improve.

Ultimately, West Ham failed to break the record of most goals conceded in a Premier League calendar year. The final tally was 79 – 44 in 19 games last season, 35 in 19 games this season – and just one behind the record held by Newcastle. In this year’s standings, only Wolves, Leicester, and Southampton have conceded more. Just as well the club invested heavily in new defenders.

Performances for the whole of 2024 have been unacceptable. Winning just 10 of 38 league games, losing 16, scoring 50 and conceding 79. In all competitions, being thumped by five goals or more on six occasions. A footballing annus horribilis by any definition. How much longer must we put up with this shambles? COYI!

Match facts as West Ham face Liverpool in the late kick-off this afternoon

At St Marys there were ills on the West Ham side
Kilman, Soler and Fab were all on the slide
First half woes forced them off to tread
Injuries to shoulder, to knee and to head.

Soucek and Rodriguez bans they face
But Lucas Paqueta returns to the race
No Szoboszlai a yellow card woe
Bradley and Konate sidelined and won’t show.

West Ham won in 2021, that was a rare treat,
In sixteen meetings, it was usually defeat
The Reds have scored twice in seven of eight,
They score at will, so much they create.

Unbeaten in four, West Ham on the rise?
Seeking back-to-back wins with hopeful eyes
First three home losses in Lopetegui’s reign
But once in six since to ease the pain.

Set pieces are good, seven goals we’ve scored
But conceded 74 in ’24 – to be abhorred!
All our last six goals in second half came
Bowen closing on 50, he’s well on his game

The Reds start the New Year at top seventh time
But only once champions – that is a crime
Unbeaten away in the top-flight this season
Six wins and two draws, that is the reason

26 games for Slot with just one defeat
22 unbeaten well that’s quite a feat
12 points from behind another statistic
When they concede first they stay optimistic

Ten goals conceded in last four away
At least two in each, much to their dismay
But still gained eight points that’s quite a feat,
Two wins two draws and never got beat

And so it’s a tough one I’ve got to concede
An early goal lead is perhaps what we need
Very hard to beat them that’s well understood
In this game a draw would be very good

My West Ham player of the season so far – Aaron Wan-Bissaka

As West Ham prepare to take on the champions-elect Liverpool in the final game of 2024, I nominate Aaron Wan-Bissaka as my player of the season to date.

Aaron Wan-Bissaka had his 27th birthday in November. Manchester United paid Crystal Palace £50 million for him in 2019. Somehow he didn’t quite thrive at Old Trafford as you might have expected for a defender who cost that amount of money. He definitely needed a fresh start to kick-start his career. I don’t remember a big queue of clubs looking to secure his signature when he wanted to leave. Amazing to me as I always felt he looked a really good player, and certainly a big upgrade on Ben Johnson in the squad. It was obvious to me (although not to the head coach at the outset) that he would be an improvement of Vladimir Coufal at right back, and he has shown great versatility in performing equally well when playing on the left.

One of the most amazing pieces of play, and one that has gone under the radar this season because it didn’t result in a goal (which always gets the headlines) came in our game in the last match before Christmas against Brighton. Wan-Bissaka sealed the point in the game with an incredibly courageous and brilliant goal-saving on the line headed clearance to deny Lamptey of Brighton.

More than that he has performed consistently in a team that hasn’t played consistently this season. He has adjusted superbly to the demands of the head coach for full backs to play in a more advanced role. He scored his first goal for us in the 2-0 away victory at Newcastle and is demonstrating the qualities that made him such a highly rated talent at the time he went north to Old Trafford. He followed it up with another well taken goal timing his run to perfection in the home defeat to Arsenal in the following game. Two goals already in sixteen appearances for the team, and potentially assists to come if he keeps getting forward as he has done.

It’s always strikers or midfield players that get all the headlines, but for me he has been West Ham’s stand out player so far this season and long may it continue. There’s always some debate as to who behind the scenes identifies players to buy to come to the club. But whoever it was in this case has (in my opinion) unearthed a gem. He, himself, described coming to West Ham as a no-brainer and he hasn’t looked back, has he? He has, I believe, the potential to become the best right-back in the country, a view not shared by many yet but I hope it will happen.

The Great Pretender (Defender) (with apologies to the late, great Freddie Mercury)

When you came they said you were good at the back,
ManU didn’t want you, said you couldn’t attack.
They said your strength was to tackle and defend,
You may well have tricked them, perhaps you like to pretend?

Did you fool them ‘cos you had plans of getting away?
‘cos already you’ve shown them you know how to play.
They said you could tackle, the best one on one,
You’ve shown your versatility, that’s what you have done.

Right back, left back, you can fill a hole,
What’s more AWB you’re good for a goal.
I think they’re missing a trick, you’ve got pace galore,
You could play defensive midfield, shielding the back four.

Oh, yes, you’re a great defender,
But not pretending, ‘cos you’re doing well
Your game is such, an excellent touch,
A top player, but very few can tell.

I seem to see what so few can see
You cover all over the ground
Oh yes, you’re a great defender
Not pretending that you are around.

A review of West Ham’s visit to Southampton on Boxing Day

Hopefully you’ve seen Geoff’s excellent review of our win at Southampton which raised us up to the dizzy heights of 13th in the Premier League after being stuck in 14th for most of the season so far. Here is a slightly different take on the game.

Is Santa a West Ham fan or not?

Santa’s NOT a West Ham fan
It’s very plain to see.
Soler’s missed an easy chance
And its only 3.03.

Santa IS a West Ham fan
It wasn’t long to wait.
The Saints have fluffed a headed chance
It’s only 3.08.

Santa’s NOT a West Ham fan
The Saints are getting bolder.
Kilman’s had to leave the field
He’s gone and hurt his shoulder.

Santa IS a West Ham fan
When Kilman’s off in pain.
Fabianski makes a save
When the Saints should score again.

Santa’s NOT a West Ham fan
Fab’s whacked in the face.
A long delay, he’s carried off
Areola in his place.

Santa IS a West Ham fan
Saints should have scored again.
They could have gone ahead by now.
The ref has added ten!

The first half lasted 56
It’s up to you now Lop
After Soler’s early miss
The Saints have been on top.

Santa’s NOT a West Ham fan,
Rodriguez sees red,
VAR’s a West Ham fan
It’s now yellow instead.

Santa IS a West Ham fan
Not very long to wait.
Jarrod Bowen once again
Taps in on 58.

Santa IS a West Ham
We really like to tease
The Saints are surely going down
We should beat them with ease.

Yes, Santa IS a West Ham fan
Southampton poor but plucky
We’re not playing all that well
But just a little lucky.

West Ham Briefing: Unwelcome Christmas Cards, Bowen’s Milestone, and a Surge Up The Premier League Table

West Ham avoid a second instalment of new manager bounce as Jarrod Bowen’s instinctive goal is enough to see them past basement dwelling Southampton in an unconvincing encounter at St Mary’s Stadium

At the end of the day, it is a time of year when cliches, like football matches, come thick and fast. The Boxing Day clash at St Mary’s was the proverbial game of two halves. Following Carlos Soler’s point-blank miss-of-the-match, West Ham rode their good fortune and had Southampton’s poor finishing to thank for keeping the game scoreless at the end of a busy first period. Incontrast, the second 45 minutes was a largely drab and uneventful affair. The single moment of note allowing the Hammers to steal the points through Jarrod Bowen’s opportunism as he was first to react to Niclas Fullkrug’s knock on.

It was Bowen’s fifth Premier League goal of the season, his 100th career league goal in total, and his 48th in the top flight for West Ham. He has overtaken both Paolo Di Canio and Mark Noble and is now second only to Michail Antonio on 68 goals. A fine achievement but a comparatively modest return compared to the leading scorers at other established clubs – and well behind legendary West Ham poachers of yesteryear such as Watson, Hurst, Ruffell, Dick and Cottee.

The win saw West Ham temporarily vacate the cosy familiarity of 14th place when they climbed above Manchester United who lost a few hours later at Wolverhampton. An indication of the congestion in the league’s middle reaches is that the result puts the Hammers just six points shy of European qualification and only five behind the Champions. If there was any sense of momentum building on the pitch, then we could almost believe there was something to play for. In all likelihood, it will be back to 14th soon enough.

Southampton certainly offered a sterner test than they had under Russel Martin, even if the improvement wasn’t enough to constitute a new manager bounce for Ivan Juric. Surely, survival for the Saints is already a lost cause. Juric is the fourth new managerial appointment of the Premier League season. Strangely, no-one has yet seen fit to call on the services of the serial winning Scottish manager. So far, the only managerial bouncing on show has been at Wolves under Vitor Pereira. The one-time West Ham target Amorim continues to struggle at Old Trafford as does van Nistelrooy at Leicester.

Any thoughts of a new manager bounce at the London Stadium have been long consigned to history. The 2024/25 vintage West Ham have been seeing more of the ball, but it manifests itself as a defensive (rather than offensive) strategy. Keeping possession in safe areas as a means of limiting opposition attacks. Increased possession has made no impression on the number of touches enjoyed in the opposition box – or on the level of entertainment come to that. Although the number of shots may be higher, these are mainly speculative and from distance.  

Julen Lopetegui’s team selections have become routinely predictable. The only nod towards festive season squad rotation is whether to start with Guido Rodriguez or Edson Alvarez as the holding midfielder in Lopetegui’s increasingly preferred 4-1-4-1 formation. Suspensions being the other major contributing factor in determining starting lineups.

West Ham players were again receiving the wrong type of Christmas cards at St Mary’s Stadium where Rodriguez and Tomas Soucek both reached the five yellow card threshold – emulating Emerson, Soler and Lucas Paqueta – that leads to an automatic one-match ban. It could have been worse for Rodriguez had VAR not seen sense to reverse a red card decision that was as rash and unnecessary as the original challenge.

Personally, I don’t see either Rodriguez or Soucek as any great loss. Soucek, especially is an enigmatic character. Who can doubt his commitment to the cause. But as someone supposedly at the beating heart of midfield, his occasional goal threat does not compensate for the lack of pace, poor pass completion and scarcity of touches. Far too often the game passes him by as he meanders around the pitch like a robotic vacuum cleaner.

Aaron Wan-Bissaka was again the Hammer’s man-of-the-match. Giving lie to the reputation that he offers little going forward, Wan-Bissaka is alone in being able to carry the ball forward and run at pace from deep. Surely, the nomination as Hammer of the Year is already sewn up. Alvarez made a difference when he was introduced and would always get my vote over Rodriguez or Soucek in a holding role. He is the only defensive midfielder prepared to go hunting for the ball.

Elsewhere, Mohammed Kudus had possibly his most ineffective game in a West Ham shirt. His normally reliable instant control deserting him, he was rarely able to escape the close attention of his marker. We saw a few more glimpses of what Fullkrug might offer as an old-style target man. It’s not what is needed though and there are no midfield runners to feed off him anyway. He did, at least, pick up an assist.   

The last 15 or 20 minutes of modern games are rapidly truning into a staccato version of musical substitutes. If Lopetegui has any carefully thought-out plan at the start of games, it is all thrown into the air oncehe has introduced a succession of full backs oblivious to where they are meant to be playing. By the end of yesterdays game, 4-1-4-1 had morphed into 7-0-3.

Soucek and Rodriguez will likely be joined on the sidelines for Sunday’s clash with Liverpool by Lukasz Fabianski (following his nasty concussion), Max Killman (injured shoulder) and Carlos Soler (unspecified knee injury). The game will represent the halfway point of the season. West Ham will have then played each of other sides one time. Faced six of the current top ten at home, and four of them away. Projecting the current points per game forward would see us end the season with 48 points, fewer than last year but better than the year before that.

It would take a brave man to bet on the Hammers four game unbeaten run continuing when the runaway leaders come to town for the final game of 2024. West Ham’s leaky defence against the rampant, free-scoring Reds threatens to be the greatest massacre since they started selling chainsaws in Texas. Probably not be a game for the faint hearted. COYI

A review of the Brighton game, and a preview of West Ham’s visit to Southampton on Boxing Day

And so we continue in a league of our own,
Fourteenth is our place, for that we are known,
In thirteen of seventeen that’s where we’ve stayed,
And a draw against Brighton was just what we played.

Eight games at home we couldn’t defeat ‘em,
Wouldn’t it be good if we could just beat ‘em.
Fourteenth in goals scored another statistic,
Without many forwards I’m not optimistic,

Next up Southampton back to the South Coast,
Look at their team, we should have them on toast,
Boxing Day games after a big Christmas dinner,
Let’s hope we can win, who might score the winner?

They have a new manager, Juric his name,
They talk of a bounce in his very first game,
Sacked three times in two years then hired by Torino,
A short spell at Roma then sacked like Mourinho.

We both love the Hammers although we’re not leaders,
We wish a great Christmas to all of our readers,
From Rich and Geoff, we’ll be writing more soon,
Two more wins this year we’ll be over the moon.

It may not happen, it’s not worth a bet,
With West Ham you never know quite what you’ll get,
But let’s have a good run to bring us some cheer,
Good football, some wins, and a Happy New Year!

West Ham Briefing: A Claret and Blue Christmas, Lop Actually, and Will The Saints Nick It on Boxing Day

After a mostly flat draw with Brighton on Saturday, West Ham return to the south coast to face basement dwellers Southampton in a Boxing Day clash. Will it be a Last Christmas for Julen Lopetegui?

West Ham continue to be in a league of their own as they consolidated their hold on the Premier League’s 14th place – their home for 13 of the season’s 17 weeks to date – with an uninspiring draw against Brighton and Hove Albion. The stalemate extending the Hammer’s winless home run against the Seagulls to eight games.

If there was a sense of watching claret and blue paint drying at the London Stadium, a far glossier finish was on display from our chromatic cousins in the earlier TV game from Villa Park. It took my mind back to the last match of the 2019/20 Covid affected season when the Villains snatched the point required to secure their top flight status.

West Ham enjoyed two of their better Premier League finishes in the subsequent two seasons while Villa floundered first under Dean Smith and then Steven Gerrard. Both clubs started the 2022/ 23 season poorly and while the Hammer’s Board stayed loyal to their Scottish manager, the Midlanders replaced Gerrard by buying Unai Emery out of his contract at Villarreal. They haven’t looked back since. Qualifying for the Champions League last season and playing football as if they enjoy it. They have a good blend of youth and experience, have recruited well from the lower leagues, and have pace, power, and energy throughout their side. They can even choose between TWO top class strikers instead of none.

Emery and Julen Lopetegui are often mentioned in the same breath, probably because both are Basques; and because both previously managed at Sevilla. In reality, Emery’s record is a far superior one, having won three Europa League titles at Sevilla (to Lopetegui’s one) as well as honours at PSG and Villarreal. Appointing Emery has been the sliding doors moment between the two clubs.

Some might argue that Lopetegui simply needs more time to get to grips with all new arrivals into the squad and instil his ideas into a playing style that had stagnated over the preceding few seasons. It is true enough that the squad composition had drifted into a dreadful state under the previous leadership – both in terms of age and depth of ability. But summer recruitment failed to address many of the issues that had arisen, and despite significant spend, West Ham remain the second oldest team in the league – and quite possibly the slowest.

It is fair to acknowledge that there has been a shift in playing style, even if it is subtle up to this point. Possession and passing statistics have improved and we are ranked as high as 5th in terms of number of shots taken. Conversely, we are also placed even higher (4th) on number of shots conceded. More possession has not turned into dominating games. We are joint 14th for goals scored where the greatest threat is counter attacking that rely on moments of individual brilliance from Jarrod Bowen and Mohammed Kudus or set pieces. Otherwise, there is precious little penetration and too few players getting in the box. At the other end, we are 6th worst for goals conceded where opponents routinely have free rein to slice through the porous centre of our defences. Performances have the hallmarks of a lower mid-table and without drastic action to address the problems at striker and in the heart of midfield, it is where we will remain.

The January transfer window is not a time for wholesale reconstruction and often passes at West Ham with no activity at all. That being the case, the coach must find a system that suits the resources at his disposal and give up on his fixation of square pegs in round holes. Or the club must find a coach who is able to do that and then embark on strategy of building for the future in the summer. As things stand, it is a club going nowhere – slowly.

Saturday’s game was another that failed to live up to the hype of ‘best league in the world.’ West Ham laboured and Brighton were more reminiscent of Potter’s ‘all sizzle and no sausage’ offering than De Zerbi’s more enterprising style. A soporific first-half livened up in the second period courtesy of two goals in eight minutes, but still fell short of top-level entertainment. Another raft of odd substitutions by Lopetegui left his side with a huge gap between the front three and defensive five. Hoping for any semblance of creativity or guile from Tomas Soucek and Guido Rodriguez was the height of optimism.

In the closing minutes only one team were looking to win the game – and it wasn’t West Ham. Lukasz Fabianski who had been badly at fault for the Brighton opener partly redeemed himself with a slew of smart saves.

The Hammers Roadshow moves on to rock bottom Southampton on Boxing Day. Once again, they will be facing a struggling side with a new manager in place for his first game. What could possibly go wrong? The Saints stopped the rot with a scoreless draw at Fulham yesterday and we all know what the scriptwriters have in mind for the West Ham visit. Already, I can feel in it my fingers, and in my toes. Lop is all around me, and so that feeling grows.

Ivan Juric is an interesting appointment for Southampton. Sacked three times in two years by Genoa, followed by a decent but unremarkable three year spell at Torino, then dismissed after 12 games by Roma. At least no compensation was involved.

All that remains is to wish everybody a very Merry Christmas. May all your dreams be found wrapped and ready under the tree. COYI!

A review of West Ham’s visit to Bournemouth, a preview of the Brighton game, and a tribute to Jarrod Bowen, via Rudyard Kipling.

If we’d been offered a point on the day,
At the Vitality we’d nod and we’d say
“Gladly yes”, but we didn’t forsee
How close we came to getting three.

Frustrating it was, we led so late,
But a sloppy free kick then sealed our fate,
The wall stood tall, we knew the drill,
A draw was deserved, for home fans a thrill.

Bournemouth’s shots twenty-nine in all,
Only nine on target that I can recall,
The first half was goalless, frantic and fast,
We matched them at first but how might it last?

A controversial call, we cared not a jot,
As up stepped Paqueta and scored from the spot.
A few moments later the Hammers undone,
Enes Umal’s free kick and the score was one-one.

Lopetegui’s tactics – he asks for more time,
We saw some improvement, but we need to climb,
We’re stuck down at fourteenth, a pretty poor show,
We’ve let in too many, our midfield’s too slow.

On Saturday it’s Brighton; so is it a sin
To hope for three points and pick up a win?
But one win from fourteen, just one that’s right,
At the Amex last season a 3-1 delight.

Seven games at home, top-flight pickings are thin,
We’ve lost two and drawn five but never a win.
But go back twelve years when second tier still,
A great Vaz Te hat trick, we beat them six-nil!

The Seagulls in London, ten winless they find,
The losses and draws must be haunting their mind,
Our recent home form has been on the rise,
Ten points from five is a pleasant surprise.

When Brighton face battles against top half foes,
With five wins in nine their confidence grows,
But with teams near the bottom they falter and strain,
Just one win in seven in a season’s refrain.

When taking set pieces we used to be best,
We still have the tools to make it a test,
Kudus with dribbling can dazzle and gleam,
Bowen’s goals and assists are great for the team.

A Premier clash under a Saturday sky,
Can we win, and go to Christmas on high?
I just have a feeling we’ll win this for sure,
Brighton may score but we’ll score one more.


I wonder if you know the old joke from Donald McGill, famous for his saucy seaside postcards –
“Do you like Kipling?”
“I don’t know I’ve never kippled”.
Rudyard Kipling was an English writer of the late nineteenth and early twentieth century, noted of course for writing amongst many great works The Jungle Book and his poem If. The following is in the style of the latter. So with apologies to Mr Kipling (no, not the one who makes exceedingly good cakes …..) here is a poem to resemble his famous poem If as a tribute to Jarrod Bowen.

If you can keep the ball when all about you
Are losing it, can’t blame it on you;
If you believe in yourself when England managers doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can pass and dribble and not be phased by tackles,
Or keep the ball and ignore the cries;
Or shoot on sight and resist the shackles,
And look so good to everyone’s eyes;
If you can dribble – and not make dribbling your master;
If you can bring others into the game;
If when you lose it’s not a disaster,
But winning the game is your ultimate aim;
If you entertain the fans and play so clever,
Up front, out wide, whatever your role,
Play consistently, be as good as ever,
Win a European trophy with the winning goal.
If you thread it through to make a chance,
Or cross it onto someone’s head,
Or pass to a team mate without a glance,
Or take it on and shoot instead.
If you stay for some time the fans will adore you,
And play like legends of the past have done,
Moore, Bonds, Brooking, Di Canio too,
And what’s more Jarrod Bowen, you’ll be a star my son.

Seasons greetings! Richard.

Hammers Briefing: Christmas Seaside Shuffle, Late Drama and A Lost Season

Limping Around the Christmas Tree, Have A Loppy Holiday. West Ham stumble along from week to week like a drifter with no identity. A good point at Bournemouth but little of note to look forward to.

West Ham kicked off their three match seaside shuffle by sharing the points in an entertaining Monday night encounter at Bournemouth’s Vitality Stadium. After that, their south coast adventures continue by hosting the Seagulls of Brighton in a rare Saturday 3 PM start before travelling back down to Southampton on Boxing Day.

Although the Christmas programme is nowhere near as congested as it once was, the Hammers still face eight games between now and the end of January 2025. As we are routinely reminded the games come ‘thick and fast‘ – certainly thick in West Ham’s case if not always fast. There’s not even time to fit in an international break.

The final match of 2024 will be a visit to Anfield on 29 December where West Ham will be seeking to avoid setting a new Premier League for the most goals conceded in any calendar year. The current record, set by Newcastle in 2021, stands at 80 goals – West Ham have conceded 73 so far with those three games remaining. Looks touch and go given past performances against Liverpool.

The point gained at Bournemouth provided few clues on the future of Julen Lopetegui and the latest ‘three games to save his job’ cliffhanger. A quick look at the bottom of the league table suggests that, unless something drastic happens, the survival threshold this season will be be well below the magical 40 points – maybe even as low as 30 to 32. With West Ham having already scrambled 19 points, the likelihood of getting dragged into the mire of a relegation battle is extremely remote.

Perhaps a different record for the club to target is for the most consecutive weeks spent in the same league position. Having moved into 14th on 2 November they have become so settled that they might be planning to give the place a lick of paint and replace the curtains. What are the chances of staying put right until the end of the season?  Limping along to reach a disappointing on-target total of 45 points by the end of May.

It feels increasingly likely that Loppy will see out the rest of the season. I don’t suppose the Board are happy with their return on investment, but they appear not to look too far beyond preserving Premier League status in any given season. Why pay out more compensation than you need in the circumstances?That an underwhelming bottom half finish might lead to an exodus of any players who are frustrated by the club’s apparent lack of ambition is a problem for another day – and a boost to the summer revenues. Is it not now time for the UK’s new head postman, Daniel Kretinsky, to deliver at the London Stadium?

West Ham’s performance at Bournemouth was arguably one of their better efforts of 2024/25. For long periods in the first half there was a distinct impression of a slick one-touch passing team revelling in the possession they were allowed to enjoy. It was a call back to the Newcastle display, demonstrating that when given time and space the Hammer’s do have it in them to play attractive football. Unable to turn that dominance into advantage, an open and entertaining half remained goalless at the break.

The second-half took on a very different complexion as Bournemouth came out with far greater purpose and energy. Whether they were weighed down by too many half-time hobnobs or bemused by the half-time team talk, the visitors were soon on the back foot and a succession of smart saves by Lukasz Fabianski were needed in the opening five minutes to keep the scores level. With space now at a premium, West Ham struggled to get their passes together.

The game looked to be heading to a scoreless draw as it entered the final minutes. Lopetegui had made some of the strangest substitutions since Tesco sent me a can of peaches in place of a frozen pizza. The result was an assortment of eleven players (including three full backs) with no apparent formation looking uncertain as to what they were supposed to do. There was some logic to replacing Carlos Soler and Edson Alvarez with both players on yellow cards, but not Mohammed Kudus who had been the main attacking outlet and is always a potential source of inspiration. There was encouragement in seeing a couple of youth players finally make it onto the pitch, even if Kaelan Casey’s introduction was purely symbolic in order to waste a few more added time minutes. Oliver Scarles had a mixed Premier League debut, looking nervous in defence but putting in one delightful cross towards the far post.

While most of us were holding heads in hands when Niclas Fullkrug’s point blank header hit the Cherries goalkeeper, good old VAR was busy checking the potential handball that would lead to a West Ham penalty. Should it have been a penalty? If the rules were applied according to common sense, probably not. But under the current interpretation determined by the wise men of PGMOL then not awarding it would have been inconsistent. The priorities of PGMOL have long been a mystery to the average football supporter. More than happy with the growing trend of handing out meaningless cards to managers and coaches but making no attempt to address the blatant cheating and play acting that blights the game such as Kyle Walker’s exaggerated collapse in the Manchester derby.

I am always a little nervous with Lucas Paqueta’s penalty technique, but the kick was accomplished with aplomb. And interesting to see him make a beeline for Lopetegui to celebrate. All that was now required was to hold out for a further three minutes plus stoppage time and three points would be added to the stick of seaside rock for the journey back to London. Sadly, it was not to be, and Bournemouth conjured up a deserved equaliser in the time remaining.

It has become customary for some supporters to blame Dinos Mavripanos for every goal West Ham concede. Granted it was an unnecessary challenge to make in the circumstances but is the type that defenders make multiple times during a game. The resulting free kick was well (rather than spectacularly) struck by Unal, but Fabianski’s positioning had provided an open invitation to aim anywhere in that area of the net. In the end, a fair result.

Next up is the visit of Brighton on Saturday. One of the league’s form teams a few weeks back, the Seagull’s fortunes have dropped off in recent weeks and are without a win in four. They are unbeaten in seven Premier League encounters at the London Stadium having earned two wins and five draws. Adding one more to the draw tally would be no surprise.

Frankly, it’s all rather depressing to believe that a season that is not yet half completed offers so little in terms of hope. Oh well, it is a cross all West Ham fans must bear. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose. COYI (or Allez les fers!)

West Ham faced Wolves on Monday night, our seventh consecutive home win on a Monday. Next Monday we travel to the South Coast to face Bournemouth

West Ham v Wolves – A Celebration of the Number Nine

The ninth of December – the stars did align,
This was the day – a tribute to nine,
Nine was the number that shone in the light,
The game was for Michail, an emotional night.

In the warm-up they wore shirts ‘Antonio 9’,
The game in his honour, this was his time,
The fans clapped and sang, this was because,
When the ninth minute came, 60 seconds applause.

Soucek’s header on 54 –far post this time,
Add them together, 5+4 make nine,
Bowen’s winner on 72, he made no mistake,
Add 7+2, you know what they make.

O’Neil wanted penalties, the ref he played dumb,
Big decisions did impact the overall outcome,
For West Ham’s head coach the win just in time,
For tonight was the night to celebrate nine.

Three points most welcome, let’s uncork the wine,
Nine over the drop zone, we’re starting to climb,
Our points rose to 18, add up one more time,
Put 1 and 8 together – and once more it’s nine!

Nine first half corners, nine shots on goal,
The Hammers were winning and now in control,
The Irons on top as they reigned supreme,
And West Ham were now in a Number 9 Dream.

Bournemouth v West Ham

Christmas is coming, time to bring out the berries,
As West Ham head south to be facing the Cherries,
In the coastal air where the sea meets the sand,
Bournemouth v West Ham, what have they planned?

Under Monday’s night sky with stars softly gleaming,
Can we win again or am I just dreaming?
The Cherries at home in their red and their black,
In claret and blue Hammers on the attack.

The game a tale of grit and delight,
Under stadium lights burning fiercely and bright,
The away fans sing loud, big boy what’s your name?
It’s Ludo Miklosko from Moscow I came. (Not really!)

The Hammers are fourteenth what chance of a win?
The Cherries are eighth and we’re 15 games in,
Two down at Everton almost at the last minute,
You wouldn’t believe that with three goals they’d win it.

One down at Ipswich as the game neared its end,
A dramatic late comeback that is their trend.
They also beat Tottenham when Huijsen did pounce,
Nine points from three games they’ve won on the bounce.

Their scalps are impressive they’ve beaten the best,
City, Arsenal and Chelsea were put to the test,
But Senesi, Tavernier on the injury list,
Two not playing this week and they will be missed.

With Antonio out who’ll be leading the line?
Ings or Fullkrug, or Bowen false nine?
Kudus missed five he’s had quite a rest,
We’ll all be hoping that he’s back to his best.

If Summerville starts, and I do hope he will,
Let’s hope we can witness his dribbling skill,
Soler’s started the last four, he’s looked very keen,
He’s certainly worth his place in the team.

Soucek Lop’s favourite, he picks him whatever,
We always are hoping he scores with a header,
There’s one midfield player we know can do better,
But he’s not on the ball – that’s Lucas Paqueta.

Defending’s a problem, we don’t shut the door,
There are only three teams who’ve conceded more.
And we’ve only scored 20, thirteenth on the list,
Our xg is better, note the chances we’ve missed.

Head to head’s positive, but here is the thing,
We’ve conceded a few to Wilson and King,
But they have gone now, Solanke’s gone too,
Here’s my prediction, a score draw 2-2.

Reasons To Do Nothing, Part 3: West Ham Win Against Wolves Gives Lopetegui Short Term Reprieve In Sack Race

West Ham are pleased to announce that the next game in the ‘one game to save his job’ series is scheduled for Boxing Day at St Marys Stadium, Southampton

Has there ever been a game, I wonder, where both managers have ended up losing their jobs after the final whistle? On the evidence of the first half, it wasn’t the most unlikely of outcomes as two extremely mediocre sides, who had conceded 63 goals between them so far this season, endeavoured to prioritise caution above enterprise.

The second half was thankfully more entertaining with three goals scored over eighteen frenetic minutes and various other incidents requiring the powers of VAR to intervene. Mohammed Kudus was so clearly offside for his disallowed goal that it is a mystery why the decision to derail his elaborate celebration took so long. As for the two Wolves penalty appeals, they could have gone either way – once again demonstrating the rather arbitrary nature of these rulings. The degree of contact, where it first took place, and whether it did or didn’t continue into the area must now all be taken into account when arriving at a split-second decision. Both were cases where the on-field decision was unlikely to be reversed no matter what. O’Neil seethed; Loppy was relieved!

The narrow Hammer’s win allows the can to be kicked a little further down the road before a decision is needed on Julen Lopetegui’s future. In times like these the Chairman likes nothing better than doing nothing. With each passing week the compensation for the Head Coach and his entourage reduces incrementally, and the list of potential replacements gets progressively longer – until they get snapped up by clubs more willing to pull the trigger. The view from the Boardroom is not of a team hovering just outside the relegation places, but one competing in an enthralling lower table mini league with the heavyweights from Tottenham, Newcastle and Manchester United. Let’s carry on limping along for now until the next “one match to save his job” event is scheduled against Southampton on Boxing Day.

There are, of course, significant financial consequence of jettisoning a coach or manager early in his contract and/ or buying another out of his contract at their exising. The costs involved must be accounted for under Profit and Sustainability Rules and will impact the amount available to spend in future transfer windows. It is said to have cost Manchester United £21m to ditch Ten Hag and recruit Amorim. A rounding error for the Red Devils but far more substantial for a club like West Ham with significantly lower revenues.   

Aside from the financial hit, the Board are no doubt reluctant to admit to making a mistake in appointing Lopetegui in the first place. Many supporters regarded it as an uninspiring choice at the outset. Arguably better than what we had, but never the right man for the job of building for the future. It is yet another example of a club without the vision or understanding of what it takes to compete regularly in the financially skewed modern game. Muddling through from one season to the next with no strategy for smart recruitment or youth development is doomed to disappoint. It has been the trademark of the entire 15-year Sullivan/ Gold/ Brady era. And who trusts the current board to make a sensible or enlightened choice when Lopetegui is eventually replaced?  

Monday Night football was once a highlight of the televised football week. But with more games now shown live and midweek action dominated by European competition, the Monday slot has become an anachronistic scheduling quirk. An opportunity to fill quotas by showing less glamorous sides compete in meaningless contests. A sign of the times that the Hammers will have been shunted to the Monday graveyard slot for three consecutive broadcasts. Given the late kick-off time and the number of added minutes that is now the norm, it is a wonder that anyone manages to get home afterwards.

Lopetegui made two changes to the side starting in the 3-1 defeat to Leicester. Emerson replaced Vladimir Coufal at full back and Crysencio Summerville came in for Danny Ings. The enforced absence of Michail Antoinio following his shocking road traffic accident is a huge blow to West Ham’s striking options and surely must be addressed in the January transfer window. It is difficult to imagine ever seeing Antonio in a West Ham shirt again and we wish him well in his lengthy recovery. He has been one the Hammer’s better signings of recent years, and his level of effort and commitment has never been in doubt.

The latest midfield ensemble of Tomas Soucek, Edson Alvarez and Carlos Soler failed to stamp their authority on thegame. Soucek continues to be an enigma. Playing in a more forward role, the game largely passed him by in open play with his lack of pace and mobility all too apparent. But then, up he pops to open the scoring with a looping header from Bowen’s corner. If that is typical of Wolves sleepy defending, it is no wonder they have shipped so many goals this season.

West Ham were once a team feared for their set piece prowess, but now it is only Soucek who presents an aerial threat. Although the benign floaty corners that have become the norm rarely trouble opposition defences, the current crop of centre backs appear reluctant to attack the ball in the style that endeared Craig Dawson to our hearts.

The Wolves equaliser and Jarrod Bowen’s winner were well taken goals even if you might question the effectiveness and quality of the defending for both. Bowen and Soucek remain neck and neck as the Hammers top scorers this season with four goals apiece.

Lopetegui’s obsession with always using his entire allocation of substitutes made for a very nervy end to the game. Replacing the pace of Summerville and Kudus with older, slower models gave his side few outlets for keeping possession during the 8+ minutes of added time. For the record, the average age of the 11 West Ham players on the field at the end was 29 years and 340 days.

Next up for West Ham is a trip to Bournemouth’s Vitality Stadium next Monday evening. The Cherries have moved up to 8th, with a six-point advantage over the Hammers following a run of three consecutive victories. It came as a surprise when Gary O’Neil was replaced by the relatively unknown Andoni Iraola at Bournemouth but it has proven to be a masterful move.

When West Ham beat AZ  Alkmaar in the 2023 Conference League semi-final I suggested they should make a move for their Hungarian international defender, Milos Kerkez. Instead, he signed for Bournemouth and has become one of the best left-backs in the country – apparently attracting interest from Real Madrid. The type of in-your-face opportunity that our scouting regularly overlooks.

I am always pleased to see West Ham win, but it is frustrating to see our great club devoid of identity and direction. It is fairly obvious that nothing much can ever change under the current ownership while they continue to meddle in matters on the footballing side of the club that they don’t understand. Will we ever see a better time, when all our dreams come true? Or is that simply a Fairytale of Stratford? COYI!