Groovin’ On A Sunday Afternoon: West Ham’s Dad’s Army See Off Manchester’s Young Rascals

If you had woken suddenly from a season long coma to the news that West Ham had completed the double against the mighty Manchester United – and climbed above the two ‘big six’ Europa Cup finalists in the league table – then you might have been fooled into thinking this must surely be a time of great joy. A reason for good old east-end knees-up.  

Surely, it had to mean Champions League football at the London Stadium next year with a victorious open top bus parade already planned. Only later would it be realised that the game was in fact an inconvenient, end-of-season affair. A match between two of the bottom six where, due to a bizarre alignment of the planets, the hapless Red Devils are still in with a shout of qualifying for the Champions League. Whatever the one-game-at-a-time mutterings from the Manchester United manager, next week’s final is clearly a far greater priority than was the visit of West Ham for Matchweek 36.

At a club where baffling team selections have become as commonplace as a chorus of Bubbles, scientists were able to measure reaction to the announcement of Graham Potter’s starting eleven on the Richter scale. Niclas Fullkrug and Edson Alvarez were once again left on the naughty step, there was not a youth player in sight, an unnecessary full back shuffle, and (as a coup de grace) a recall for the much-maligned Guido Rodriguez.  It was the Argentine’s first start since the home defeat by Crystal Palace in mid-January. Not a player that we had ever expected to see line up in the claret in blue ever again.

Even by West Ham standards it was a very old team. An average age of 29.6 – six players aged over 30 and just one younger than 25. Confidence was low that the Premier League Dad’s Army would have any chance of putting an end to the dismal run of eight games without a win.

What we didn’t know, however, was that agreement had been reached to play the game as a demonstration of walking football. With a level of intensity expected at an OAP’s Sunday morning tai chi lesson on the Common. Ironically, it was ideally suited to many of our players whose undoubted training ground competence is routinely undone when put under pressure by fast pressing opponents. Fortunately, Manchester United did none of that. Either because they lack the players to execute it or were more concerned about picking up injuries in advance of their trip to Bilbao.

It is between amusing and surprising to see the poor value and quality that poses as the present-day Manchester United squad.  Assembled at huge expense it is prima facie evidence of how not to run a football club. It’s possible that some of the younger signings will turn out to be future gems, but overall, you would have to say their transfer policy is even more shoddy than the Hammers. The exception to the rule is Bruno Fernandes who appears to have carried them single handedly over the past four of five seasons. So ineffective were they in attack that it was only after the introduction of Harry Maguire that the threat level was raised in the West Ham defence. I had read an article at the weekend that Hojlund was eager to prove himself at the highest level. It made me wonder whether he had considered a career change to scaffolder.

Predictably, the West Ham goals were scored by Tomas Soucek and Jarrod Bowen. Together, they have notched over a half of their side’s Premier League total this season. I am conflicted about the contribution made by the big Czech. You couldn’t hope for more committed player and, of course he regularly weighs in with important goals from an otherwise impotent midfield. Yet, he is anonymous for long periods allowing the game to pass him by. Is that enough in the modern game where speed of thought and action – press, pass, carry – have set the standards of midfield play?

To be fair, Soucek had a decent game; put in some important blocks and even got involved in the exhibition of one touch passing that the Hammers put on towards the end. But that was the story of the game for other West Ham players too. Given time and space they can look at home at this level. Sadly, it all falls to pieces against quicker, aggressive opponents.

Despite sitting on an apparently comfortable 2-0 lead, it wouldn’t be a West Ham game without a nail-biting finale. In his wisdom, Potter elected to remove Bowen and Mohammed Kudus in a double substitution on 73 minutes with both players looking equally unimpressed with the decision. Removing his only out-ball runners is a tactic that hadn’t worked well for the coach in the past, so he decided to try it once again anyway – just in case. It immediately invited extra pressure as the Hammers found it increasingly difficult to clear their lines. Was it part of Fullkrug’s punishment to abandon him up top without any recognised service or support?

Still a win is a win; and they don’t come along frequently enough to belittle. I am not sure we learned anything new from the experience, although we are now TOP of the bottom six and can go into the remaining two games with a modicum of positivity. The magical 40-point mark has been reached, and if another four can be mustered it will raise Potter’s points-per-game above that of Lopetegui. I suppose that would be progress of sorts!

The opening gambit in the annual player clear out was revealed a few days back with the announcement that Aaron Cresswell, Vladimir Coufal, Lukasz Fabianski, and Danny Ings would be leaving the London Stadium in the summer. The signing of Ings was a monumental blunder for both club and player. Another casualty of not bothering to sign a striker that suits your style of play. While I find it hard to associate millionaire footballers with the concept of being great servants, the other three have each had distinguished careers at the club. Cresswell’s 11 years at West Ham (360+ games, 11 goals) deserve our recognition and the opportunity for his greatest send-off since that night in Frankfurt; Coufal will not now get the chance to equal Tomas Repka’s modern record of the most games played by an outfield player without scoring; and Fab will fall eight short of 100 career Premier League clean sheets (43 at West Ham). We wish them well. COYI!