David Moyes Versus The Lettuce: Which Will Last The Longest?

The Plan: We Only Need To Be Better Than Three Other Teams

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different outcome, then our manager must be as mad a box of baby haggises (or is it haggi?). Who would have guessed that completely surrendering the initiative would have given a boost to a previously short-on-ideas opponent? Or do we expect too much? Perhaps in the Moyestro’s mind a draw at Bournemouth represents a very satisfactory day at the office. In an ‘any point away from home is a bonus and we were unlucky not to win’ sort of way. Pick up another point at Luton and his side will be right on track to reach the manager’s targeted two points from the opening six games. Then we can focus on the more realistic challenge of fighting for scrappy home wins from the peer group that includes Forest, Everton, Burnley and Sheffield United.

Possession And How Not To Use It

I’ve never been too hung up on possession statistics. It’s more about what you do with the ball once you have it at your feet. The clue is pass to a teammate. Take Brentford for example. Last season, they had a similar level of possession to West Ham and relied just as heavily on the long pass. But because they commit more players forward, they pose a far greater threat, are exciting to watch, and force every opponent to be wary of pushing too many of their own players forward. Sadly, that’s not how Moyesball works. To him, risk is a dirty word along with its evil twin, entertainment. Despite this, West Ham were the better side in the first half yesterday, taking advantage of a hesitant host who were uncertain what their new manager expected of them. The Hammers were never likely to run riot (as they had a few months earlier), but they created the better opportunities in a low-key first half, without ever dominating.

The Natural Negative Instincts Are Never Far Away

The watershed moment in the game came when West Ham took the lead – and what a beautiful strike it was from Jarrod Bowen. The possession percentage barely changed pre and post goal, but the balance of play switched completely. Bournemouth threw caution to the wind, bringing on more attack minded players while Moyes reverted to type – attempting to batten down the hatches and protect the slim advantage his team held. It just isn’t in his DNA (or Dinnae in Scottish) to exploit the extra space on offer in search of a second conclusive goal. His only strategy for killing off a game is through boredom. It was no surprise when the equaliser came. Anyone watching could sense it was only a matter of time. All the opposition needs when you concede so much space is to get lucky once. And they did just that when a mishit shot turned into a killer pass for Solanke to finish. The sight of Moyes yelling at Vladimir Coufal in the dying minutes not to take a quick attacking throw and take his time instead says all you need to know about his cautious mindset.

Substitutions And How Not To Use Them

Andoni Iraola had made five substitutions before Moyes sprang into action with his. And when he did, he really needn’t have bothered. I’m convinced he has an alert on his phone, set up at the 70-minute mark with a reminder to swap Michail Antonio with Danny Ings. The type of like for like change that the manager loves. A change for change’s sake play that confuses activity with action. Antonio’s role yesterday was baffling. Appearing in the most unlikely areas of the pitch and taking only one touch in the opponent’s penalty area. He looks to have lost all interest in playing for West Ham (or the manager). The second change in the aftermath of the Bournemouth equaliser (Thilo Kehrer for Pablo Fornals) was a clear indication of intent – preserve the point at all costs. Finally, there was a rare sighting of the illusive Comet. Maxwell replacing Lucas Paqueta in added time and being on the pitch just long enough to be caught offside. Paqueta showing once again what a difference he could make to a team that wasn’t quite as static as the Hammers. He will be missed when he leaves next week.

Of Strikers and Recruitment

The manager loves to present himself as a tight-lipped man of misery mystery when he speaks to the press. It is beyond belief that any Premier League coach would contemplate embarking on a new campaign with only Antonio, Ings and Divin Mubama as the main striker options. Or is the cunning plan to convert Bowen and/ or Cornet to plough that lone farrow? Neither is the brightest of ideas, and we can only hope there is an adult somewhere in the recruitment process who can make the Board see sense. Moyes cannot be trusted to act as sole arbiter of the transfer kitty. Come on Tim, find us a proper striker. The ‘David Moyes has only n games to save his job’ news cycle cannot be far away. I might need to buy a hat to eat if he is still around at the end of September.  

Player Ratings

Areola (6), Coufal (5), Zouma (6), Aguerd (6), Emerson (5), Soucek (6), Paqueta (7), Bowen (7), Fornals (5), Benrahma (5), Antonio (4)