A Fairytale of West Ham: What Does Secret Santo Have In Store For The Festive Season?

At this most wonderful time of the year as old chestnuts roast on an open fire, our thoughts inevitably turn to the traditional meaning and symbols of Christmastide. Scumbags, maggots, and old sluts on junk. But enough of the West Ham Board’s annual Xmas party where Chairman, David Sullivan will have ignored the advice of wise men and gift wrapped another Sully special striker for this year’s Secret Santo.

Whether it’s the festive season or the football season, looking up at it from the bottom of the table is not to be recommended. And there’s no escaping the fact that West Ham’s position is desperately grim. Just three wins from 17 attempts and five points and an inferior goal difference from safety is about as precarious as things can get.

Escape may not yet be impossible, but so much needs to change to make it happen. Performance levels require massive improvement all over the park. Fast and effective action is needed in the transfer window, reversing the historic trend of dither, haggle and delay. And it requires one of the sides immediately above us to lose their way spectacularly in the second half of the season. In some years, a points tally in the low 30s has been enough to survive. But it doesn’t look like being one of those years.   

The decline at West Ham has not been a sudden collapse. We have been watching a slow-motion car crash of a club for over two years now. Failure to address a slow and ageing squad, appointing a succession of dreadful out-of-work passive managers, and running the club without imagination, ambition or strategic direction have all taken their toll. If there was anything close to a game plan, it was the assumption that we could escape by running faster than the three promoted clubs.

Time has stood still at the London Stadium. And while others recognised that progressive coaching, work ethic and athleticism could level the playing field, West Ham fiddled. The club without a plan is now suffering the inevitable consequences.

Having little faith from West Ham’s visit to Manchester City, I opted to get my fix of football entertainment by watching Newcastle versus Chelsea on TV. For once, it was a genuinely entertaining game which refused to get bogged by down by the usual Premier League scripted choreography. But there was one moment which stood out for me as to how unfit for purpose West Ham have become. Around the 70^th minute, Eddie Howe replaced his entire front line. Off went Woltermade, Gordon and Murphy. On came Wissa, Barnes and Elanga. Compare that to the options available on a typical West Ham bench. It’s like Christmas dinner without any of the trimmings!

It wasn’t long ago that the Geordies were in a similar boat to West Ham. And were trailing the Hammers in terms of total revenues earned. A few seasons later they are streets ahead. It is true they now have rich Saudi owners, but they have also been operating within the same financial constraints (i.e. PSR) as we have. Instead, by appointing a modern, progressive manager they have earned success on the pitch and used this to add strength and depth to their squad.

With revenues now the holy grail for player recruitment and football club growth, West Ham’s supposed London Stadium deal of the century is looking more and more like a millstone around the neck. While neither Newcastle or Manchester City own their own grounds, both have negotiated an overall control of operations which provides access to additional income streams from naming rights through to the proceeds from non-football events.

The London Stadium deal might look great to an accountant whose only interest is saving money. But to a business desperate to increase earnings it is a disaster. What other club is prevented from hosting important women’s or youth games at their own ground?

For last Sunday’s game at the Etihad Stadium, Nuno embarked on his now customary selection whack-a-mole. Splitting up the improving Todibo – Mavropanos central defensive partnership in favour of a Kilman recall, playing once again without a recognised target man in attack, and stuffing the bench full of defenders.

Poor old Kilman has never given the impression of being the strongest or most confident defender and putting him up against Haaland must have been a traumatic – as well as hopeless – exercise. Possibly a little harsh to call him “the worst footballer I’ve ever seen” – as one commentator did – but what a shocking waste of money his signing has been.

Managers returning to previous clubs to sign players they have worked with has always been a red flag for me. The equivalent of buying someone a store voucher as a gift rather than giving them money. One can only be used in a single store, the other can be spent anywhere. All indications are that Nuno is planning to repeat Loppy’s mistake by pursuing Adama Traore in the winter window. Can a bit part player who has underachieved at every club he’s been at really be our saviour, even if he comes cheap?

It was a dreadful first from West Ham against Manchester City. The two full backs deputising for the AFCON absentees were understandably rusty, having not kicked a ball in anger for some weeks. And the only attacking intent were long, high balls for Bowen and Summerville to make token challenges for.

Once the hosts had strolled into a comfortable two-goal lead it was pretty much game over. There was a slight improvement from the Hammers after the break but nothing to bother the scorers about.

The next four games will go a long way to defining the remainder of the Hammer’s season. Anything less than six points would be disastrous. Ideally, I would hope for nine. But without squad reinforcements that is a hopeful stretch.

It’s obvious that a striker must be top of the West Ham wish list in January. After that, I think the priority should be someone to do the job that Paqueta is meant to be doing as an attacking midfielder. Even when he is on his game, Paqueta offers only sporadic, individual moments of inspiration. Far more is needed as the conduit between massed defence and attack. Someone to probe, pass, and carry the ball forward as necessary. A player capable of pulling the strings and posing a threat through an entire ninety minutes. I shudder to think what we will end up with.

West Ham are now odds on for relegation. On the balance of probabilities, it’s going to happen and what a disaster that will be. The chances of Sullivan selling up and clearing off will be even lower once the club’s market value is sheared in half.

While he is still around, I can’t see a better time, when all our dreams come true. Merry Christmas. COYI!